Comedy of Errors Part 2 (This was written under the same conditions as Part 1 and is unedited) Look forward to responses in any format.

In my last book, I returned to Australia, to post into the Defence Intelligence Training Center.  I thought I was going to give back to Defence my experiences and training that I received from the Navy and from my time in the United States on exchange with the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific.  At this point I did not know that I was about to loose everything and be going off to the Middle East for just a holiday because that terrorist story was never going to happen and I have suffered significantly for that.  It seems I was to take the advice of my ex Federal Police officer colleague instead of returning home if I wanted out.  And yes my daughter was used as a psychological tool to manipulate me and leave me open to manipulation. But that would be my interpretation, apparently I am only psychologically unstable and just making it up.  But facts are facts and really well it must just be a comedy of errors that someone with such an ailment could get through the following and be alive or capable to write about it.

On my return to Australia, I only had a couple of days before I had to turn up to the Defence Intelligence Training Center.  The Defence Intelligence Training Center had moved into a brand new building, it was purpose built with physical security being the main focus.  The building had been built within my first year in Hawaii.  To enter in and out of sections you needed a specific pass that had been activated by the resident security officers.  And over the front door was the very big Huon Pine plaque with the Defence emblem and the motto ‘Center of Excellence’ engraved.  Bit like the ‘Comedy of Errors’ link to my name it was not to be comical just tragic for the Navy Officers that were still there or had left in my absence!  As on my return I was to learn that of the six Royal Australian Navy Officers and Senior Sailors posted to the unit, three had gone through very bad divorces and lost most of their possessions to their other halves.  Of the two other male Lieutenant Commanders, both lost and given up most of their items to their wives.  I am not sure what support or non support they received from the unit, but the one I did see was bitter and now a civilian working for the Defence Intelligence Training Wing and the other one had fronted the courts for wanting to jump off of a bridge down at the Gold Coast.  The Senior Sailor female was a reservist and the loveliest person you could ever meet.  For her to have considered going through a divorce with young children was strange to even comprehend.  The unit had also increased its manning and acquired a second Psych Officer position.  The female psychologist that was in the position before I left the unit had submitted her resignation and was on her way out of the Army.  Prior to my posting to Hawaii, I was able to become good friends with her and we were both dragged in to become involved in the Resistance to Interrogation training.  The second Psych Officer that posted to the unit permanently had just recently come across from the SAS unit just outside of Perth in Western Australia.  The other Royal Australian Navy Lieutenant that was filling the Maritime Intelligence Training Wing position, had just been refused to be released to fill a short term posting to Hawaii so was a bit bitter.  And the Lieutenant Commander that I was replacing was bitter from the bad experience that he had had as Executive Officer for the Commandant and was placed in the Navy Instruction position for the Defence Intelligence Training Wing, the position I was about to fill.   His first words to me were basically,

You need to watch your back here!

OH GREAT!!!!

The hand over went well!!!   Yep and the Army was still not budging in their position of keeping the Commandant position.  Even Navy and Air Force within the Executive Officer position, they were receiving a hard time, especially the Royal Australian Navy incumbents, one left the services after trying to commit suicide, the one that wanted to jump off the bridge, and the other Navy posted to the Defence Intelligence Training Wing position that I was replacing and that had warned me was to post to one of the pacific island as the Royal Australian Navy Maritime Surveillance Advisor.  As for me I was posting in with my priority being my new family and ensuring that I could meet my designated work requirements.  Instruction was not difficult, as I had instructed at the unit previously, as one of the Instructors for the Maritime Intelligence Training Wing and had overseen instruction as the Officer In Charge of the Training Development Wing.  And as for the other duties I would be required to fill, I did not have an issue with what ever was to come my way.   Initially the civilian filling the position of Officer in Charge of the Defence Intelligence Training Wing, who was the same person filling the position before I left for Hawaii, slowly placed me into an instructional role.  Initially, I was to observe the instruction of the other Officers and visiting lecturers as well as observe the syndicate work that was to be completed by the students.   After a couple of courses observing I was given lessons as part of both the Introduction to Defence Intelligence Course and the Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis Course.  My responsibility was to develop, maintain and deliver the allocated lessons.  The lessons were allocated to specific instructors based on their backgrounds and experiences, allowing the students to gain maximum assistance with their learning and understanding.  It was all adult learning but sometimes the syndicate work would be messier than some of my daughter’s drawings. The instructors that I was to work with consisted of the civilian filling the Officer In Charge position for the wing, the one that looked like Saddam Hussein that the g-string with a picture of Saddam placed on it was bought for at his going away dinner, he left the Army and took up a civilian position in the Defence Intelligence Training Wing.  An old Army Major that had spent significant time working in Northern Ireland and on the German border in his old days with the Army of the United Kingdom was one of our other instructors, my other ex Navy Lieutenant Commander now bitter civilian, an ex Royal Australian Air Force and Ex Australian Federal Police officer female.  The old United Kingdom Major had since been encouraged and jumped at the opportunity to transfer to the Australian Army and continue working at the Defence Intelligence Training Center for his efforts at developing the Australian Human Intelligence Training.  Prior to my departure he was on exchange.  We also had a DFAT representative now that was also starting to provide assistance with the delivery of these courses.  There was another officer that at times would assist, he was an Australian Army reservist Officer that had a Doctorate in Mathematics (or perhaps Physics) could never really work it out but his expertise or interest seemed to be artificial intelligence.  So it was five older gentlemen, one other female, a DFAT representative and me to deliver the Introduction to Defence Intelligence Course and the Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis Course. Later a younger female Flight Lieutenant was to post in to assist with the instruction.

The Resistance to Interrogation courses were still being held by the Defence Intelligence Training Center and was called to assist as an interrogator with one of the course being held for the SAS.  I was wearing a civilian suit for this and the other Army staffs were looking at me strangely.  I was also requested to go down to Melbourne with the DFAT officer and a couple of the other Army interrogators (I never considered myself an interrogator as I had never commenced or completed the Interrogator course only the Resistance to Interrogation Interrogator course) to assist with the DFAT staff undergoing interrogation for their initial course.  There were also representatives from the Australian Federal Police and the Australian Security and Intelligence Organisation also conducting the interrogation of the DFAT staff.  On my return home my husband got all excited and asked what I actually did in Melbourne. I didn’t tell him anything, just work.  I never told him anything other that I taught Intelligence research and analysis and/or intelligence looking at shipping movements.

By November 2005 my instruction was of a level that it was suitable for me to deploy with a team from the wing to deliver the course to one of our South East Asian neighbours.  I deployed with the ex Army Officer that looked like Saddam Hussein, the ex United Kingdom Army Officer and the reserve Army Officer with the Doctorate degree. My first course was to the Philippines with three of the older chaps from the wing. In the Philippines, we were placed on the executive floor of the Marriot hotel, so that the beers to my fellow instructors were not going to cost a thing.  It didn’t bother me, I could have a meal of bar snacks and not worry about paying for dinner and it was actually safer for us to dine on that level then on the floor level.   When the local Philippino staff took us to the base where the course was to be delivered, the students were almost half female. Not questioning their sexuality, to say that half the number of the students was actually female. This was the first time that the course was delivered to such a high number of females and they were all quite young.  I guess this was the first time the course was delivered with a younger female instructor.  At the time I was in my early thirties whilst the rest of the instructors were in their late fifties if not older. 

The Australian representative from the Embassy that met us for the course was an Army Military Police Lieutenant Colonel, he was very helpful with providing us with the administrative support we needed for printing course work and certificates.  He was also to be present for the opening presentation and the closing presentation.  I was to meet him again back at KOKODA Barracks in 2006 when he posted in to take up the Commandant position at the Army Warrant Officer training school.  It was during the time that my life was being pulled apart. I went and saw him during 2006 as my Commandant that was giving me significant grief requested I look into something regarding Defence law, can’t really recall.  I just remember that he said to me you don’t want to do it!  I was thinking and feeling strongly the same thing but was feeling like choices were being taken off me.  During the course in the Philippines, however the students were very keen and participation levels in the syndicate work, was always high.  The classroom was however located right next door to a small arms firing range.  Every morning, we would hear them firing in the range at the various targets they would use.  I remember one day looking out the window of the third floor staff room down to the range.  It was an urban setting, to add to the realism and the participants of the firing range were all wearing civilian attire.  It was interesting to watch, but more interesting to note that they were not just shooting one way and the only thing separating me from a stray bullet was a pane of glass.  I didn’t look out the window again! I wanted the only holes in my head associated with my ears as that was the only place where I was going to adorn myself with jewellery.

Even though I was only there with three elderly instructors I did get the chance to do some shopping, a must when female and travelling. I was able to purchase my daughter’s linen Christening outfit.   She was to be christened early in 2006 at the Army Chapel, GALIPPOLI Barracks Enoggera Brisbane.  The ceremony was only to be attended by at few family and friends and my daughter’s Godparents were to be my Husbands best friends (at the time they were having difficulty falling pregnant but were successful after wards – I guess my angel of a daughter gave them luck and my sister).  She was Christened into the Catholic faith, the faith of my husband before he turned to become a born again Christian, something he has denied.  I am an Anglican, but at the time the school that we wanted and still want our daughter to attend whilst she is in her high school years was Kincopple Rose Bay, Sydney; which is Catholic.  And I knew that I could still take her to church, Catholic or Anglican, with really the only restriction being if I was to partake in Communion at the Catholic Church.  The important thing to me was that my daughter had a faith and that she found her own path towards practicing her faith.  Buying her Christian outfit in the South East Asian state that was known for its Christianity and Catholicism was not deliberate at the time but probably one of those ‘Comedy of Errors’ situations that have followed me for the last ten years.  I was studying my Masters of Arts, Islamic Studies, in response to the 911 attacks, acquisition of knowledge for understanding and I buying my daughter’s Christening outfit in a country that was known for Christianity and that had one of the highest work forces deployed to the Middle East the home of Islam.   At this stage, I was never even considering going to the Middle East.  Let alone ending up working in a Middle East country, where I was to work alongside Philippino expatriates and witness conditions and issues faced by both expatriate workers and employers.  But I have transgressed forward again.  The course went without any hiccups although the reservist Army Officer with the Doctorate did tell me one night that he would not be doing this again. 

On a personal note, 2004 the year did have its dramas even though we were back in Australia, as seemed to always be the case with my husband.  We had decided that we wanted to stay down at the Gold Coast, as it would make it easier for him to drive to his work, flying somewhere, easier for us to call on his mother to look after our daughter when necessary and basically a chance for me to delineate between work and home life.  My daughter as far I was concerned was going to be going to childcare four days a week and his mother could look after her or should I say be able to spend quality time with her on the Friday.  He wanted ‘to keep the money in the family’ as he put it and have his mother look after our daughter everyday.  She was our child and the way that he used to talk about his mother I really did not think that that was appropriate.  Looking after grandchildren for one day a week is a pleasure; to look after them every day is a burden.  It was not happening.  However he did use the fact that his mother would be looking after her granddaughter as justification as to why we should live down on the Gold Coast.  Defence was accommodating and offered a house centrally located on the Gold Coast for us to view. We were only offered one choice.  On seeing the house I knew it was unacceptable for a baby or family with toddlers, which is what we were about to have when our little girl started walking.  There was no fence to the road and a steep rock wall out the front that went down to the footpath and the road.  In the backyard there was a similar rock wall that could have been climbed by a toddler and if they fell they were going to fall onto hard pavers.  It definitely was not suitable for our family situation.  We refused the house, which caused a bit of problem with the Defence Housing Authority, the organization that looked after Defence housing and the actual house came under revue.  It was finally decided that the house was suitable for us but was no longer suitable for the Defence Housing Authority.  I am not sure how that works and how it was not identified earlier.  As we were not shown any other houses we had to find a property within our ceiling to move into.  We ended up finding a townhouse in a small golfing estate, which met our needs.  It was smaller than a house but had three bedrooms and sufficient space for a toddler.  Finally we had a place to live and a chance to see all of our old furniture that had been placed in storage for the duration of my posting to Hawaii. It took a good month after return to Australia before moving into permanent accommodation. On the day that the furniture was to be moved into the town house I organised for my daughter to be with her grandmother, my former husband’s mother and for my husband to be at home to look after the delivery, unpacking and placement of the furniture.  It was not even lunchtime and I was receiving a phone call from my former husband to come home to assist with delivery of our furniture.  He was an Australian Infantry Officer and being a Major, I thought that his request was a bit unacceptable considering he was supposed to have management and leaderships skills and said that I thought he could look after that small task himself.  He wasn’t happy, but considering I have a significant number of male military colleagues whose wives were more than capable of receipting delivery, unpacking and placement of their household effects whilst they were at work I thought it would be better I did not go home as I was unsure how I could explain to my colleagues how incompetent my husband their colleague as well actually was.  With everything I was to go through before basically being pushed to the Middle East, it took a lot of effort to set him up for my daughter’s sake!!!  But I have jumped ahead, back to the events that I went through at the Defence Intelligence Training Center, the events that apparently were to create a terrorist whether I wanted it or not.  But unfortunately for those that put in so much effort, that story was never happening. 

Once settled in our town house, I had enrolled our daughter in the Child Care Center Canungra next to the KOKODA Barracks base.  As a new mum, I wanted my baby close and she still wasn’t quite six months old so she was still new and still to develop her social skills.  I am sure that every new mum or even every new dad remembers the first few weeks of dropping a child off at the Child Car Center the crying and the screams to bring you back and how much those noises from those little ones really tear at your heart. But you just have to keep walking out of the room and let the staff comfort them else they would never let you go.  I had that experience for the first couple of months.  On the Fridays that I would leave her with her grandmother, it was a lot easier, as she would always distract her after she had waved good-bye to me.  However the tearing at the heart really occurs the first time that your young one goes crawling away once you put them down as they are focused on their new-found toy and don’t even notice if you are still there or not, you actually have to grab them to say good bye so that they know you are leaving.  Now that hurts, as you start to realise that even before they turn one, that with the development of their social skills, they gain a feeling of independence.  They don’t need mum twenty-four seven!  But it was also a proud feeling that my daughter had found her independent feet, well knees at this stage and I was the one left with the tear in the eye.  I had also taken my daughter into work, to obtain a photo-identification card for her.  She didn’t need it considering she was less than 12 months old but I thought it would keep her amused for the day and it was a chance to introduce her to my work colleagues.  I figured that if I needed to work back late one day I could pick her up from childcare and bring her into work with me whilst I worked back late.  Basically she was then cleared to draw pretty pictures on the pretty coloured paper.  My apologies to any students that received their reports with crayon marks on them, but she did like to add her point.

My husband was still pursuing his flying and looking at how he could establish his own business.  During this time I also wrote a letter to Navy requesting that my Return of Service Obligation to Hawaii for the duration of the posting be reconsidered, considering all the other Return Of Service Obligations had been removed and the person that replaced me in Hawaii never had to sign up to a Return of Service Obligation.  It was refused and at that time I accepted that I would be serving another seven years at least with the Royal Australian Navy.    I was also still completing my first Masters degree, Master of Arts in Islamic Studies.  I was completing it part time and would finish in December 2005.  So my plate was still quite full.  My husband would complete some reserve time as returning to Australia my allowances went down considerably making it tight paying for two rental properties and our living expenses.  After the delivery of the course in the Philippines in November that month I was able to take a couple of week’s quality time with my family, my husband and my daughter.  It was also at this point that I started making moves to enrol my daughter in a private school for the Gold Coast and Kincopple for her senior years.  This process was quite interesting and quite informative.  I had one of the private schools tell me that I had left it a bit late.  That comment took me by surprise, my daughter was just walking and I was told I had left it too late to enrol her in a private primary school!  As for Kincopple, that was a bit easier, we were only enrolling her for her secondary years and we had appropriate recommendations in hand to forward with her application.

The start of 2005 professionally was slow; with the exception of the fire alarm I set off in January by burning Pop Corn in a microwave that was strategically hidden in a cupboard within an illegal brew area.  Needless to say, my mistake cost us that illegal brew area and we from then on had to go through the two security doors to go down the stairs to the designated brew area.  I really hated it when I made those mistakes but it would happen quite often through out my career.   It was also at the start of this year that the Defence Intelligence Training Wing was to deliver the first course to a group of international Defence students from various South East Asian, South Asian and Middle East countries.  It was an amazing group and the dynamics worked very well amongst the participants.  I remember distinctly that we had students from Cambodia, Thailand, Philippines, Pakistan and United Arab Emirates.  The course did not overlap with our other domestic courses so that we could devote more time to the actual students and tasks at hand.

Mid 2005 I was also required to assist with our Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis course to Thailand.  Again we were accommodated in a four and a half star hotel on the executive floor and provided our training at one of the their military establishment.  The local military would provide the necessary transport to the establishment whilst our Embassy staff would provide the necessary administrative support.  I remember for this course we had our resident Saddam Hussein look alike, the army reservist Doctorate Major who was not going to do it again, the young female Air Force Officer that was looking at starting a family with her husband and me.  I also remember that on that course we did have a couple of females but not to the same extent as what we had in the Philippines.  The best memories were that the time in Thailand was a very good time for shopping, I had a fellow female in tow and when two females are together, well it is a great opportunity or should I say excuse to shop.  My daughter did receive quite a few out fits from that trip and my husband well he never went without receiving a present.  It was after this trip that I was encouraged to apply for one of the Australian public servant instructor positions advertised for the Defence Intelligence Training Wing, Defence Intelligence Training Center.  Basically apply to do what I was currently doing but in a civilian uniform.

2005 was to begin as a very busy and very positive year for my husband as well.  My husband had found an Aerial Agricultural business to buy just inland from the sunshine coast at Kingaroy.  The unfortunate thing was that he told me his dad would not help him financially to buy the business.  His dad was not interested in going into business with him.  I felt sorry for him because he had put all of his effort over the last couple of years into gaining his qualifications and gaining experience so that he could fly like his father, only to be told in the end that his dad was not interested.  He had a few tears flowing from the eyes when he told me but I guess looking back that was to make sure that I fell for his story.  I volunteered to take money from my rental property at Noosaville, well our now rental property at Noosaville to purchase the business.  The decision was made and he jumped at the offer because as far as he was concerned he was not going back into uniform permanently.  As for me, it made me feel a bit more comfortable, that I could help him and that perhaps this would make our relationship stronger.  It did, so strong in fact that everything was put in my name and his aunts name so that if anything went wrong he could just go bankrupt and show that he had nothing for the farmer, the person most likely to take legal action against an agricultural pilot, could not take anything.  It also meant he could run when ever he liked if the bills were not adding up the right way if he desired and it was myself and is aunty were the ones to be held accountable.  I did not feel comfortable with that but accepted it like I accepted a lot of things in our relationship.  I also volunteered to have the apartment at Noosaville be placed in a superfund for us, as it had sentimental value for me and would be the perfect place to retire.  His response to me was that we would sell it first if needed.  So my feeling sorry for him was just thrown out the window as there was no reciprocated feeling of endearment, but his dad did come back around to him and did help him out with the business when necessary and was more than happy to receive an income from it, us.  His dad had been through a bankruptcy, but was astute enough that his family were well catered for so I admired him for his wisdom irrespective the deception that he and his son had placed on me for the purchase of the business.  Perhaps he had learnt that from his New South Wales police days or his days after growing and selling marijuana.  But my wisdom had to give way to supporting my husband.  We had a child to think about and that child was the most important thing to me and he knew that he could always use those strong feelings I held for my child against me.  I actually wanted him to either stay in the Army or join the airlines as a pilot but he didn’t have any interest in either profession.  Apparently as he put it to me you can earn a lot more money working for yourself.  I never saw what apparently you could earn but seemed to continually be paying a lot financially and emotionally for it. 

Professionally, I was instructing on courses every week and obviously my performance was at a standard that when they advertised the new Australian public servant positions for the wing I was encouraged to apply for one of them.  It was to be a reduction in wage professionally, but hopefully my husbands business could compensate the reduction because we were really only living off my wage.  Professionally, I would have completed my first Masters degree and at the time was dreaming of one day completing a Doctorate degree.  The position would give professional and personal stability to pursue such an interest. And personally my husband and I were planning two more children, so the stability with extended family so close would be a huge benefit.  I decided to head to the advice and apply for the position.  Initially, my husband was not as supportive, I though at the time he had doubts in his ability to get his business up and running, especially when he started to want me to update all the book work for him.  Basically from my understanding he wanted me to work full time as a Royal Australian Navy Officer, bring up our three children (we only had one at the time), manage the rental properties, would allow me to pursue study out of professional interest and do all the bookwork/administration for his Agricultural Flying Business.  At that point I was not too sure what he was actually bringing to the partnership, considering that I had to pay for the business.  Irrespective of his comments, I applied for the position that I was encouraged to apply for.   I thought that by staying local there would have been a better chance for maintaining a stable family life and professionally it was an opportunity for me to allow Defence to draw upon my experience in Australia and the United States of America as well as my knowledge gained through pursuing personal study.  I knew that I would have to repay the Military Superannuation Debt but that could be through an arranged payment plan that both my husband and I could work towards.  We had already gained the benefit by purchasing the house, but this way we had location security and family support.  I applied for the position, went through the selection process and was successfully offered the position of Australian Public Servant Position level 6, Instructor Defence Intelligence Training Wing.   And this was the start of what could only be referred to as the push to move me on.  If the pressure became too much for me well I always could heed to the advice of the female trainer who was an ex Australian Federal Police officer, I could cut the wrist in an upward motion because apparently that is how you succeed!  I will provide further on this in the next paragraph.

The wing had already hired within the years that I was in Hawaii, three Australian Public Servant level 6 Instructors as well as a Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade representative (as previously mentioned) and the round I applied for they were looking at hiring another three.  The members that had taken up the positions were either ex-Defence or ex Australian Federal Police and Defence as previously stated.  I had already mentioned that the Officer that looked like Saddam Hussein was one as well as a bitter Lieutenant Commander that had had his marriage go to divorce whilst I was in Hawaii.  The ex Federal Police Officer had also had a stint in the Air Force and had also worked for Australian Fisheries.  I was informed in 2011 on my return to Australia that she had actually died of natural causes on one of the courses that were being delivered in Indonesia. She was an incredible lady with a swath of experience and knowledge that she parted onto her students irrespective of what she had said to me.  My only issue was before I was looking at applying for the Australian Public Servant position I had mentioned to my fellow Air Force Officer in the wing that was also female, that if we had our babies at the same time we could share one position on a part time basis whilst Defence fills the second position permanently.  It would actually give three people for two positions and at the time we were both looking forward to falling pregnant, me for my second child and her for her first.  The ex Federal Police Officer instructor stated in response to my remark ‘The Officer in Charge of the Defence Intelligence Training Wing wont like that!!’  Actually she used his name, but I have refrained from using names in this book.  From my point of view, he knew I had intentions of increasing my family so there should not have been an issue with the idea of flexible employment.  The ex Federal Police Officer had also come into my office within a couple of months of my arrival and stated to me that if you want to suicide you don’t cut across your wrist you cut up your wrist if you want to succeed.  I don’t know why she felt as though she needed to tell me that but it was a predecessor to the humiliation I was to receive by the Defence Intelligence Training Center and a predecessor to the manipulation my husband was to inflict on me.  Perhaps she could tell the future or perhaps what happened to me had already been decided before my return and perhaps I was not suppose to survive it due to my own hand!!!  I guess Defence can teach how to destroy someone’s life then have them suicide so there is no blood on your own hands.  I just did not know that we used our own people to teach in such a way.  Or perhaps I misinterpreted but I am sure you can decide by reading further.  I just know that when I was pushed right down some people did step into pick me back up and they were not necessarily our own and they were not baited as nothing could be done to them in the way they stepped in. Or perhaps I gave them a heads up in stating that my story is pathetic and government created, I am just bait.  Well I never agreed with what happened to me and with what happened to my daughter. I was never a coward but many that could not make that same statement of “I am not a coward” moved me.

After being successful in applying for the position of Instructor Australian public servant position Level 6 at the Defence Intelligence Training Center and after discussing with the then Officer in Charge of the Defence Intelligence Training Wing my aspirations to one day complete my Doctorate degree in Humanities, I started to suffer significant difficulty in the home and in the office area.  I was still programmed to assist with the Defence Intelligence Wing’s Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis course to be conducted in Jakarta Indonesia in November and was still considered to be a successful candidate for placement but things just started to become harder.  My husband had decided to organise a family trip to China that was to take place a couple of weeks after my Indonesia trip.  It was to visit my American friend from my Sydney days and her husband my Australian Intelligence Corps friend also from my Sydney days.  They were living and working in Shanghai, China at the time with a large international Security firm.  Our plan was to spend a few days with them in Shanghai, then move on to Beijing to visit the Wall, Tiananmen Square, the Ming Tombs and the Forbidden City.  He organised but I had to fund as usual.  His reasoning was that it was better we live off my wage and put the money he earnt by the business back into the business for growth.  Growth I was never to see.  So now I was paying for two rental properties, our living expenses and our holidays.  He did however pay for brunch when we would go out on the weekend, and writing it up as a business meeting for tax purposes.  The planning for the trip was going well, my friends in Shanghai were excited to receive us, I had cleared it with the Units security officer to make sure there were no conflicts of interest and no conflicts with me partaking on such a venture whilst being a member of the Australian Defence Force that held security clearances.  There were no issues.  The only issue I had was when the Officer in Charge of the Defence Intelligence Training Center informed me that his daughter was already in China, I had had enough trips.  I am not sure if he understood that I was just going on a holiday and that his daughter who was a Chinese girl that he and his wife had adopted, was working there should have been of no consequence to our holiday.  I decided that the comment was a misunderstanding or perhaps a joke made on his behalf.

The year went very quickly, my husband and I were planning to have our second child but there were still issues between us, sex was not as frequent so I am not sure how we were planning to achieve that one but there were still instances of romance that would end in sex, obviously when our daughter was asleep.  Work was progressing very well and before we had time to blink I was on the bus with the Officer in Charge of the Joint Intelligence Training Wing, the ex police officer instructor and our resident Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade instructor for our flight to Indonesia.  On arrival we were taken to the Ritz Carlton hotel, and accommodated on the Executive floors.  It was a very nice hotel and the security surrounding ht e hotel for the duration of our stay was very high.  Cars were checked on entry to the grounds of the hotel as well as bags and personnel being checked on entry into the hotel foyer.  Once we settled into our rooms we had a day before the course actually started, to prepare and to unwind.  It was to be two weeks in the hotel and providing training to Indonesian Defence and Public servant professional at one of the Indonesian military establishments.  I recall that on one of the nights I sat in the Executive floor lounge with my fellow ex police officer instructor and Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade instructor drinking.  As is the way with these fellows, as our very own ex Prime Minister who was noted as getting drunk in New York, he started to begin touching us both on the legs in a very playful manner.  Anyway dinking went on and All I can remember saying continually before heading back to my room is

I am Married!! I am Married!! I am Married!!

I had decided long ago that for me marriage was sacred and something that only involved on e other person.  I had had many friends in Defence that had marriages that either ended by someone cheating or due to their financial or family circumstances ended in open marriages.  Which for me was difficult to comprehend?  Looking back I know that it was only for show, but I really did not appreciate it.  Similarly I did not appreciate receiving a phone call from my husband saying that I should work with him, the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade officer or the Army Officer that transferred from the United Kingdom Army to the Australian Army giving me the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade officer’s mobile phone number in early 2006 after I separated from my husband.  A number I left on my desk in case anyone needed it for work purposes.   In Indonesia, nothing ever happened but I did go to his room after the incident to ask what was actually happening.  Also later in the trip to Indonesia, I did go shopping one day on my own as I really needed some time to myself.  Similarly I went for a walk at night one night to have some time to myself, because the Officer in Charge of the Defence Intelligence Training Wing and the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade representative during my lessons decided to take all my lesson material off of me and have me present as though I had not prepared.  At that point we were also instructed not to go anywhere by our selves but to travel in pairs because of a previous incident that occurred in 2004, where a bomb exploded in Syria at a hotel that one of our staff members were staying at.  I only left the hotel after, the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade Officer and Officer in Charge of the Training Development Wing had asked the local students, which taxis you should use in Indonesia and started leaving tourist maps in front of me.  It was as if I was being moved out of the classroom onto the streets.  Basically what was occurring to me in those two weeks reflect heartache and the very circumstances that led me to writing this book.  So at the end of this course, I had ventured out on my own twice, had one of the instructors make moves on me and had my supervisor and a representative from the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade push me towards those two ventures by restricting my performance within the classroom and laying carrots in front of me. The night of walking I saw a lot of Jakarta, kept to the lights, met some interesting people that I spoke to and was back in time to go to the gym before breakfast.  At the gym I saw the ex Australian Federal Police officer who looked at me in distaste.  It was the first time I had ever seen her in a gym or working out.  But the impression she gave me was that I was not supposed to return!!  Sorry but I did, no diplomatic issue raised!!

For the first time ever my husband decided to pick me up from the airport after my return to Australia from Indonesia.  Usually he would let me just catch the bus home as it would save on fuel.  Basically in that drive I decided we needed sometime apart more because of the change of character he showed in the previous months and the way he was talking in the car.  When we were home I told him that I wanted to separate for a while.  I thought that he would go to his work place just outside of Kingaroy, and considering that it was the busy time of year for him or that he would move in with his mother that lived on the Gold Coast.  He stated to me that he didn’t want to do either of those and that he needed a place on the Gold Coast.  He also mentioned that he didn’t want to be like his father.  So basically this was the start where I was being pushed away from everything I had paid for and more importantly the start of me being pushed away from my daughter.  My husband, well he didn’t want to be like his father, living with nothing, instead my husband was happy to steal and manipulate to ensure that.  I am sure that if I died overseas he would have been more than happy to receive any sympathy associated with that irrespective of the action of his towards such an event occurring.  I am also sure that if I died overseas the wonderful writing that were about to be placed on my personal files by the Defence Intelligence Training Center would have been recorded as due to my apparent psychological instability.  Apparently creating such garbage about our people that try and do the right thing protects our people.  In fact the only people it protects is the fat old fucks inclusive of my ex husband that sit in the bar pondering the fluff in their belly buttons. Basically my former husband wanted me to move out of the house and it was only after he voiced those words:

I want our daughter!!

I was only asking for a separation, I never really believed in divorce but by that comment he had thought further. I actually asked him if he could realistically look after her!? His response was,

I’ll try!

It was not the response I was looking for but considering what had transpired I was unsure of what was actually occurring in my home and in my work place!  We flew in on the weekend and as such were given a couple of days before having to return to work.  Fortunately for me I had completed my papers for study a month before this and had also proceeded with enrolling my daughter into three local private schools and her future private dream high school.  It was amazing for one of the local private schools they had mentioned that I had left it a bit late.  She was just over one year old and I had left it a bit late to enrol her in a school that she would not see until she was five.  Apparently most of their enrolments they receive before the children were even born.  I had also managed to keep all of our financial arrangements well documented in a folder.  Everything was very well organised for a woman that was going to be accused of being unstable by the very husband.  But that is what was about to occur and would have been good grounding for the production of sympathy being received by him if I was killed in Australia or overseas, by my own hand or someone else’s hand.  Apparently he is still an Army Infantry Officer that is always available to deploy but just never has!!!

After the couple of days and on my return to work I had to front the Commandant.  He was a Lieutenant Colonel reservist that was filling the position temporarily whilst the new incumbent became available to take up the position.  At the time I did not know who was going to be replacing him.  He informed me that he was told by the Officer in Charge of the Joint Intelligence Training Wing that I disobeyed orders and went out of the hotel one day by myself to go shopping.  Yep now with everything that was about to occur I was to find out that the Defence civilian position offered to me was just a carrot to get me on the move and now here was the start of the many sticks that were about to follow!  I said that that was correct I did not take any one with me.  He went on to say; well we have already had one person almost get killed by a bomb explosion overseas.  At that point I did jump in to correct him that that bomb attack occurred in the hotel and it was whilst the person was out which probably saved his life.  I did follow with the fact that I did leave the hotel and went to a safer shopping center.  He did not have any comment just a smile on his face.  He went further to say to me that your husband has phoned to say that you are sick at the moment. (I believe Frank’s first move into manipulating my performance in the work place.) Oh I had married a professional, one that uses children for money and tries to make all females around him look bad in an effort to make himself look good.) I went onto inform him that we are in the process of separating and that I am not sick at the moment.  The conversation did not proceed any further on his behalf and he never documented the warning or recorded the conversation.  I think that he was not really a fan of my husband and really was not interested in the game that was about to start.  He probably has seen the pathetic story creation efforts of his permanent serving colleagues and knew of its ineffectiveness.  He let me leave the office with one of those facial expressions of they have no idea what they are about to get involved in.  I guess he knew a bit about me!!  When I set off the fire alarm with the popcorn in the illegal brew area, he kind of had the same expression.  For me, it felt like I was about to be going through one of those training programs that I used to frequently get told about back in 2001 and 2002 by the old Major in Charge of the Australian Intelligence Corps Officer and soldiers career management.  In some respects it is those very thoughts that got me through things that I know others would not be able to get through because I could always turn real situations into a training context where I would analyse the situation and identify lessons learnt. I informed the Commandant that I would be submitting my paperwork for change in marital status and request for change of rental assistance. 

After hearing that my former husband had called him directly at this point in our marriage and to say such a thing yet he did not have the balls to phone the Lieutenant Colonel in Hawaii about his father, I knew I had to move away and find a way to pull my daughter with me.  For me personally, the situation in the townhouse with my husband was becoming stressful, a stress I wanted to keep away from my daughter.  I was a bit shocked at the person that I had married, not someone that would defend his country which is what the uniform was for but a man that would manipulate and steal from his wife and use their very daughter to do it.   I had no interest in playing games with him, especially along the lines that he was to make comments towards, ‘It is better if you stayed in a hotel’.  I am not sure why I would waste money on a hotel and pay (or have Defence pay through my allowances) to keep a roof over his head.  But I guess he could make me look unstable by spending such money or make it look like I am off cheating on him.    After all his mother was later to tell me the only reason why I would be leaving her precious son was if I was psychologically unstable or having an affair.  I felt like saying to her, do you really know how your son talks about you – but that would have been a waste of time.  Basically my husband due to his lack of internal fortitude or integrity, he deserved no sympathy, reason why we were separating! Yet I did not think that Defence would allow him to use their creative writing to keep my daughter from him.  Especially when he did not have and has since not had the intestinal fortitude to serve for them.

I needed something more permanent for accommodation.  He would not move out of the townhouse to his work place in Kingaroy or to his parents’ house that was just down the road from us on the Gold Coast.  He pretty much followed with I don’t want to live like my father with almost tears swelling in his eyes.  Apparently he offered that I could go into a hotel on the Gold Coast or that I should go and stay with his parents.  The hotel, I would be paying for and when we were entering a separation it was a cost we did not need.  On meeting his parents and hearing those words from his mother that for me to want to leave her son, I would have to be unstable or to be having an affair the offer of accommodation at his parents house would have only have been at my demise.  I did not see moving onto the base as an option either as I could not have my daughter stay with me on the base in single Officer accommodation and at that stage I was still awaiting the Royal Australian Navy’s response to my application for temporary waiver of my Return of Service Obligation for time spent in Hawaii so that I could take up the Defence civilian position at the Defence Intelligence Training Center.  Even though what was about to transpire, I felt that it was important for me to stay located on the Gold Coast so that I could be closer to my daughter.  I was able to gain Defence assistance for rental accommodation and found a one-bedroom apartment on the Gold Coast that was fully furnished, had cable TV and was on a golfing estate.  It was also close to work reducing my transport costs.  A very nice place to bring my daughter and spend time with her! It was also inland from Gold Coast in a suburb called Robina, which had easy access to the road leading to the Hinterland where the base was located.  Before Christmas 2005 I had successfully moved into the new apartment.  Having it furnished meant my daughter and her father did not miss out on anything.   I was still used to and thinking of how they would cope which is how it was always for me from the beginning of her life.  I did not want her sitting or sleeping on the floor when she was with her father by taking the furniture that was mine with me.  I guess that was the protective instinct in me.  I was in a lot of pain but I had learnt through out my previous career not to show it.   The pain related to my daughter and my relationship with her, with the influence of my former husband’s actions and what was happening and about to happen at work I felt as though she was being pulled from me.  Something for any mother is a very painful experience.

After moving into the apartment I mentioned to my husband that I still wanted to go and take my daughter to visit my friends in China.  His response was,

No one is going to China now! It is not safe!!

I had no idea what he was talking about and said again that I wanted to still go and take my daughter, as I have already paid for the trip.  He responded again that no one is going and I have hidden the passports.  Oh was dealing with an apparently mature and stable professional!!  When I finally got out of him where the passports were, I found out that he had hidden them at his mother’s place.  This was no comedy, the one woman that he had talked so badly he was suddenly turning to for support.  Something he had not done in a long time.  I was only able to get my passport off of her; she would not hand over my daughters.  I took the time got back the money from the cancellation of my husbands and daughters ticket and went to see my friends in Shanghai China.  At this point I felt like I needed to be around friends to collect my thoughts and identify a path through the divorce and enhance my career.

It was a very interesting trip.  Shanghai’s architecture is a mixture of old European colonial of the Bund with modern metal futuristic buildings that are surrounded by small traditional Chinese carts, and shacks.  The air quality was noticeably a lot worse than that of Australia but did not detract from the natural beauty.  At my American friend’s place it was great to just catch up, tell stories, let me cry a bit about my relationship issues and have her show me the local culture and wonderful food.  Our days were spent where she would prepare their boys and drop them off at school we would have the remainder of the day to ourselves.  She had two small boys, which were beautiful and full of character and life.  She had informed me that initially it was difficult for her to get used to the Expatriate wife lifestyle but eventually she was able to comfortably fill her days.  Like me she was used to working and being very independent.  After the wonderful days I spent just looking around the local area of Shanghai, I flew up to Beijing to see the Great Wall, Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square and Ming Tombs.  It was amazing to be standing in the middle of Tiananmen square and just looking around, remembering what had transpired through the history in that very famous place.  At every, tourist spot there were always Chinese students that would come forward to speak to me as a means to practice their English.  Some were extremely fluent; you would think that they were natural Australians or American.  Shopping was interesting; the labels were a mix of European and Chinese with the majority being at cheaper prices in Australia.  As it was winter and very cold I bought a couple of pairs of boots.  Boots to this day that looks brand new even though they have been to the grandest places in Australia or trekked through the various valleys in the Middle East. On my return to Australia, it was the Christmas 2005 holidays and my husband and I had arranged for a handover of the daughter on Christmas day.  By this time my parents had moved into my mother’s old family home in Beaudesert.  My father had retired from work and I guess both were expecting to spend quality time with their grandchildren, my sisters’ and my child.  My mother had actually come down earlier to look after my daughter whilst I went to Indonesia as it was the first time my husband’s mother could not look after her and he was going to be working.  Both however never discouraged me from going, especially my husband. He liked the extra money and welcomed the trips and knew I was considering taking him and our daughter with me one time.

The drive for Christmas to my parent’s house was not good.  I ended up running our car into the back of another car just outside of Canungra.  It was one of those incidents where you wait until the car starts to move in front of you then you look to see if it is safe for you to go and then just as you take off the car in front of you suddenly stops for no reason.  As both cars were road worthy and we exchanged our details I told them that we should pull into the police station in Canungra to make a report.  They initially did not want to but finally agreed as I told them I was going there anyway for a report.  As it was Christmas we both had places to be but we still needed the police report.  We went to the station to make the report but no one was there and was told we could make the report later.  It was an issue for me as my daughter was in the car and I knew that it could be used against me by my husband but I was not hiding the fact and told my husband about the incident and that our daughter was not injured.  I made it to my parent’s house and there was no damage on the car that needed repairing but for the people on the other car, well they started to develop neck trouble, their car needed this it needed that etc etc etc.  I handed the calls to my husband, even though we were separated the car was originally his and it was still in his name.  So Christmas was spent thinking about what had happened, trying to spend quality time with my daughter and trying to think about what I would be doing next.  The best part of that time was watching my daughter play at my new place.  There was a spa bath in the bathroom, which she would bath in but would use it as a swimming pool.  She would never let the water fill past the jets before turning them on so the bathroom and sometimes the bedroom would end up awash with water.  The cleaning up after her little ventures did not worry me, as I loved watching her have fun.  Similarly when we would walk out to the lake and feed the ducks and the swans in the complex, she would always have fun, it was seen as a chance of exploration for her. She would love feeding them and would regularly chase them with a big smile.  It was a beautiful place for us to spend quality time.

After Christmas 2005 I was able to catch up with my American friend that I stayed with in China, she ended up staying down at Sanctuary Cove for a couple of weeks with her husband and the boys.  It was good to see her and to be able to bring my daughter to play with her boys.  I was so happy to introduce her to my daughter and as she and her sons had great social skills, the children played well together.  My daughter just loved meeting new people and loved even more playing with new children, no matter what their age, sex or colour was.  It was also a good chance for my American friend to take some time to herself as I encouraged her to take a facial and massage whilst I was there and could look after the children.  She took up the offer and had one of the best me times anyone could wish for!!!

After this break of thinking, watching and experiencing it was back to work and I had completed my first Masters Degree.  I had moved out of my family home and was in a separated arrangement where we were still to work out what we were going to do.  I was also to find out that the new Commandant that was to be posting in was the same one that I met on Tandem Thrust (Talisman Sabre) in 2001 who had written the bad report on me and the same one that was in Hawaii when I was on exchange posting there.  As well as him having his wife work for him as his personal assistant, whilst he was there he had the Embassy approve giving him a residence that was above the initial ceiling for someone of his rank for various reasons.  Reasons that were not relevant for his Navy predecessor who lived in a modest residence!  I was actually feeling scarred, scarred of losing my daughter because I know how excited of my actions in stressful situations considering how ridiculous he would look by reacting in such a way.  Especially considering that even though I had had people tell me I was a good mother I had had an army friend of my husbands say to me quietly once that ‘if you didn’t want her you shouldn’t have had her.’  That was the very friend that I had discussed before as being my husbands only friend at KOKODA Barracks and the comments was made in 2005 at Riverfire when we were invited to the Mayors (the Mayor at the time was an ex Army Officer) function on the roof of a Queensland parliament building.  Prior to that at the same function he had said to me that ‘you only trapped him!’  At the time I just let the comments just pass, but now with what was occurring in my workplace and home front, I felt that those that had no idea wrongly placed me in a net so to speak.  His comment of I trapped him, well he was on a very good wicket because since our marriage I had paid for everything and with our growing family and after buying him a business, I was still paying for everything.  In our separation, I was still paying for everything yet he was more than capable of working for the Army or the airlines or any other company.  It just so happened that as previously stated, his Army friend that had been saying these things to me had actually complained that his girlfriend had given quite a significant amount of her money to her daughter and had not actually considered him.  They were like a pair of thieves in a green uniform.  The Army must be so proud!!

And that was the start of my hell couple of years at the Defence Intelligence Training Center where my experience can only be described as emotional and financial rape so that physical rape or really anything else would not hurt.  What I went through during those couple of years I was told about back in 2000-2001 (which probably helped me to get through it - just) and had experienced slightly on Tandem Thrust (Talisman Sabre) 2001.  How I got pushed so far, I guess it was due to my previous experiences within Defence and how I was able to handle them and as a young female Army Intelligence Corps Officer said to me once in a question:

‘How do you keep your uniform so clean!’

‘Well basically I am clean – can you really say the same thing!’

(Well they were my thoughts in response)

I was never able to be fraudulent, would always call an investigation on myself irrespective of what would come out or be said about me and would take the hits provided that things were sorted out the right way.  But how do I explain the loss of my daughter’s mother to her, is only through this book and if you have bought it then you have assisted considerably.  For 2006 I focused on my future and a future with my daughter.  But I continued to be pulled away from her both emotionally and physically no matter how hard I tried to find a path back to her.

With strong support from my Officer in Charge of the Defence Intelligence training Wing, I enrolled in the Masters program at Bond University.  I really wanted a Doctorate but was pushed along the line of a second Masters degree.  I did not apply for Defence financial assistance for the course, similarly as I did not apply for Defence financial assistance for the first Masters even though both Maters degrees correlated directly to enhancing my knowledge within my work environment and I was entitled to financial assistance.  Was that my choice, well it was not encouraged and if there was no financial support then both qualifications were not on my Navy records.   The second Masters degree that I enrolled in was a Masters in International Relations and although I was not focused initially the final thesis was directed towards Nuclear Security.  At the time of enrolment I was thinking more of Russian Foreign Policy, something that maybe I will complete as a Doctorate.  I had done a lot of calculations as to whether I could afford it but was basically seeing myself live as a bit of a hermit for the next couple of years, focusing on my work requirements and completing a second Masters degree by part time study.   With the public servant position or Defence I should have been able to afford the expense.  I only enrolled in two courses and as attendance was compulsory had cleared it with the Officer in Charge of the Defence Intelligence Wing for me to use my leave to attend the subjects.  I had accrued a lot of leave over the years as I never really found a reason to take a lot of time off during my career.  When I did find a reason it was never an appropriate time to take it.  At that time as my husband was only trying to look after our daughter I was expecting to have her back in my full care by the end 2006 and be settled in my new position.  I still wanted him to have a strong relationship with my daughter and that this would still be a good time for that without the tension between us with the development of strong relationship with her by him or myself. 

So 2006 started and personally I was a mess but I focused on health, I found the gym where I was living, work performing at a high level as I always had and started studying so that I was more effective in performing the required duties of my position as an Instructor, whether it be in a Royal Australian Navy uniform or as a public servant. As shown from past reporting and past personal experiences I could always mask the internal pain, by focusing on improving my situation and now I was considering the situation for my daughter so had more reason to keep my head up no matter what was thrown at me.  Along with continuing delivering my lessons for the courses, looking after my daughter when she was available to me, I had to now process my transfer to the Royal Australian Navy Reserve for the 04 May 2006 that was being designated as the latest time for the public servant position to be filled.   I had to request a partial waiver for my Return of Service Obligation from time spent on exchange posting to Hawaii from the Royal Australian Navy.   The recent correspondence that I had received from Navy Office was that the Return of Service Obligation for Hawaii would expire on the 29 September 2006.  As I was going to still be working for Defence and it was only a couple of months, I thought that the result would be positive.  I was also more determined as my daughter was at stake, I could not risk losing the opportunity of gaining a good job near her dad and her dad’s family so that my daughter could have both of her parents. 

Surprisingly I received a response from Navy within a month of applying.  The response was negative and I was devastated.  I should have felt honoured that the Royal Australian Navy felt compelled to keep me employed for the next seven years, five at my choosing and two at their stubborn insistence!  Or perhaps they felt I was important and that it was not just stubbornness!  Considering that the other Officers that took up exchange postings overseas whilst I was there and after me were allowed to leave the service on their return to Australia if they desired.  That is inclusive of the person that replaced me at the Joint Intelligence Center Pacific in Hawaii, they were not required to serve under a two-year return of service obligation for their posting to Hawaii.  There was nothing to keep them or their experiences gained.  I was actually offering my experiences gained on a permanent basis as a public servant where I would be paid less by Defence.  As well as an increase in staffing numbers at the Defence Intelligence Training Center, especially the Defence Intelligence Training Wing, we even had a Navy Reserve Officer post in from working as a civilian in Singapore.   He made a point of telling me that for the position he took a considerable cut in pay for his return to Australia.  But I guess family commitments brought him back to Oz and the Royal Australian Navy were planning on increasing their staffing numbers at the unit.  He had had experience looking at Russia that probably influenced my thoughts for wanting to conduct study into Russian Foreign Policy.  Prior to my leaving for Hawaii we had an Electronic Warfare Senior Sailor that was posted to the Defence Intelligence Training Center in the Maritime Intelligence Wing whilst I was instructing for that Wing.  He was a Russian linguist and I would hold long talks with him about previous issues and work he had done so it had always been on my mind.  Studying Russia really came to the forefront as I had gained confidence on my ability to successfully study and applying the acquired knowledge whilst I was studying my first Masters degree. 

The rest of the year was really much of a blur as it was quite stress full.  But my focus for that year was on health, work and knowledge for a future with my daughter kept me going.   I became a vegetarian during that year as I found on my budget meat was too expensive.  For my efforts I actually started to feel a lot healthier internally and have never gone back to eating meat. Since 2011 I had started to eat seafood but have never been able to eat a steak of any kind or even chicken.  To me it no longer tasted like a steak or chicken but tasted like a dead animal. 

With the negative response from Navy with regards to my request for a partial waiver, I assumed that I then could negotiate with the Defence Intelligence Training Center if there was some way to hold the position open for me to assume the role in the 29 September 2006.  Basically I would be doing the work for the position, just in uniform and they had a second Royal Australian Navy Officer a reservist, also performing the duties.  Considering the effort that they had placed into me ensuring that I applied for the position, placing me through a selection board and telling me on completion that I was successful I was surprised that they told me they could not hold the position for me yet I still felt pressure to resign or should I say transfer tot eh Royal Australian Navy reserve and to maintain my enrolment in my second Masters degree.  After receiving the negative feedback I was quite shocked and hurt but did not want to show my true feelings to those that seemed to be playing with me professionally.  I worked out how many days I would need to take after my leave ran out and filled in an application to take Long Service Leave for the period 26 Jun-18Aug2006. I was also going to use this time to think about what I was going to do for the personal aspect of my life, my daughter.  How could I turn my professional experience with Defence and two Master’s degrees into suitable employment for her and myself?  During this time as previously stated I was receiving significant pressure from the unit’s senior staff about my dress and bearing and work performance.  Something I had not received before.  I was even called in the Commandant’s Office (Now the one that I worked with on Tandem Thrust (Talisman Sabre) 2001 and was posted to Hawaii as the senior military representative in the Consulate) and he had called in the Executive Officer, the female Air Force Squadron Officer.  I was seated directly in front of him with his desk in between us whilst the Executive Officer was seated to the back of his office.  Once we were both seated and the door was closed, he just started yelling at me.  I looked away from him at her and she seemed quite shocked.  I looked away from him as I could not believe what he was saying and how he was saying it to me when he comment:

                                    ‘See you can’t even look at me’

Apparently I was to continue looking in his eyes whilst he basically abused me.  At the end he had a big smile on his face and seemed very proud of himself. During this session that is the only word I could use for it as I was turning everything in my mind into a training context, I continually thought to me, you are not breaking me. After this he wrote up a report of the meeting, if that is what you can call it and it was written very negatively about my dress, bearing and composure.  I could not read the report, as I was totally shocked.  That was one of many situations that I was placed in for no apparent reason but at the end the person conducting the abuse/session would always have a big smile on their face.  It was mainly the Commandant that would treat me in such a way.  The Officer In Charge of the Defence Intelligence Wing, was more reserved in the way he was manipulating me, taking things off me and placing unrealistic requirements upon me.  It was as if I was being pushed to become insubordinate or pushed to hate the services. 

I was not into playing games, which is what they would make it feel like, as they would always have a big smile on their faces after their performances but it was just pure abuse, they were turning my life, myself into being some form of joke! It made me more determined to concentrate on just working, studying and significantly improving my fitness.  I dropped a lot of fat and toned a lot of muscle.  I started as a solid size ten and went down to a small size eight.  During that year, I never missed an instructional period and I maintained my study commitments.  I really had no social life.  My only social life was my time with my daughter, as when she was with me I would dedicate my time to her.  For my study, I deliberately removed myself from the classified computers (I still had access), and ensured that any information I placed in my papers I had the sources (books, articles) clearly and accurately referenced.  I concentrated on the various conflicts, nuclear for peaceful purposes, nuclear weapons, refugees and associated people trafficking, arms trafficking, foreign and public policy (various countries), and in some respects terrorism.  I was pretty much looking global and was dedicating my time to it.  I use an art block to mind map my papers before I wrote them and would always identify possible solutions and counter solutions to the various issues I looked at.  In some respects I was training myself to get into heads of various people in positions of power and identify their reactions to the various solutions I thought would work.  The abuse at my work, and the associated manipulation from a husband using my daughter had me escape into study and fitness.  I always kept up with world current affairs and as I would watch situations unfold in some respect from what I was training my mind to do could identify the reactions that would occur.  I would also go into how I thought people would be affected by certain situations and what their reactions would be.  I never looked tactical, but did look to the individual no matter what side, operationally and strategically, as I believe the person, operational actions and strategic plans are really the one.  To gain the strategic outcome desired you have to place the person/people first and develop your operations accordingly and be willing and flexible to change direction or tact very quickly with the operation that you are managing.  I am not a warfare officer, so tactics to me are not well known, I just know that we have Rules of Engagement and International Law and if either is disregarded consequences have to be accepted by those that disregarded them. I had access to a lot of very intelligence international students and I learnt a lot from them of their personal opinions on various issues based on their personal learning and experiences in their various countries.

After successfully completing the first forms of assessment at university I remember that I was driving up to the unit for the early morning physical training session.  It was a very wet morning and as I started to drive up one of the back streets I accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the break.  It was a eighty kilometres an hour zone but at the time I think that I ended up at just over eighty-kilometres an hour.  The car started to skid and as I noticed a car in front of me heading my way I allowed the car to go off the road instead of trying to bring it back under control and possibly into a dangerous situation with the other car.  My car ended up wrapping around a couple of times an electricity pole on the side of the road and breaking the axel on the car.  The cars, the baby seat that I had stored in the boot of the car, were a right off.  As for me I walked away swearing with a sore shoulder.  The car that I saw on the road stopped and the driver allowed me to come over to his car to sit down.  He was a tradesman that was on his way to a job down on the Gold Coast.  When I looked in his car I knew that if we had hit he would have been seriously injured.  The car was a utility and there were tools spread all over the front seat.  In my car there was nothing in it but the packet of tampons that I kept in the compartment between the two front seats.  The compartment opened in the crash and the tampons flew out and were all over the dashboard.  They could not hurt me, what hurt my shoulder was that my car had hit the pole on the right side just behind my seat.  The car then spun around and hit the pole on the left side before the front of the car lifted off of the road and crashed back down to the ground.  There was a creek behind the pole and if I didn’t hit the pole the car would have ended up in the creek, which probably would have been worse for me.  I have no idea how I ended up surviving the accident but that point was not a comedy of errors.  At the end of the accident I just had to file a police report for the insurance.  As the car was in my husband’s name I gave him the insurance money.  I ended up buying a very cheap motorcycle and took the necessary lessons to gain my license for it.  I figured that it would save me on petrol money, and would only take a couple of weeks to master.

The police that came to the accident drove me home to my apartment at Robina.  My apartment was located close to the Mudgeeraba police station and on the other side of the golfing estate there was the Australian Federal Police station.  Now that was a comedy of errors considering what I would experience later on my journey back to my daughter.  On returning to my apartment I phoned work to let them know that I could not make it to work, as I had just been involved in a car accident.  Once I settled down I went to the library at the university to focus on study as that would bring me back to focus and help me get over the ordeal I just experienced.  I received a phone call a significant time later in that day from the Executive Officer at the Defence Intelligence Training Center saying that I had to come up to Kokoda Barracks to go to the hospital that was on the base, as I had just had a serious accident.  I informed them that a civilian ambulance had come to the scene and assessed that I did not need to go to a hospital.  Later that day I received another phone call from the Executive Officer and was told that the ambulance from the base was going to be coming to pick me up.  I responded with ok if they have to.  Finally later, closer to the end of the work-day for them, I received a phone call to say that the ambulance could not be organised and they would see me tomorrow at work.  I never had to go to the hospital.  Whilst I was getting my motorcycle licence I was able to gain a lift to work with some of my work colleagues.  And the days that I had classes I would take leave from work and just attend them if I had no classes programmed for Instruction or syndicate work at work.  I would try to place work first but I felt that the pressure was on me to place my studies first.  It was amazing really the transformation; I was getting to the point of thinking that the study mattered that it would assist me with my future planned career with Defence whether it was in uniform or as a civilian.  I think I was pretty much staying, but I really wasn’t sure how.  Or maybe that was just an illusion or a delusion being placed on me by my work place, I am not really sure!

It seemed that my car accident and pursuit of a motorcycle licence actually encouraged others at the unit to take up the more economic mode of transport to work.  Initially there was only one motorcycle, and then there was almost seven motorcycles in the car park at work. And riding in the winter was cold, very cold!  My husband and I had pretty much agreed to me having my daughter for three days a fortnight and he had her for the other days.  This suited him and I took the dates.  His mother looked after my daughter for him most of the time until the female partner of his father’s friend that was his witness at our wedding in March 2002 moved in with him.  She then took aver a lot of the care for my daughter.  She had broken up with her partner, and he had moved on to dating his aunty on his father’s side.  The aunty that my former husband said that he stayed close to even though his sisters didn’t, to ensure that he would receive everything from her when she passed away.  It was all pretty weird but I won’t comment here on what I really thought as at the time there was very little I could do.  By this time as we could not agree on a settlement we had both gone to see lawyers?  Well he had first; it seems that he had almost prepared legally for this situation.  Initially for the three days he would drop her off at the apartment and come and pick her up when it was time for her to leave.  We kept the meetings amicable for her sake but it was stressful for me I am not sure about him.  I know that he would try and provoke me because for some reason he seemed to need me to be assessed as psychological unstable.  I am unsure why that was so important to me, but as he would always say to me he is a professional.  I will leave it to you to decide just what type of professional!  An example of his provocation and how little he cared for my daughter or me, one day he came to pick up my daughter and had bought a booster seat for her.  It was not properly fitted and the seatbelt was left hanging off her.  Basically she was not restrained in the booster seat.  I was not happy, but in a controlled voice told my former husband to fit the seat properly and proceeded to undo the seat belt for him to fix it.  The car was on and he would not hop out of the driver’s seat.  He told me to do it back up so I said no.  He hoped out of the car and I stood back, he did up the seat belt which was just hanging very loosely off my daughter, shut the door and proceeded to hop back in the driver’s seat and drove off.  It reminded me of his ignorance or should I say callousness of when he would not correct the baby seat to drive my daughter home from the hospital after she was born leaving me holding her firmly in the front seat as he drove us home.  I did it that day, I just held her, tightly without crushing her, it was a stressful position and time for me.  But the day with the seat belt, I had had enough. I called the police, and asked them to go to his house to check the booster seat and the seat belt.  I told the police officer that we were separated and going to a divorce and that I believed that my daughter’s father did it to provoke me and just did it for driving out of the apartment block but I needed them to check just in case.  I also let him know that he might say that I was unstable, but I didn’t care, I wanted the seat checked.  I had given up at that point with fighting, but never received a response back from the police.  When I phoned them again I was informed they checked and not to worry about it.  I guess he said again I was unstable, it was a bit sad but obviously the police were not interested in his crap.

As I had also wanted my parents to have time with my daughter, I had organised for my husband’s mother to change from every Friday to alternative Fridays with my parents. Initially as I would have her Wednesday to Saturday fortnightly I was able to drive her over to Beaudesert the Thursday night and stay with them overnight and the following Friday evening would drive back to the Gold Coast for her daddy to pick her up the Saturday morning.  I never had to see my former husband’s mother again.  Once I lost the car in the car accident, I had to have my father drive over to pick my daughter up on the Wednesday morning from my apartment on the Gold Coast and he would drop her off and pick her up from the childcare center as well as taking her back to their place for the couple of nights.  I would ride over to their place after work on the Wednesday and spend the nights with them and my daughter.  It was a nice thing for them to do, spend time with their grand daughter but unfair that I had to have them support me financially in this way considering they were both retired and on pensions.  For my daughter, she was amazing to watch in the country.  At the age of two, she had her own gumboots with flowers on them and would wear them when she would go out to my uncle and aunt’s farms.  She knew how to herd sheep, feed lambs with a bottle, handle chicks, collect eggs and chase chickens.  She loved it, just as much as she loved playing at the childcare center with the other children.  I also know that my parents, aunts and uncles also loved showing her the life in the country.  I am not from the country but more of a water person and feel lost when I am not near the water, reason for joining the Navy but appreciated the efforts of their lifestyle in the country.  My daughter was also aware of animals from the sea, as when I had a car, I would regularly take her to Seaworld to see the animals.  It was important to me that she had a great understanding of animals whether they were from the sea or the land.  She also had a great understanding early about cleaning up thanks to childcare and my efforts at home.  She was always tidying up after herself and picking up rubbish to place in the bin around the apartment.   Not that there was really any rubbish as I am particular when it comes to cleanliness, but made sure that she never developed a habit of just dropping rubbish.  I sometime had a problem when we were out walking to Robina shopping center, she would always try and pick up rubbish from the side of the road to place in a bin.  She was only young, still sucking her fingers and the last thing I wanted was for her to have germs from rubbish that I don’t know where it has been going into her mouth.  But preventing her from picking up the rubbish turned into delicate negotiation with her, because she was actually doing the right thing.  We came up with a plan, point it out to mummy and mummy would pick it up and then mummy would wash her hands.  God I love her!!!  

The unique support that my workplace was showing me to complete my second Masters Degree became more proactive and more to my detriment!  As I was not injured from my car accident and chose not to seek convalescent leave for an injury that may have developed, suddenly my supervisor, the Officer on Charge of the Defence Intelligence Training Wing wrote up a letter requesting psychological counselling as I was displaying signs that were not becoming of an Officer.  I was given a Psychologist on the Terrace (one of the various terraces that support the medical and legal professions) to see.  After seeing him the diagnosis was that there was no issue with me continuing with my work commitments.  I called my supervisor from the Defence driven car returning me to the Gold Coast from Brisbane to let him know that I would be at work the following day. He did not sound pleased.  When I phoned he was at Sea World Nara Resort hotel, the place that the Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis course for foreigners was to be conducted. I informed him that I could be down there tomorrow to assist with the course which was my priority, my work, considering that I was given the public servant position instructing such courses on his recommendation.  His response was no I’ll hand you over to the Commandant to arrange something.  Speaking to the Lieutenant Colonel by phone, the very Lieutenant Colonel that had previously yelled at me in his office, he informed me that I had to be at the Defence Intelligence Training Center the following day.  Considering how concerned he and the Defence Intelligence Training Center were for my welfare by sending me to the psychologist, and as I lived on the way to work for him I asked if he could give me a lift to work.  This was before qualifying for my motorbike license. The response from the Lieutenant Colonel was:

I don’t think that that is appropriate!

I was feeling really loved for not taking convalescent leave for possible injuries I could have feigned but didn’t from the car accident or for their new plan of Psychological reasons!!!  One of my work colleagues offered to drive me to work until I gained my motorcycle licence.  It was much appreciated.  I should also mention that looking back now, I now know I was always being pushed away from my daughter.  Before the pressure really started on me for Mother’s day 2005 of the only two duties I had to fill for that year, one was the day before Mother’s Day 2005.  A new mum at a base where over eighty per cent of Officers and senior non commissioned officers are male, and that particular duty was given to me.  It meant that on Mother’s Day, the first Mother’s Day I was to have with my daughter in Australia I would not be able to wake up seeing my daughter on Mother’s Day but would have to wait at the base until I completed a hand over with the Officer relieving me of duty on that day.  But it is just something the Regimental Seargent Major for the Center of Excellence would organise; oblivious to the real meaning of the date I was rostered for, just one of those Comedy of Errors that I would endure.  Luckily, my daughter was only one and did not really understand the real meaning at the time.  When I came home she was able to hand me my present with a big grin on her face as I entered the door.  At the time I think she thought the present was for her so let her help me open it. But again I transgress.

The day after seeing the psychologist on the terrace and after that phone call to my supervisor and the Commandant I was moved down to the front reception desk where I was to sit in front of the window where staff and trainees would come to the administrative staff to ask for various forms of assistance.  The move was very blunt and there was not a lot of love shown but the Commandant had that smile on his face again whilst he took personal control of my move.  I had been the Officer in Charge of the Joint Training Development Wing, an Instructor for the Defence Intelligence Training Wing and Maritime Intelligence Training Wing, just completed one masters degree in own time received significant support and encouraged to enrol in and complete the second masters degree and was still performing as required in the work place, but I was having my whole life turned upside down.   It was amazing I did have one reservist Australian Intelligence Corps Major who had completed two Doctorates degrees, deliberately come to me and tell me that I did not need to complete a second Master’s degree that I could just go onto a Doctorate.  The response from the administrative finance clerk that sitting behind me in the front office was no she doesn’t and basically pushed him away from the window.  Apparently the staff at the Defence Intelligence Training Center was getting more out of my studies by my attending Bond University than what I was.  To this day I am not sure what that was but concerned that my studies and their treatment of me left me living on the streets in the Middle East and Europe with little financial remuneration, considering I paid for the first and second Master’s degree and paid for my travel.   It was an interesting environment working at the front window, or perhaps I should say humiliating as it felt as though I was being pushed to breakdown and if I didn’t the pushing would just continue and get harder.  Each time it got harder and I jumped through the hoop so to speak, the smiles would come on their faces and it would seem planning would start for the new hoop.  No one seemed to care the internal pain it was actually causing me. I just took the humiliation and focused on trying to piece together a plan for the future.   After a couple of weeks I was placed in the hospital at Enogerra Barracks for psychological assessment for two days. After the two days I was released and returned to my apartment and was back to work.  Still I was not taking convalescent leave and was never required to take medication.  To take convalescent leave I considered would have been fraudulent.

As I was pushed towards studying my Masters degree in International Relations at Bond University what can I really say about it?  Not a lot really! It was still a new private university that was established to hold the same name as Mr Alan Bond.  The very man in 1978 was awarded the title ‘Australian of The Year’, and in 1983 through his financing won for Australia the America’s Cup trophy a turning point in sailing as a sport in Australia.  In 1992 he was declared Bankrupt and later jailed for fraud.  He is one of those Australian icons that no matter what the hit would always get back on his feet, as he made it back to many a rich list from 2008.  An Australian Legend whose heart was in Australia with what he presented to Australia!  It was Bond that gave Australia the American cup, the Endeavour replica and his name to the Bond University.  For me it was the second time I had crossed the same path of his gifts.  In 1994 whilst I was living in Western Australia and working on the Ship HMAS PROTECTOR, the tug for the submarines that I almost hung, I had the opportunity to serve on the Endeavour Replica for three days.  For Australia’s Bicentenary of the two Endeavours received as a present to Australia the Endeavour replica from Mr Bond and the Endeavour Replica from the United Kingdom, I believe the former was the better gift on both an educational level and a sentimental level for Australian children.  The Endeavour replica was built to scale and built in Australia, allowing our boat builders to show their true craftsmanship when working with wood.   A vessel that has a very strong connection to our heritage and later I guess his financial misfortunes as it did cost a lot to build.   As for Bond University, the facilities were very good, class numbers were small and the international aspect with a large number of foreign students gave it a different vibe to that that I experienced at the Australian Defence Force Academy.  There was no vibe with the University of New England, as I was conducting the course by correspondence and there was no requirement for me to discuss issues with other students.  I think that it was the international aspect associated with Bond University that made it attractive to my workplace for my attendance.  But for me, especially whilst I was still in the Royal Australian Navy, I only attended the lectures, syndicate work and went to the library of a night.   I did talk to the students during the lessons and syndicates but I never really met any of the students until after I had transferred to the Royal Australian Navy reserves on the 29 September 2006.  Up until then with the exception of the three days I had with my daughter a fortnight, every other night was spent in the library studying and preparing for assessments.  I was to stay a student at Bond University through until mid 2007.

I did not actually befriend any other university students outside of the lectures and syndicate work until after I transferred to the Royal Australian Navy reserve.   Strange really considering that during the time I was studying at the university there were Army Officers posted to the KOKODA Barracks living in the apartment blocks that were predominately utilised by local and foreign students attending the university.  They seemed to have more of a social life with the university students than I had.  But then Defence was paying for their accommodation and they were not self-funding any study so had plenty of cash to socialise in the bars with them.  This was also a concern really, as I was to find out through making my acquaintance with the students that drugs were quite popular and very easy to get at the university.  But I am sure my Army counterparts would not have partaken in such activities.  As is the case with all universities!! I would regularly see marijuana being smoked and did after my resignation try it as I really don’t think that the incident in 2001 previously discussed that I reported was really marijuana.  As I was told by the Major that always told me those stories back in 2001-2002, that he was always going to try it when he left the Army, I kind of felt compelled after what I had just been through for the last twelve months at the Defence Intelligence Training Center, the abuse and the accusations of being psychologically unstable.  Yet throughout the abuse, I was never medically down graded, never placed on medication, never had my security clearances pulled, I was only ever really laughed at whilst my personal file was being filled with very negative reports.  I doubt the Army Officers living in the accommodation areas with that surrounded the university where the students were living had the same level of negative reporting written about them or the same level of manipulation inflicted on them by going through a divorce that revolved around a daughter being used to push her mother down.  But I guess I was expendable!!!! And that expendable feeling placed on me by my own was to continue to the present day!!!  I would meet former United States military and European military that were studying at Bond University that would all smoke marijuana or take tablets like speed or ecstasy.  The tablets I could never touch and as for the marijuana I never enjoyed it and it was only a couple of times making sure that I did not have to ride my motorbike or was seeing my daughter at the time.  I couldn’t really handle any more and focused more on my study and fitness.  I did however take up smoking normal cigarettes as everyone seemed to be smoking but it was only social smoking, quite minimal and was rarely around my daughter, but I did smoke (normal cigarettes) in front of her a couple of times.  I never had marijuana on me and it was only trying someone else’s at a university party, usually after their insistence.   For me I would not even know how to buy it or the tablets and never wanted to know.   After transferring to the Navy reserves and getting to know the other students I realised why I was being pushed by my workplace to leave and mingle.  I was a thirty-four year old Lieutenant Commander in the Royal Australian Navy that for the last ten years of her career worked in Intelligence and Training and I was fitting in and being accepted by twenty to twenty-eight year old university students because I looked young and to some respect was still young at heart.  The comedy of errors, I had to forgo my career because I looked young and was doing well in my second Masters degree.  I fitted in, I missed my daughter considerably but I fitted in, I was succeeding at something that others wanted to utilise.  What I have learnt from it is sometimes it is better not to succeed.  But as I always wanted to have a place away from the university to spend time with my daughter I chose not to move onto the campus area or into the surrounding apartments utilised by the students as the other Army Officers did, even though that accommodation was a lot cheaper.  I knew that it would have been used against me in my custody battle with my daughter.  This was however to my financial detriment but because I was to forfeit so much in the financial settlement I thought not to my daughter’s financial detriment.  But now because I have been kept away from her for so long, it will be her choice to see me and not a battle.  A choice that I have identified been significantly negatively influenced by her father.  But I am still fighting and the best way I have ever found to fight is with the truth and with words.

I remember that the first friend I made was with a female Iraqi that was in Australia to study her Masters in International Relations also.  It was the third semester of 2006, and after I transferred to the Navy reserves.  She lived in Bangkok, Thailand with her husband who worked for one of the European Embassies there.  She met him in Iraq when he was working for one of the European Embassies in Iraq.  I think our first conversation during one of the lectures was about tennis when she asked me if I played.  I informed her yes but not very well.  We never actually got to play a game of tennis and to this day sometimes I wonder if it was tennis that she was talking about, as her English was not very good at times.  It was a class where an American Doctorate student that had just completed his Masters degree was giving the lecture.  He was very young and very good-looking, something for the undergraduate students to look up to.  Actually, half of the lecturers were quite young in the humanities field and were predominately from European or American backgrounds.  There were only really three that would be considered third generation Australian.  But I guess that is the benefit of studying at a University that is heavily marketed to the international audience, as a university where degrees can be completed in two years for a Bachelor and one for a Masters.  I know with one of my friends that I met who had come across from Germany to study at Bond University; she was getting her Bachelor and Masters degree before her counterparts in Germany were actually getting their Bachelor degree.  I was also to make a strong bond with various other nationalities from the university but always maintained some distance as I had my daughter to think about.  With other students, there were some that came out from United States universities that were to complete just one semester abroad or those that were completing their whole degree at Bond University.  The parties from what I heard were always big and always wild.  For me I never really attended a party or even went to the bar until the third semester, I really didn’t see the point, as I was a mature age student improving my knowledge for my current work environment; well that was what I thought at the time. 

Oh and my marriage financial settlement, well the settlement that was heavily in my husbands favour, was settled within the last week of my service as a permanent Officer with the Royal Australian Navy, just a bit of a Comedy of Errors.  Fortunately for me I was able to do a little bit of refinancing before the settlement to keep my head above the murky water of financial hardship.  It was really from this point that my ex husband started to become arrogant.  He finally handed back some of my personal items and furniture.  I was upset, because it was now going to be very difficult for me, I had planned to be financially secured when I left the Defence Forces but with what occurred over the period December 2005 and for the whole of the 2006 period I was left financially indebt and emotionally ripped apart.  I wanted my daughter but could not fight for her for what I had just been through and the financial state I had been left in.  It was as if I was given the option of either sinking or swimming on my own.  And sinking would have been into an abyss.  I had to swim for my daughter’s sake.  Everything from this point on, people may say was me being selfish, but I would have rather have been with her.  I took everything as a means of increasing my knowledge and looking at the professional development aspects of my experiences.   But just prior to my transfer and departure from the Defence Intelligence Training Center, after the psych assessment that the Defence Intelligence Training Center wanted never really took ground, I was given a censure to ensure that I did not reconsider my transfer or departure considering my financial predicament.  Again my Commandant presented it to me, in a very serious and abusive manner with him smiling at the end.  So I had to keep going, I completed my degree with good marks against the odds and then travelled later in 2007 to the Middle East where I met people that were beautiful, people that were struggling and the bad the people I would never have associated with unless forced into the situations I was forced into.

2007 started off slow, I was now a Navy reservist and received a letter from Navy saying that my security clearances were reduced to Restricted and I no longer held my various briefings yet I was not debriefed which I found surprising.  I had to stay on the Gold Coast to finish my degree, I only had one more subject to complete and that was my thesis, originally I was looking at something that was based more on Philosophy but ended up with it being more security focused, it was looking at International Liberalism and Nuclear Security.  I also decided to enrol in the Diplomacy class as it was one of the classes I wanted to complete even though it was not required for my degree.  It was an extra personal cost to me but thought might be of interest if I were to apply for one of the other agencies as with the Australian Secret Intelligence Service that come under DFAT that I did apply to.  I also applied to the International Atomic Energy Agency and felt that my experiences and studies may have placed me in a suitable position for consideration.  A Scottish Professor that had quite a few of the girls drooling for his accent and his looks delivered it.  I admired him for his knowledge and ease at which he could deliver a lecture.  It also gave me a break from researching my thesis and a chance to still converse with other students on a formal basis.  At the time I wasn’t looking for work because I kind of felt that once I finished I would either be returning to Defence or going through a selection process for the Australian Secret Intelligence Service or the International Atomic Energy Agency.  I did however send off some resumes to private international security agencies on the off chance I could land a position in the private sector, the private sector that was still supporting government.  But that looking back must have just been an unrealistic dream that I could gain such employment even though a lot of what I experienced or should I say endured during the period 2007 to 2011 was in the area of security on an international level and dabbled in the area of nuclear security.  Especially considering the documentation the Defence Intelligence Training Center was writing on me.  I had never had such reports before in my life.  Reports that did not reflect my previous fifteen years of service or my acquisition of two Master’s degrees in two very topical and contentious areas on a national and international front.  But as the Comedy of Errors would have it apparently I was just a joke that would continually be placed in very trying situations and whenever I pulled myself out of it was thrown into another very trying situation.  My male counterparts with similar backgrounds just always seemed to land on their feet and would always just give me that smile that the Commandant used to give me as they walked by.  But I will discuss that further later.

In April 2007, as I was unable to have my daughter for the three days a fortnight (another provocation on my former husbands behalf, he now had my money and was doing everything he could to provoke me), I decided to go to Thailand with one of the students from Bond University, we were going to meet up with our Iraqi friend.  I lost access to my daughter, not for anything I had done, my ex husband just started to stop me from having her.   All he could provoke me to do was obtain a blue card so that I could go and see her in the child care center once every second week in stead.  The staff at the child care center informed me that as I was the mother I did not need a blue card but I felt I should considering that I was staying in the center all day with my daughter and her friends.  I never really knew where I was going to end up for work at that stage and could not really fight for more access or confuse her by seeing her more often.  I always left as they would lay down for their afternoon nap.  She would always want me to lay down with her whilst she fell to sleep but I told her I did not want to leave her when she was asleep I would only leave her when she was awake so I could give her a kiss and say goodbye properly.  The trip to Thailand was one to stop me from going crazy from not having anything to do whilst there were no lectures or syndicate work and I really needed a break from my thesis and secondly, to reacquaint and increase my knowledge of the South East Asia area.  I had travelled to Thailand many times with the Royal Australian Navy but really had only seen ports and port cities with the exception of a couple of inland visits to Bangkok.  The friend from the university that I would be travelling with was a Columbian who had dual, United States of America and Columbian citizenship.  Members of his family worked for the Columbian government and he was considering joining their Department of Foreign Affairs at the time.

Our trip was going to be very cheap, we were planning to backpack through Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Laos and Cambodia.  Unfortunately we were unable to get to Cambodia but the rest of the trip was quite amazing.  We flew from Brisbane into Singapore early evening but decided that he had to see the Raffle’s Hotel long bar before it closed.  It was his first time to Singapore and first time to South East Asia.  I remember that when we were packing for the trip he had mentioned to me that we would have to stuff the bottom of our backpacks with paper so that if someone cuts the bottom to get our gear out we wouldn’t lose anything.  While saying this he was actually very serious, I was very surprised because that did not sound like the South East Asia that I knew.  I told him we would not have to do that, it would not be that bad. But he had the fears of Asia that I had in some respect felt for Columbia.  It was amazing the perceptions of countries that grow through what is reported in the local or national press.  For him, it was what he saw of South East Asia from Columbia.  For me it was what I had seen of Columbia through our local press.  But at the Raffle’s hotel long bar we had a quiet time, not quite afternoon crowd not quite evening crowd.  My meal for the evening was going to be the peanuts on the table as I had not been to the bar since I was there back in 1993 with my Navy friends and when Michael Jackson was staying there.  My Columbian friend tried the Singapore Sling then proceeded to try a couple more of the cocktails, I had the Singapore Sling but that was it.  It just didn’t seem right to have any other cocktail in Singapore.  After his few cocktails we decided to go to one of the outdoor eating areas so that he could try one of the delicacies.  I though he would have the chilli mud crab.  I was wrong, he went for the chilli stingray, something I had never tried and never intended to try especially now that I was a vegetarian.  After his meal, which he referred to in a slurred voice as sumptuous we went looking for a taxi to find a cheap place to stay for the night. 

The taxi and taxi driver we found was trying to be ever so helpful for us.  He first asked if we wanted a double room.  I responded that we only wanted a twin room, that we were not a couple only friends travelling together. 

No. No, No, You want double room!

No, No, No, We want twin room and very cheap!!!

He finally took us to what appeared to be a hostel.  It was small sparse in furniture but clean, which was the important thing for us.  We were given the keys to a twin room and the taxi driver walked proceeded to walk us to the room.  I am not sure why he stayed with us, considering that we had already paid him for the ride but he insisted to help us find love apparently.  Unfortunately for him that just was not going to happen.  He came into the twin room with us and looked at the two beds and basically said,

N

No, no you can push the beds together. 

No we are not now goodbye Mister Taxi driver.

I guess we should have felt honoured that for our $20 room we were being given chauffer service beyond the call of duty by our taxi driver, guess he thought we were special.  The next morning we woke quite late, still getting over the jet lag and for my good Columbian friend getting over the cocktails.  That day we planned to have a look around Singapore taking our bags with us as that night we were catching the train to Kuala Lumpur.  That day he got to try Durian ice cream a must for anyone’s first visit to Singapore and eat it whilst having your photo taken with the Merlion near the Singapore waterfront. We went for a short walk along Orchid Avenue to gaze at the shops and then off to the train station for our journey north.  We were on our way now to Malaysia.

At the Singapore train station we picked up our tickets for Kota Bharu, the capital of Kelatan on the East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia.  Just a short change of plan that we had for going directly to Kuala Lumpur but there seemed to be encouragement for us to take that path.  Once we got there we didn’t really have any plans but we knew that taking the Jungle Railway was going to give us the best opportunity to see the country side of Malaysia and a chance to have some sleep.  The train would go north up the west coast of Peninsular Malaysia to Gemas before it would venture to the right heading north east to Kota Bharu.  The train ride from Singapore to Kota Bharu was long and rewarding.  The countryside was not a jungle but predominately pastoral sporadically split by small villages or houses, quite scenic during the daylight hours.  We passed through open fields mainly rice paddies, with villagers attending to them. The many small villages along the way where there were traditional huts raised off of the grounds had small children sitting on the verandas looking out with big smiles on their faces.  The trip was actually quite long to Kota Bharu, but absorbing the scenery that would unfold before us when we could see it or sleeping to the rock and music of the train made the time go by so quickly that before too long the train had come to a stop and it was time for us to disembark at Wakaf Bharu.  We were approximately six kilometres away from the center of Kota Bharu, and stayed in that area to find something to eat instead of going into the main part of the city.  Once we disembarked we weren’t too sure what we were going to eat but settled on a little corner café where we ordered a rice dish.  No one in the café could speak English and it appeared that we were well off the normal tourist route.  Ordering was made by a series of pointing and shaking the hand as they placed items into a dish for cooking in the wok.  We took out our change to see how much they wanted for the meal, resulting in them pointing to various coins.  The best thing about being off the tourist track was that the food was very cheap, very cheap!  We both received a large vegetable and rice dish for the equivalent of a few cents.  Enough to last us for a couple of days if we needed!  I did say that this was to be a cheap holiday with a lot of sleeping to be on the trains.  Next, a taxi driver started to talk to us and said that he would take us out to the harbour to go across to one of the Perhentian Islands.  They were a small set of Islands set within a protected marine park approximately 30 minutes by speed boat and located just forty miles south of the Thailand-Malaysia border.  We really did not seem to have any choice because he was not really leaving us until we hopped in the taxi to go across.  We hopped in and asked how much it would cost. We got that standard Asian response:

Very Cheap, Very Cheap!!!

The taxi was very cheap and so was the boat going across to the small resort island that we were to stay at.  We were given a cabin with two beds and planned to stay for two nights.  It must have been off-season as the cost was extremely cheap but that could also be attributed to it being an alcohol free island that may not attract the same numbers of Western travellers.  It was the first time my Columbian friend had stayed on an island in the South China Sea, so we were going to take our time and enjoy the ambience and scenery.  There was no alcohol on the island or alcohol available in that part of Malaysia, not that we were concerned.  I think my Columbian friend enjoyed seeing another part of the world and enjoyed the abundance of fresh fruit that was made available to us.  We did manage to go swimming and walked the whole island, which took the good part of a day.  It was quite hilly and at times when we were walking up the slopes felt quite mountainous and steep.  We were actually very trusting, we allowed a taxi driver to take us to the harbour to be placed on a boat to go out to an island in the middle of the South China Sea.  At the time we were located next to the Thailand and Malaysian border area that had been known to experience skirmishes and has at times been considered to be an area for terrorist activity by Thailand.  The Sultan for the area around Kota Bharu maintained a very devout Islamic area, more so than found on the West Coast of Malaysia or in Kuala Lumpur and for us, no one knew where we were going except to know that we were back packing around South East Asia.  Yep we were very trusting but I have since found on other travels that if you do show trust to the locals you can be shown some amazing things or gain understanding of some delicate situations.

Yep, we were very trusting but that trust paid off as we did not have any issues and were shown one of the most magically untouched parts of the world for a fraction of the cost it should have been.  Sometimes unplanned trips are worth a lot more through the people you meet and trust.  On completion of our couple of days it was time for us to leave.  The boat that came to pick us up had to go around all the islands in the group to pick up passengers to take them back to the mainland.  We were the first to be picked up so were given the opportunity to see the other beautiful islands close up.   It was the first time that we also had a chance to see other westerners.  It seems that we had all been scattered amongst the islands in the various small resorts.  Once all the passengers had been picked up the boat picked up speed and started to head back to the mainland.  We had not organised for any transport back on the mainland for taking us back to the train station or even decided if we would take the train across the border, meaning we would have to go back via Kuala Lumpur, or whether we would try and cross the border where we were, on the East Coast and through the copy markets that had grown on the border to attract the local tourists.  On our journey back to the mainland the boat suddenly stopped in the middle of the ocean the engines had just cut out unexpectedly to our driver and to us.  We sat floating for some time in the water before he could get them working again, but for my Columbian friend and me, it really did not concern us as this trip for us was all about the journey.  The only thing we had booked was our flight home to Brisbane, Australia in time for the next semester at Bond University, anything else that happened in between was the experience of the journey. 

This was not the case for the other passengers of the boat, they had train tickets booked and transport waiting at the wharf which they had paid for, they were getting a bit annoyed instead of taking in the great scenery and warmth of the beautiful sunny day we had been blessed with.  It took about an hour for the driver to get the boat running again and we were off, back to the mainland for disembarking and the next chapter in our journey.  Waiting for us on the wharf was the taxi driver that had brought us to the boat on our first day of arriving at Kota Bharu.  We never knew he was going to turn up but figured that the next part of our journey had already been written for us.  He asked us how our stay was and motioned to pick up our bags.  Obviously we were his and this was our tour of Malaysia, organised by the regional taxi driver for Kota Bharu.  We told him the island was beautiful, the food was plentiful and fresh and the people were lovely.  He seemed so pleased that we had enjoyed ourselves.  Personally I was glad that he wasn’t the same as the taxi driver in Singapore that tried to push my Columbian friend and myself into something that was more than just a friendship but also glad that I had actually been shown a set of Islands in the South China Sea that I would never have considered as a holiday destination before.  They were only small and predominately untouched by man.  The holidays were more personal and more as a means of escapism from the hassles of the everyday life I had been forced to endure for the last twelve months. 

Ok now I show you the border before taking you back to the train station!

Yep the taxi driver had decided the rest of our journey for us in the North Eastern Islamic region of Peninsular Malaysia.  My Columbian friend and I just looked at each other and laughed quietly, well the next two days had been organised for us as it was going to take that long to cross the border by taking the train and going back down the central part of Peninsular Malaysia before taking the train north up through Kuala Lumpur.  We had decided that this time it would probably be good to spend a couple of days in Kuala Lumpur before heading up to Thailand.  Besides we had both wanted to do some window cleaning of the Petronas Towers and would try our luck at gaining an opportunity to complete such an activity. 

The border that the taxi driver drove us to was similar to other country borders that I had become familiar with in my travels from United States of America to Mexico, or Nepal to India.  Everyone and every vehicle was checked at the border.  But what was more interesting is that on the Malaysian side there was a very big market area next to the border.   The taxi driver gave us time to walk through the market area, to see the various items of which there were a lot of copy products being sold for tourist prices.  It is almost as if items caught at the border were later being sold at the border to the very tourists that after hearing about the skirmishes on the border come up to see it or cross it.  For me I just wanted to see the parts of Malaysia I had not seen before, for my Columbian friend, he just wanted to experience South East Asia.

After our short shopping experience in the markets on the border the taxi driver took us to the train station.  It was a short trip and the over all cost for the taxi driver to show us around for the day ended up being very cheap.  We looked like we were travelling on a budget and we were, he charged us a minimal cost that equated to almost twenty dollars for the day.  At the train station there were European students hopping off the train and talking about heading to the border to cross it to venture up through to Thailand.  Apparently, choosing one of the most dangerous places for kidnapping!  They asked us the way to the border and we just told them to see the taxi drivers they can take you.  These guys had made up their mind and were heading that way.  As for us we were off to Kuala Lumpur for some cheap touristy sight seeing. 

In Kuala Lumpur we found a very, very cheap hotel to stay in.  It had twin rooms but no sheets but did offer the opportunity to wash some clothes at the Laundromat next door.  It was quite central and gave us access to the buses to take us to the Petronas Towers and other area of this very modernised and western city.  I am unsure of the number of places outside of the hotels that allowed you to drink alcohol as we really did not drink again until reaching Thailand.  Once we had set down our bags and I had completed a load of washing it was time for me to go exploring.  That day we decided to take some time apart.  He went wandering to do some shopping and for me it was washing then a long walk.  That night we met back at the hotel and had dinner together at the small Indian restaurant next door.  The food was predominately vegetarian and very cheap.  The manager of the hotel came to speak with us, we learnt that he was from Brunei and had previously worked for the Sultan of Brunei and it was only in the last couple of years that he and his wife moved away for I guess a different chapter in their lives.  The way that he spoke of Brunei was with admiration for the Sultan and a love for the country.  It reminded me of the feeling that I felt there when I visited with the Royal Australian Navy in 1993.  It just had that homely comfortable feeling about it and those views were being expressed to me across our cheap but very tasty Indian meal in Malaysia by the complete stranger that was managing the cheap hotel we were staying in. 

That night we stayed in the hotel to prepare for a full day of tourist stuff the following day.  Number one was the Petronas Towers as we had heard that you had to line up to complete the tour and go across the bridge joining them.  Breakfast was in another cheap open mamak Indian café in the morning, again a vegetarian meal with some Tarik tea, tea that was given a long pour to provide the necessary aeration.  It was one of the best breakfasts that we had had for the duration of the trip for value, taste and enjoyment.  Next it was Petronas Towers, where we did not have to line up for very long.  But whilst we were there the line did grow very fast.  Thankyou we thought to turn up early but we could not find where the window cleaners were located and with the number of armed guards that were located around the tower and the line for the tour we chose not to ask about them or about if it was possible for us to go up with them.  The elevator was very quick and from the viewing floor we had a clear view of Kuala Lumpur.  The bridge connecting the two towers was split in two.  One was designated the viewing floor whilst the lower level was for office workers to move between the two towers.  After visiting the Petronas Towers we were to visit another tower in Kuala Lumpur that was the second main tourist destination. This was the Kuala Lumpur Tower that was finished in 1995.  The architecture internally of the building was predominately Persian with it being built by an Iranian company, and internally a lot of the décor had been decorated with Arabic and Iranian patterns on the roof and walls.  There were glass-clad domes that provided a magnificent sparkle inside that reflected the faces of a well-cut round diamond. It was a beautiful building and quite highly placed on the hill giving another great view over Kuala Lumpur outside of the central business district.  There was a viewing floor, which we never went up to due to the cost but from the ground floors were able to see all of Kuala Lumpur and internally what was referred to as Malaysian Islamic Culture.   That night we decided that it was time for us to move to our next destination so we went back and checked out of the hotel at no extra cost.  It is good to listen to the stories of hotel managers and be able to relate to their stories.  In this case, it paid off for us.  To the train station again!  We had no idea when the next train would be departing we just knew that we were going to be on it.  We had a bit of a wait, the next train was not until nine pm and it would take us through to Hat Yai in Thailand. This was to be country number three for our trip through South East Asia. 

Fortunately for us we were both able to get into the sleeper cabin where privacy for the single sleeper bunks was just a curtain away.  That night we both slept quite well on the rackety train, only to wake at the stops when the train was not making a noise.  We reached the border early morning. I had been awake since sunrise and had been admiring the scenery.  But at the border we had to hope off the train walk through a maze which was the border train station, were offered duty free alcohol and after going through immigration and customs was walked onto another train for the rest of our journey through to Hat Yai.  Once on the new train, there were only seats no sleeper bunks and a group of Thai plain clothed local security walked in and sat on the train just in front of us.  All of them were carrying pistols that were in plain sight.  I am not sure if their presence was to make us feel at ease or to actually make us feel a bit awkward.  After visiting the Perhentian Islands there was no need to visit Phuket, it was just going to be a beach with Alcohol.  Nothing was said and we decided to spend the night in Hat Yai and catch the next train the following day to Bangkok.  After the short trip to Hat Yai from the border, a taxi driver again picked us up.  This one took us first to have a meal at a restaurant and told us that he would be back in an hour to pick us up.  Again we did not have a choice.  We ordered a meal, this time it was traditional Thai food and after the meal and the hour wait the taxi driver was back to pick us up.  We were taken to a very nice hotel, and were pretty much instructed that if we wanted to go out that we should call him.  We took that as a note that we should not leave the hotel and we were not getting a choice of hotels.  We didn’t argue as the taxi driver and the security guys from the train all had quite serious faces, they never really joked on the trip from the border to Hat Yai.   That night we didn’t really leave the hotel but just enjoyed the room, it was a twin room so they got that right, and it was the best room we had been in for quite sometime so it was a bit of luxury to enjoy at a personal price to myself that seems to have been discounted locally quite significantly. 

The next day we checked out late from the hotel and the same taxi driver came to pick us up.  He told us that he had a special place to take us to today.  He ended up taking us to a traditional Thai spa where we were to spend the next three hours.  We viewed the menu of treatments and each decided on the package for a Thai scrub and a massage.  I decided that I should probably put both of these on my MasterCard and told my Columbian friend that he could pay me back later.  The price was minimal, the scrub and massages were well received and our only day of luxury that we actually took for the whole journey.  On completion we were given some herbal teas and fresh fruit whilst we waited for the taxi driver to come back and pick us up to take us to the train station for our journey to Bangkok. 

The train trip to Bangkok was going to be another over night affair and luckily we were able to get sleeper bunks so that we could sleep most of the way and again take in the sights of the rice paddies, villages and villagers attending to their fields or waving at the trains as they went by.  There was no security on this train, as we had experienced on the train to Hat Yai, just some locals and westerners enjoying their travels through South East Asia.  On arrival at Bangkok we found a very cheap hotel and checked in for two nights.  After checking in we phoned our Iraqi friend, we knew that she was going to be at home and had probably completed a trip with her husband to Cambodia.  She was home and organised to meet us in the city for lunch.  Lunch was at a very nice Thai restaurant and she then proceeded to brief us on what we could do for the next couple of days.  There was a party with one of her friends from the American Embassy that we could attend that night, it sounded good so we decided great idea to attend.  It was also our first bit of alcohol since leaving Singapore and it was served in buckets.  It was a marine that had been posted to the Embassy and was now on his way back to the United States for re assignment.  It was basically his farewell party.  At the party we met various nationalities and everyone proceeded to drink an alcoholic concoction that was in a bucket with ice and straws.  I kind of held back from the concoction preferring water, considering that I really did not bring anything to the party.  At the party I was able to talk to a guy that was of Russian descent, he was nice and a computer engineer that had established his own company in Thailand.  He was enjoying the alcoholic concoction out of the bucket immensely and loved to talk about his days in Russia as a child.  He left Russia when he left school to study at university in the United States, worked there for a while and now had established his own company in Thailand.  Things were looking up for him.  Of the other people at the party, there was mainly Embassy staffs that were getting very drunk.  We left about midnight as we still had to be able to get the transport back to the cheap hotel we were staying in.  The next day our friend took us to her apartment.  It was small but very nice with an outlook over Bangkok.  We didn’t get to meet her husband as he was working but she did take us to the Arabic part of Bangkok for lunch.  It was a small café area full of Arabic cafes and shisha.  We were able to meet up with a couple of her other girl friends that she would regularly go out with in Bangkok.  They were either married living the life of an Expatriate wife or were single professionals in their own right.  It was a nice lunch but one that we had to leave early as the previous night we suddenly decided to head up to Chang Rai, to see the Golden Triangle.  Our friend had informed us that she was surprised that we stayed in Hat Yai as her husband had informed her that their Embassy staffs that were warned not to enter that area and the restriction had been in place for a while.  I guess that had been the reasoning for the tight security on the train from the Thai-Malay border to Hat Yai and why our movements in Hat Yai were restricted.

The train to Chang Rai was a day trip, which would take up most of the day.  It was the first time that we actually received a meal on a train.  Unfortunately I could not eat it as it was a meat dish so handed mine to my Columbian friend to devour.  On our arrival to Chang Rai we booked into a very cheap hostel and enquired at the check-in about the various tours that they operated to the Golden Triangle.  They also informed us about an elephant tour that they had which also incorporated a swim in one of the springs.  We booked both trips.  Unfortunately the next day when we were to go on the Elephant tour I was unable to attend, as I was feeling quite ill from the previous days ride on the train.  I think my body had gotten so used to lying down on the train that travelling for a good part of the day on a train in a seated position confused my stomach.   I informed my Columbian friend that he should still attend the tour and I would catch up with him in the evening when he returned.  He went and had a ball but brought back an elephant poo framed photograph of himself on an elephant.  It was very nice but I knew that that photo frame was not going to make it past customs in Australia. 

The following day I was feeling a lot better and went on the bus tour to the Golden Triangle area.  Before we went there we were taken on a tour of a traditional highlands village where the huts were set on stumps off of the ground and the ladies were showing and peddling their very colourful and well-made handicrafts.  We were also taken to the border of Myanmar and Thailand where some of the tour participants crossed the border for the Myanmar stamp. We were encouraged not to partake so did not.   Next it was lunch at an open-air restaurant for some rice and seafood.  Strange to be having seafood considering we were so far inland but that was the meal and then off to the Golden Triangle.  The tour did not resemble what we had booked but we just went along with it.  We did finally get to the Mekong River and the Golden Triangle where we finally took some photographs of ourselves.   The Mekong river flows from the Tibetan Plateau of China’s Yunan Province forming part of the border between Myanmar and Laos and Laos and Thailand before entering Cambodia and spreading to the rich agricultural region of the Mekong Delta in Vietnam and finally the South China Sea.  For Laos, Myanmar and Thailand it is known as the Khong, Mother of all Waters and finally we were at the mother and she was amazing.  We did a very short trip in a fast boat across to the Laos side of the river to visit a local market.  The market predominately had bottles filled with local whiskey and each had either a scorpian or snake in the bottle for a bit of extra taste or authenticity.  There was no way those bottles were making it back to Australia and there was no way we were actually going to buy a bottle to try but it was interesting to see.  But it did spur us on to want to see Laos as we both felt that it was more than a bottle of snake or scorpian whiskey in the golden triangle. 

On returning to the hostel we enquired about trips to Laos.  They directed us down the road to a travel agent.  There we were able to book a slow boat ticket to Luang Prabang, the UNESCO World Heritage town.  From there we would find a way to get to Vientiane, Laos’s capital and decide whether we go onto Cambodia or travel back to Thailand crossing the Thai Lao Friendship Bridge.  But to embark the slow boat we would have to move to a small Thai village on the Mekong river.  The name unknown, but yet again we were being very trusting as we were the only westerners in the transport that took us to the village and it took a good four hours before other westerners started to arrive for the trip.  We had been dropped off at another hostel where we were to stay for the night before boarding the slow boat the next day.  The hostel by evening was full of westerners destined for the slow boat and Laos and there was a lot of whiskey drunk by many.  As we were on a budget, it did not matter how cheap the whiskey was, we weren’t touching it.  But it was a very entertaining night with members of the group showing late into the evening their musical expertise.  By morning there were a few sore heads but luckily it was just a short walk down the hill to the slow boat.  And the slow boat just looked like an oversized canoe with a small out board motor attached to the back.  It sounded like one of those old Putt Putt boats that I remembered from my childhood holidays at Noosaville and we were to travel for the next two days in a very noisy (noise being from our boat) but picturesque environment.  There was only a canopy over the bunk seating on the boat.  There was room for about thirty passengers and it was full.  The first day was very slow and for the good part of the morning very quiet.  Many were nursing sore heads. As for us we were admiring the scenery both in the boat with humour and out side the boat with Awe.   Both sides of the river remained very untouched maintaining a natural beauty even though it has been the main source of transport in the region for many generations.  By about lunchtime the boat seemed to awaken and voices started to become very loud.  There were no restrictions with regards to alcohol on the boat and quite a few of the passengers had taken to having a liquid lunch.  As for us, we had a couple of rolls that were left over from breakfast.   The liquid lunches seemed to go on for most of the afternoon and the voices seemed to become louder and louder but in a controlled kind of manner.

Early evening we pulled up at a small village that was located on what appeared to be a cliff as it was a long walk up a road that had very few winding parts to the various accommodation houses.  They each varied in prices but we managed to gain a twin room for twelve dollars and the meal that night was not too much more but the view that the restaurant had over the Mekong and over Thailand was quite spectacular looking directly out but if we were to look north it was only glimpses of both Thailand and Laos as the view was obstructed by a very large Marijuana tree.  We were in backpacker heaven and those that enjoyed the liquid lunch no doubt enjoyed indulging in a few smokes that night.  Something we avoided but did choose to find out a price for.  Just as a comparison to the prices in Australia and Columbia for my good Columbian friend that had had a history trying drugs in his younger years (he was twenty-six). 

The next morning we bordered the slow boat again for the long trip to Luang Prabang.  We were early onto the boat, and whilst we waited for the other passengers some young Laos Army Officers bordered the boat and sat down for a while.  They spoke to the local crew and then left the boat.   My Columbian friend and I were both very happy that we only had our photos taken with the large Marijuana plant that was growing next to the restaurant that we were dining in.  It was a quieter trip than the previous day and the planned liquid lunch this day seemed to have been forgotten about as many continued to sleep.  On arrival in Luang Prabang, we were presented with a very beautiful village that still reflected the French influence of its past.   In the markets, French bread is sold accompanied by fresh cheese, tomatoes and cucumbers, many villagers would ride bicycles, and many children would have beautiful smiles on their faces.  The hotel we stayed at was a bit of a splurge, very luxurious and very boutique Asian in its style.  There was a guest veranda area on the roof where we would gather food from the markets and take back to eat.  During this time as my good Columbian friend had tried the Durian fruit in Singapore, although only in ice cream form, it was time to introduce him to the unique South East Asian fruits that were being sold in abundance at the markets.  It was a true tourist village that placed a lot of emphasis on authenticity, relaxation and cultural enlightenment through the food and the people.  There were a few Buddhist temples and monasteries that we visited before deciding that with the time we had left it was probably better for us to head back to Thailand then to continue on to Cambodia.   Buying tickets for the bus for Vientiane was easy to purchase and quite cheap.  It was going to take us a good part of the day to get there and we would be arriving at night with no accommodation booked.  No problem this was an adventure and I felt we would probably have a local taxi driver waiting to assist when we arrived.

It was only two nights that we spent in Luang Prabang, But they were two magical nights, and still it was twin beds but showering, one had to leave the room as it was an open shower and after what we had since experienced we still weren’t that close.  The bus was quite old that took us to Vientiane and we were the only tourists on it.  Most tourists would continue down the Mekong River to Vientiane, for some reason, we thought an inland trip would be interesting, and it was!  It reminded me of the trip from Kathmandu, Nepal to Darjeeling, India that I completed in 1992.  The roads were thin but winded around the sides of cliffs, except in Laos there were villages almost built on the roads which the bus driver had to negotiate to pass without hitting any children or chickens, both of which were abundant.  All along the route he would stop to pick up passengers and the bus only ever had variations of fullness, the majority of seats always had a local seated in it plus us, a Columbian and Australian.  Along the way the bus driver did stop for lunch, it was at a small and smelly stall.  I decided to grab a bottle of water whilst my good friend decided to grab a can of coke.  By the time we reached Vientiane we were pretty hungry, and found a small café to grab some local Laos dishes.  It was nice and quite expensive for what we had come accustomed to paying so decided that we needed to find some really cheap accommodation.  And we did, we found a hostel that had rooms for only four dollars a night, and the rooms with the accompanying bathrooms were worth every bit of their four dollars.  The road out the front was being relayed as what appeared to be every road in Vientiane in a massive reconstruction programme and the water was on and off intermittently.  There was no indication when it was going to be on or when it was going to be off, so it was a guess if you could have a shower and if it was going to be cold or hot water or whether you were lucky and it was both.  

In the 24 hour period that we stayed there we did both eventually have the opportunity to have a warm shower.  Similar to Luang Prabang, the architecture of Vientiane had a French influence, which was being maintained in their street reconstruction programme. But it was only a twenty four hour stay in Vientiane before we were able to find the bus to take us across the Thai Laos Friendship Bridge to Thailand.  Fortunate for us we were on an Australian and United States passport respectfully, so had a multi entry visa for Thailand.  Some of our European friends that we met on the slow boat would have to apply for a second visa for Thailand as they had only a one entry/exit visa.  The real issue, it cost those more but they reduced the pain of the cost through their whiskey.  The bus taking us to the Thai Laos Friendship Bridge was a lot better than the bus that brought us from Luang Prabang to Vientiane but fell short of the luxury coach that was to take us from the Thai Laos Friendship Bridge to Bangkok.  At the bridge the transfer through Laos’s immigration and customs to Thai immigration and customs was uneventful.

It was not until after the long ride from the border to Bangkok that my Columbian friend and I decided it was time to take a few days apart before travelling back to Australia.  I left him at the bus station and gave him some money as his credit card was not working.  He decided that he was going to go and stay with our Iraqi friend for a couple of days.  We had three days before we had to fly back to Australia.  I decided that it was time for me to travel across to Kota Kinabalu in Sabah, Malaysia.  I checked into a very nice hotel that was located on a beach and proceeded to see the UNESCO World Heritage Kinabalu National Park.  It was noted as a UNESCO site for its size and diversity as it contains over 4500 species of flora and fauna.  My guide for the tour would show some of the most amazing plants that were being studied for their medicinal qualities based on historical uses.  I also had the opportunity to hold on my little finger a white orchid, which is the smallest orchid in the world and one that is very popular on the black market.  I never actually asked for a guide, he was a local that just started to walk pointing things out to me as we walked.  He spoke very well and was obviously very well educated and enjoyed being able to share his local knowledge.   The rest of the time in Kota Kinabalu was spent relaxing by the pool, the room was expensive, but I needed a break away to refocus on the issues that were pulling me apart back in Australia.  How to get myself back into my daughter’s life as her mother?  I was swimming; I felt I now had a very good insight of South East Asia and the issues they faced as well as the issues faced by the tourists that travelled off the beaten path.  As for my Columbian friend and Iraqi friend back in Bangkok, I am sure that they were experiencing the diverse nightlife that Bangkok had to offer. 

It was now the 10 May 2007 and our adventure through South East Asia was about to come to a close.  After meeting up with my Columbian friend at the international airport in Bangkok to get our tickets there appeared to be a problem with his booking, or a problem with his visa or a problem with his passport.  I was not too sure but decided to go through to the lounge so that I could do some shopping before heading back to Australia.  We had both arrived early for the flight and he still didn’t seem to be coming through so I went back out to ticketing to see how he was going.  It seemed that the issue was cleared and he had just been issued his ticket.  I am not sure what I would have done if I had travelled back to Australia without him in tow as I had my father picking us up at the other end providing both of us a lift from Brisbane airport to the Gold Coast.   I maintained my accommodation on the Gold Coast whilst I sorted out what I was actually going to do with regards to employment now that I was out of Defence and basically finished my Masters degree.  It wasn’t until September 2007 during the ASEAN conference held in Sydney that I decided that perhaps I should try the Middle East for work.  At the time I was unaware that they would be holding in Abu Dhabi a seminar about Nuclear Energy for the Middle East whilst I was there.  Uncanny really considering that that was the bulk of my studies at Bond University.  I had studied Islam and I had looked at nuclear security focusing on political and economical, and as I had never been there with Defence and seeing my plans for being with my daughter was becoming more difficult, especially with no career structure in place, it just seemed appropriate.  Yes my husband was lucky I bought him a business, it meant he did look a lot better than me on paper for being the primary carer of my daughter.

I headed to Dubai, The United Arab Emirates via both Singapore and Bangkok Thailand.  I arrived in Singapore on the 16 September 2007 to a warm day.  I had accommodation booked for two days and was hoping to stay with a friend for the remainder of the four nights that I was staying there.  Unfortunately for me his work commitments took him to Malaysia at the time so I had to make alternative arrangements.  I ended up staying in a nice clean two star hotel that was located off the main tourist beaten track.  The area ended up being an Islamic area of Singapore made up predominately of Malaysians.  For the next couple of days I would venture through the open-air markets, which were a long cry from the luxury shopping associated with Orchid Avenue and Singapore.  I managed to buy a headscarf and a long unflattering dress from the markets for my travels to the Middle East.  I was unaware at the time how western Dubai, Egypt, Oman and even Jordan and Syria really were.  I had just assumed that there would probably be a necessity for me to wear the headscarf at some stage but this was never to be the case.  There are Western women who wore the Abya one day and then very liberal western clothing the next, choosing their own level of exposure on a daily basis.  I had chosen a wardrobe of conservative clothing, as not to bring attention to myself and basically for sun protection.  The dress and headscarf were just extra preparation.  The few days that I ended up spending in Singapore went by very quickly; I was able to consider it as an introduction to the Islamic culture of Asia and a comparison to the Islamic culture of the Middle East. 

My couple of days in Bangkok were to allow me to catch up with another friend, the Russian I met at the American marine’s party on my previous travels through South East Asia with my Columbian friend.  Unfortunately he was dragged away from the area so I ended up just staying in the hotel, which was very nice.  Days were spent applying for positions in Dubai on the internet, going to the gym and relaxing by the pool reading.  Nights were spent in my room catching up on the news or a good documentary.  One night I did go up to the Asian restaurant on the roof-top where I was the only diner besides one couple and a group of high ranking Thai military Officers.  I felt a bit strange as the last time I was in this situation was when I was instructing on the Defence Intelligence Research and Analysis course in Thailand.  During the course we would be required to dine with the high-ranking Officers as a part of the good will shown by Australia in conducting the courses.  Fortunately or unfortunately for me this time I was not apart of their party.  When we were, we didn’t have to pay for the meals.  I now had an expensive meal I had to pay for because I just wanted to see the lights of Bangkok from the restaurant on the roof at the same time and in the same place as high ranking Thai military Officers were dining in their uniforms.

I departed Bangkok on the 25 September 2007 for Dubai, United Arab Emirates.  I already had a booking for the first five days at the Arabian Courtyard Hotel Dubai so knew that things should not be too difficult on arrival.  It was a slow flight as I was anxious to arrive, it was something that I had been looking forward to for some time.  The plane was full of young Asian girls all wearing headscarfs.  They looked like they were moving to the Middle East to take up domestic help positions as expatriate workers.  Each had the face of innocence and a look of excitement.  They each seemed to have their little groups of three or four friends as if they had been prior introduced or had been friends for a significant period of time.  The remainder of the flight were western families that appeared to be returning to somewhere after an Asian holiday in the sun.  Whether it is to Europe with a quick stop over in Dubai or whether it be as returning to Dubai I was not sure, but they seemed to have tiredness in their faces.  As for me, I felt as though I was just awakening.  I had a journey ahead of me, I was unsure where it would take me but I knew it was a journey where I had to keep my head up.

On arrival at Dubai, exiting the airport and a quick money change were easy.  The taxis were lined up and waiting for the multitude of passengers that would be disembarking in Dubai for either a short or a long stay.   The taxi driver took me straight to my hotel as it was early evening and I really just wanted to put my bags down and go for a walk.  The hotel, the Arabian Courtyard was located next to the creek and silk souk markets.  My room in the hotel overlooked the maritime museum to the Dubai creek.  To the right were the Emirates government administration buildings and further to the right of the hotel were the Saudi Arabian Embassy and United Kingdom Embassy each of Arabian architecture.   It was the older part of Dubai and in some respects for me the more beautiful part of Dubai.  I was later to learn that the Australian Consulate was only a few blocks back from my hotel. After the routine check-in and the taking of the refreshing fruit juice and dates I proceeded to the room and waited anxiously for the porter to bring my bags.  The tip I gave him was quite small considering I was not used to tipping.  The hotel and the rooms were of Arabian Architecture and furnished with wood carved furnishings.  The chairs were quite heavy to move but the carvings were exquisite.  It finally felt like I was in Arabia, the Arabia I had imagined.  After receiving my bags I went for a walk outside.  It was only early evening for Dubai, and there were still a lot of people on the streets.  There were few westerners and those that I did see in this area dressed conservatively. 

After a short walk down to the creek and along the creek front walking the maze of the silk souk I returned for one of the most comfortable sleeps I had experienced in a long time. 

The following day was a lazy morning reading the local newspaper over breakfast, a traditional fresh Arabic breakfast of which I had fallen in love with.  The paper gave me a good stead in gaining an appreciation of the local environment and what I would probably need to consider for gaining employment. But first I really just wanted to experience the culture and see the environment.  That after noon I bought a ticket for the hop on hop off bus tour.  It was Ramadan but they were allowing westerners to eat in the hotels during the day out of sight of the locals and with the restaurants.  Some were open in the malls if they could curtain off the eating areas for Westerners to eat.  The hop on hop off double-decker British style buses offered water to their patrons to drink through the day as a means of gaining some refreshment from the heat.  But it was only to be drunk inside the bus and not on the roof.  The first day I was able to see the Mall of the Emirates, including its own special ski field, a variety of other shopping malls and Jumeirah Beach.  I had the opportunity to put my feet in the sea at Jumeirah Beach, it was an amazing feeling, and the first time I had touched the water of the Arabian Gulf or Persian Gulf.  That name dependent on which side of the Gulf you preside.

The following day was a morning at the Dubai museum and a walk around to the summer home of the late Sheikh Rashid bin Saeed Al-Maktoum.  The home had been turned into a museum with one of the rooms holding the various forms of money that had been used over the years to facilitate the trading between the different sea merchants that would stop there.  The most amazing form of coin was one that was in the shape of a hairpin that had been noted as the earliest form of money.  The area surrounding the house was a historical fishing village.  The next building I just happened to walk into seemed to be some sort of falcon training school.  The door was open so I walked in.  Inside there was no one but three falcons and me.  The setting of the room was of a simulated campsite in the desert and the falcons were each in a separate corner with their eyes covered by a mask.  Initially I though that the falcons were not real but just a display until when I was only five meters away from the first one it turned its head towards me.  It made no further movement and did not make any noise it just looked with its ears.  It was amazing to see that considering that the animals go through sensory deprivation, loss of sight by the wearing of the mask over their eyes, their condition seemed very well.  I was not sure if I was suppose to go in the room but I was glad that I did, they were beautiful birds and seeing them up close and the good condition they were maintained in gave me a new found respect for the sport of falconry.

The following day I decided to set out on a Sun Downer Dune Dinner Safari.  I had been living on just breakfast up to date and water in between.  I was still maintaining a tough regime at the gym and was starting to get into the internet to place my name with the various recruitment agencies within Dubai and the wider Middle East.  It was one of the most enjoyable nights I had experienced in all of my travels.  To be able to experience the expertise of the drivers in the four wheel drives through the sand dunes, to be able to ride on a camel out on the desert as the sun is setting, eat from a traditional feast of grilled meats and fresh salads, well just salads for me as I am after all a vegetarian. To finish with Arabic sweets, mint tea and shisha made it a very memorable night indeed.  After a week of no joy in my applications, I decided to break with my routine and take some time by the hotel pool.  There I was to meet a young chap of Portuguese and Australian origin. I had only seen the tourist and historical sites of Dubai, that night he decided to show me the nightlife of Dubai by taking me to a bar at the top of a very impressive hotel.  Apparently it was his local, and he knew the cocktail list quite well and was more than willing to offer me anything from the list and more.  That night I did go back to his room, we were staying in the same hotel and yes it was a very impressive night of horizontal dancing that did last all of the night and did move the bed.  I am unsure what the guests would have heard below the room.  The following day he asked me for my resume and told me that he would see what he could do for me.  Within 48 hours and two more sessions of horizontal dancing, I had been introduced to a Libyan doctor that had been living and working in Dubai for approximately five years and was doing quite well with his own business.  He offered to show me around and see what he could do with introducing me to various companies for gaining employment.

The first company that he was to introduce me to was an Iranian group that was operating in commercial real-estate, they took my resume, were impressed and were keen to employ me but at the time did not really have a position vacant so offered to take my resume for their file.   The building that their company was located in was on Sheik Zayed road and was a very impressive and very tall building.  There were a couple of other people that the Libyan doctor introduced me to, people involved in setting up commercial developments in Dubai as well as India and Thailand.  He also took me around to a few dinners to introduce me to other businessmen in the area that could possibly assist with work.  But everything seemed to have a slow pace and my good Portuguese Australian had left for London on a business trip.  I organised a five-day tour to Egypt.  After reading about and hearing about the pyramids all my life I was about to finally see them, the people and experience the culture.  The tour was a package tour that I booked online and I had booked a tour for each day.  With Egypt, tours for the naive tourist really had to be pre booked and cleared by the local government.   Tourists are given a lot of protection in Egypt.  They have a specific arm of their police force designated to Tourism, referred to as the Tourist Police.  They escort all buses to and from the sites and the hotels in Egypt.  For me, the package I booked was for a group tour to see the Pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx, the ancient royal city of Memphis, Egyptian Museum, Citadel, Mosque and Bazaar lunch, Day tour of Alexandria and Day tour to the Suez Canal.  I allowed one day spare and most nights I had planned to just look at various bazaars or street sights around the hotel that I had booked.  I did have one night booked for a dinner cruise on the Nile.  I figured that as a lot of the people I had met to date since studying my Islamic Studies and International Relations and the current visit to Egypt, were either from Egypt or had travelled to Egypt, it was time to see it. 

Egypt was breathtaking.  Landing in Cairo, I was collected at the airport by two young Egyptian gentlemen that collected my bags and walked me through the long lines at their customs and immigration checks.  It was an old airport and very busy, I doubt that if the two Egyptian gentlemen were not there that I would have made it out of the airport in the fifteen minutes that they achieved, it probably would have been at least an hour and a half.  On the way from the airport they informed me that they were with the tour company that I had booked with and that after checking me into the hotel they would arrive tomorrow morning to pick me up for the first tour.  It was also at this point I was informed that I should not venture outside the hotel on my own as it was too dangerous and I could be picked up by either criminals or the tourist police.  At this point, I was starting to wonder what I had actually booked in Egypt as I thought that I had booked onto the group tours, it suddenly became very apparent to me that I was going to be receiving a very personal tour of Egypt.  Neither of the gentlemen made a move that was inappropriate and the one that was doing all the talking and none of the driving at the hotel walked me into the reception and checked me into the hotel.  He then proceeded to direct the staff to take the bags from the car to the room.  After that he again informed me the time that they would be in the foyer to pick me up and that it would be preferred if I could be on time as it takes some coordination.  The drive to the hotel, reminded me a bit of driving in Singapore, organised, just more cars, more smoke and older buildings.

The hotel was set out more as an inland Oasis resort.  It had three restaurants, a pool one that of a night I was to become very familiar with, as it was also a shisha café.  The gym was small but well equipped another place that was to become my nightly ritual after the daily tours.  As I was staying for five days before returning to Dubai and pretty much restricted to the hotel, the first night I spent in the room ironing and preparing for the week.  After completion I decided to go to the gym to see its operating hours and generally just stretch my legs around the complex.  It was a beautiful night and the stars in the sky were very clear from this hotel and this region.

The next morning, after rising early to a wonderful Arabic breakfast, as requested I was waiting in the foyer at the time it was requested the previous evening.  The gentleman that walked towards me was not the same as the young Egyptian that checked me in the previous evening.   It was an older Egyptian gentleman, who introduced himself as my guide for the week.  The driver was also new but another young Egyptian that was very tall. 

OK lets go!

The first tour was to the Pyramids of Giza, the Sphinx and a Bazaar in the afternoon.  But before we could actually leave the hotel we had to wait for the bus to be loaded with tourists, I was going in a car that would follow the bus as it would then be within the tourism polices protection to the sites.  I actually thought that I had paid for a group tour, and the closest I actually got to a group tour was by following a bus of tourist. Once the bus took off we were finally able to take off, I ended up siting in the car waiting for only ten minutes as the bus was pretty well loaded before I was walked out to the car.  Once on our way the roads seemed to be more congested than that from the previous night from the airport to the hotel, yet we never seemed to be stopped in traffic for more than five minutes, the buses and we just kept moving, it was very impressive traffic movement. 

At the Pyramids, it was weird, you see these amazing structures that are represented in history books everywhere and are referred to regularly through our studies as children, but there is never any indication given as to how close the pyramids are to the city of Cairo.  They are literally next door to a suburb of Cairo with all the traffic, the smells, the dust and the market noise.  But they still stand high and proud above the streets.  No high rises have been built near them, a commendation to the Egyptians in the preservation of their history. 

My tour guide, really was my personal tour guide he walked with me everywhere, pointing out important features arranging for me to buy an over priced disposable camera as I did not have a camera, for him to take photos of me, organising a tour inside one of the pyramids, a ride on a camel and a tour of the depths of the Sphinx.  The tour took a good part of the morning and on completion I was taken across to the tourist stores next to the pyramids to try some therapeutic oils and Arabic perfumes.  The oils were amazing as were the glass Arabic perfume bottles.  I was seated in the most comfortable chair in a beautifully presented store, offered refreshing mint tea whilst I smelt and had explained to me the origins of or the therapeutic values of the oils and perfumes.  I ended up buying a couple of bottles and was given as gifts a couple of oils that were of therapeutic value.  It was an amazing experience.

After the pyramids, sphinx and perfumes it was time for lunch.  We were no longer in the convoy with the bus but drove to a restaurant that had been set up for a tourist group booking lunch.  We had our table, my tall good looking Egyptian driver, my older Egyptian tourist guide and I whilst on the table behind us there was a mix group of what appeared to be Arab tourists.  It was good as I was able to learn a lot about the life in Egypt through seeing the various interactions and the conversation and later conversations I would have over meals or in transit with my Egyptian driver and guide.  Lunch was Arab salads for me whilst my too companions ate what appeared to be barbequed meats with the salads and flat bread.  That afternoon we ventured into the bazaar area and were able to sit outside a Mosque that had large folded umbrellas out the front in the open square.  Whilst I was there, we decided to sit  at an open café and have shisha and mint tea, allowing me to observe the relaxed lifestyle of the many people around me.  At the time the umbrellas were folded and looked like two large missiles pointing up ready into the sky.  To see them open would have been a sight but unfortunately for me it was I sight I would not see. 

After the tea and the shisha it was back to the car for the transit back to the hotel, I requested if we could go past a five star hotel where I could get access to the internet to print off my coupons for the remainder of my tours as well as the one today.  They had asked me in the morning for the coupon but at the time I was unaware of the requirement to hand it over and the hotel I was staying at did not have a business center for access by the tourists.  They took me to the business center of the Four Seasons Cairo on the Nile Corniche, the business center was easy to find and as with every other part of my day, my older Egyptian tour guide was by my side all the way to the computer.  Whilst I was there I managed to print off all the tour coupons and spent a bit of time just clearing all the emails, still no job opportunities.  It must have been a good day for the Four Seasons Cairo on the Nile Corniche as the internet access and printout at their business center ended up being free for me.  Perhaps my tour guide was efficient as it was for him that I had to print out the coupons. 

On the drive back to my oasis hotel that now I knew was located near the pyramids, my tour guide suggested that I go back to the pyramids tonight to see the Pyramids Sound and Light show.  I had nothing else to do and after all when was I likely to be back to visit the pyramids.  I agreed that that would be a good idea, and he quickly informed me when my transport would arrive at the hotel to pick me up.  Now that was efficiency!  I basically had two hours when I returned to the hotel to go to the gym, relax and change ready for my transport to the Pyramids Sound and Light show.  The tour guide was the same young tour guide I had on the first night but a different driver to the pyramids.  This time they left me at the gate after buying my ticket with my money, and told me that this was the position they would pick me up from on completion of the show.  Ummn Ok.  At the gate were armed guards and there were very few that made it passed them, inside there was seating laid out in front of the Sphinx and the three Pyramids of Giza.  As there was only one of me, and this was an experience that I wanted to feel, I preceded to the front row of the seating.  Unfortunately the whole of the front row was reserved, but there were seats still available in the second row, and middle second row, allowing me to look directly at the Sphinx.  I did not have long to wait and the seats behind me filled quite quickly.  Actually all the seats filled quite quickly, I think I was very lucky to get my ticket.  The show itself was mesmerising, lasers imaging a story about the pyramids and biblical times with the Sphinx and Pyramids themselves providing the back screens to the lasers.  The show took a couple of hours and was mesmerising.  On completion, I may have been in the second front row but I did manage to be one of the first ones to exit the grounds.  And as my guide had stated, he was at the gate in the very position he left me waiting for my return to escort me back to the transport.  The drive back to my oasis hotel was quiet and I was informed at what time I had to be ready in the morning for the following day’s tour. 

The morning was early, the breakfast was good, and my old tour guide was punctual in reception as expected.  It was time to visit the Egyptian Museum, and old area of Cairo to visit the Coptic Hanging Church that was built atop ancient Roman structures, the Church of Saint Sergius with ties to the holy family and complete my first mosque tour, the Mohamed Ali Mosque.   The Egyptian Museum tour was quick in comparison to how long I would have loved to have spent in there.  My tour guide took me around quite quickly, showing me specific pieces that he was quite knowledgeable about, seeing the mummies, the carvings, the gold, the jewels, the artefacts of scientific nature and a boomerang.  A boomerang on the wall that was not decorated in the same way as those in Australia but was made out of wood decorated and shaped the very same way.  At the Coptic hanging church and the Church of Saint Sergius, the structures were amazing for their age, as was the story about Mary and Josephs visit on their path through Africa.  The Roman ruins below and around the structures were still in very good shape and the Mosque that had been opened for public viewing was interesting to see.  The only requirements to go inside was for me to be covered in a green rob with a hood that is usually handed out to all tourists that entered the building.  My tour guide was very informative and made a point of pointing out details on some of the artefacts that were in the Coptic hanging Church and the Roman Ruins. 

That evening I had a Nile dinner cruise booked so it was back to the oasis hotel for a quick change before heading back to the Nile to meet my boat.  The tour guide and driver left and when I was ready, a different guide and driver met me, both young, both Egyptians.  The drive took about twenty minutes to the Boat on the Nile.  Similar to the Pyramids Laser and Sound show I was shown an area where they would be waiting to meet me on completion of the dinner cruise.  There was a short wait whilst the other guests arrived but I was able to go to the roof to have a welcome drink.  The dinner cruise was a lot of couples, family groups and me at my own table.  It was something that I was becoming accustomed to on my travels.  If staff wasn’t talking to me then I really wasn’t talking to too many people besides the normal greetings.  But it did end up being very entertaining dinners cruise with belly dancers and traditional Arabic music.  I did not take part in the dancing but chose to go outside on completion of the dinner to see the sights of Cairo at night from the Nile, and it was beautiful.  As expected on completion my tour guide was where he said was going to wait for me and it was back to the oasis hotel.

The next morning, I was off for a tour of Alexandria, The older tour guide and driver were quite punctual.  I am not sure what I enjoyed more, the drive through the picturesque country side or the visit to the seaside of Alexandria.  In Alexandria the first place was the ancient Catacombs of Kom E-Shouqafa, they were a very interesting maze under the ground.   Next it was to the very impressive and very modern Alexandria Library, for a tour inside of the wonderfully architecturally designed building.  After this it was to the Qaitbay Fort, a magnificent structure built on the waters edge.  After the sightseeing it was lunch at seafood restaurant overlooking the Qaitbay fort then back to Cairo.  That night was spent at the restaurant by the pool, not really eating, not really drinking just reflecting on the day’s activities.

The following day it was a drive to the Suez Canal which was exciting for me, it was an important piece of maritime history and still of high maritime importance and I was about to go across it to stand in the Sinai desert.  This time it was the driver that came in to pick me up, my older tour guide was nowhere to be seen.  The driver informed me that we would be picking him up along the way.  And we did, we picked him up right in front of the Egyptian Police Academy.  He lived just near it apparently.  On the drive to the Suez Canal we passed many old housing areas where the houses were made out of mud bricks.  Some of the houses would be four or five stories high.  Poorer families would build up a level themselves as their families would expand or as their children married and needed a place to live.  We also passed many new developments with quite large houses being built in residential estates.  These were for wealthier families within Cairo to move out to freeing up their housing in the city for future developments.  It was a city that was large but still on a great growth and modernisation program.  Once at the Suez Canal we were to cross by barge, this was the moment I had been waiting for.  Before we could cross there was a large dry cargo ship transiting the canal?  On the barge that we were to embark on there was a little boy aged about five that had a toy gun shooting at everyone on the barge.  It was amazing to see and a bit daunting.  We had travelled out of Cairo in a bus police convoy to get to the Suez Canal, so there was a lot of security given to tourists yet small children could freely walk amongst tourists with toy guns.  It was innocence that could be exploited.  My older tour guide did not comment, just looked at me with a knowing face.  The Sinai desert was barren.  There was nothing and even the road we were travelling along was starting to disappear below the sand.  Before we totally lost the road I was able to hop out of the car and walk in the desert.  Your feet just sunk in the sand that was starting to heat up under the morning sun.  The drive back to the Suez Canal, we detoured to the old Israeli bunker system that was used by the Israeli’s before being beaten and lost to the Egyptians.  The Egyptians set it up as a museum site and I was about to get a very personal private tour.  It was a series of bunkers lined up that housed their Command against the approaching Egyptian forces.  Within the museum they showed some of the defensive weaponry, communications and command and control structure that the Egyptians had worked out that the Israeli’s had used for their defence.  It was amazing site and they had kept some of the systems operational to show how they actually worked.

The crossing of the Suez Canal was slow as the traffic of large container vessels had increased significantly; our little barge had to wait for the appropriate time.  The drive back was uneventful with one stop for lunch along the way where I would discuss what I had seen with my older tour guide and the driver.  The older tour guide didn’t hop out at the same place where we picked him up, the Egyptian Police Academy but came through to my oasis hotel.  That night was to be a night in at the hotel where the older guide advised me that I should spend the next day by the pool at the hotel before departing the following day.  I agreed at the time but my plans changed as I walked through the door of the hotel. 

I saw the concierge to see if there were any cars available to go shopping tomorrow.  He seemed to get excited and all of a sudden I had a full day booked for I was not sure what.  A driver met me in the foyer after breakfast.  It was a new driver and a new car.  We started to drive some distance from the hotel and ended up the top of a mountain area where the Sultan Hassan Mosque was located.  It was a very grand Mosque that was quite impressive and very popular with tourists.   Inside there was no requirement to cover the head as a female and there were a lot of people just sitting around in the Mosque, admiring the internal features and elaborate ceiling.  Next it was off to another Mosque that was located next to an Egyptian Army base.  It was quite a poor area with a few markets established around the Mosque.  My tour guide escorted me inside, and explained to me the requirements of washing as he did so and the various areas of the Mosque.  I motioned to cover my head with the wrap that I had brought with me but he told me that I did not need to cover my head here.  It was something that I noticed about Egypt that few actually did cover their heads.  We continued to walk in further to the Mosque until we ended up standing next to a couple of gentle men that were positioned at the front of the Mosque.  One had a microphone in his hand, and once we stopped walking and stood beside them, he commenced the Call to Prayer.  It was beautifully sung and I felt honoured and confused as to why I was brought into this Mosque next to the Army base in this poor area of Egypt, and given what can only be described as an honour.  I was humbled.  After hearing the Call to Prayer, we left the Mosque and walked a bit through the markets before going back to the car and heading back to the next place of my surprise tour.   The driver asked me if I was thirsty.  Ummn Yes.  He pulled over at a juice stall and came back to the car with two juices they were white in colour.  He informed me that they were cane juice and very refreshing and popular in Egypt.  For me I had never tried cane juice before even though I came from Bundaberg in Queensland where the main crop was sugar cane.  The closest I had come to it was eating sugar cane from a burnt stalk.  It was very refreshing.  Next I was dropped at a very modern shopping center where I was informed that it had been built by money from the United Arab Emirates.  He left me there for a couple of hours and giving me a place to meet him at the specified time.  It was time for a real cappuccino, and I was not disappointed as with any Western modern shopping center there was an array of chain coffee shops, and Starbucks was the coffee of choice.  After shopping when he returned me to the hotel, it was time for me to pay, the comment was as you like, meaning I had to choose how much I paid for the day’s opportunities.  This is the one thing that I did not like about payment options in the Middle East as it was a common ploy designed to garnish more money out of the tourist as they also had a tendency to make you feel guilty if you did not pay enough.  I think I paid more than enough and he was on his way.  The following day I had my flight back to Dubai and hopefully work.

The two Egyptian guys that picked me up from the airport were there to greet me for my return to the airport and flight.  It was a smooth drive to the airport and assistance was provided through to check-in.  The flight back was smooth and as I was only familiar with one hotel I requested from the taxi to be taken back to the Arabian Courtyard hotel. The next few days I established contact by phone with my Libyan friend but did not really see him.  My Portuguese Australian friend gave me two more contacts to see in Dubai, both Australians that had been working there.  He had referred to one as a Gold Bank and the other was an ex Australian Federal Police officer that had worked for the United Nations and was working there in security.  I had an interview with the ex Australian Federal Police officer, to see what he could recommend for me with regards to employment opportunities, he mentioned at the time that I should also consider applying for positions in Qatar.  He did however take my resume for passing on to some of the security companies that he knew were working in Dubai.  As for the Gold Bank, I saw him over dinner to see what he could do.  He also took my resume and gave me his contact details.  Dinner was fun as there was entertainment provided at the restaurant and he was a fun person to talk to, something I needed at the time because all Dubai was doing for me was costing me.  He did keep in contact and was fun to talk to, jokingly would offer to take me to Lebanon where he had business as well but never followed through.  The following few days I was not receiving any responses and had to check out of the hotel as it was fully booked for one night.  They offered for me to check back in the following night.  The cheapest accommodation that I could organise for the night was an overnight 4WD dinner safari.  The hotel let me leave my big bag at the hotel since I would be checking in the next night and off I went.  It was every much enjoyable as the 4WD dinner safari that I had previously experienced.  However after the dinner, everyone left and I was the only person that was going to be sleeping under the stars that night.  It was me, the stars, the camels and one guy asleep in the 4WD just near the tent I was sleeping in.  I guess I was fortunate that they allowed me to stay being the only person that opted for the overnight adventure. But it was one of the most remarkable nights, it never really got cold and it never really got hot, the sky stayed clear and glistening with stars.  It reminded me of my nights on the deck of a square-rigger I had sailed on; I would sometimes sleep on the deck to enjoy the night sky.  For some reason the night sky when it was clear of clouds and the stars were shining it would bring such clarity to the mind and meaning to the soul.  This night I was able to enjoy it with mint tea and shisha. 

The following night I checked back into the hotel, and decided to see the nightlife for one night.  I never saw the gentleman that slept in the 4WD next to the tent that was my home for the night.   I had not been out of a night in the city of Dubai except for the night with the Portuguese Australian, the night for dinner with the Gold Bank and the two 4WD Safari tours.  I decided to the Le Royal Meridien Resort with its restaurants, bars and hammams, choosing a bar near the beach to mingle. There was quite a big expate crowd there enjoying the music and more importantly the alcohol.  I felt a bit over dressed as I did not have the same amount of skin showing as many of the other girls but I really was not looking to impress anyone.  It was an interesting night I met an ex United States Lieutenant Colonel that worked for a company that built bomb shelters.  There was also an Egyptian that I spoke to at the bar that for some reason I said to him in conversation, watch me.  He questioned my comment and restated, just watch out for me.  The conversation with the ex United States Lieutenant Colonel was interesting but short lived as I started or should I say was dragged side ways and started talking to a local that had his own business in Dubai.  He was very well dressed in a grey suit with a purple tie and white shirt.  He took me back to his villa that he had rented to carry our discussion of issues further.  Can’t really recall what I was discussing with him as I had had a few drinks of alcohol and it had been a long time between drinks.  The villa he shared with three others and as we walked in the Egyptian that I had spoken to earlier requesting that he watch me was sitting in the lounge area watching TV and there was nothing further discussed.  The well dressed local started to kissed me a couple of times and that was it then took me outside to the side of the villa and informed me that there was a car around the back waiting to take me.  I was not aware that I was going anywhere and I was not sure which Arab country he was from I just knew that I was not hopping in the car.  I wasn’t too sure how my country would have felt if I just went missing?!! Considering the effort they went to in creating a story in the last two years that I was psychologically unstable.  From that point he pushed me to the ground and left back to the villa.  I was a bit confused as to what had actually transpired and proceeded to walk back to the hotel entrance through the gardens when I bumped into the ex-United States Lieutenant Colonel.  My response to him was hi and no way not that way.  We parted ways and I went back to my Arabian Courtyard Hotel.  We did stay in contact for sometime whilst I was in the Middle East. 

The next couple of weeks I tried to see as much of Dubai as I could on a very small budget and did not really eat or use taxi’s, my money was mainly for accommodation.  I was still frantically trying to gain employment by applying for anything at this stage to the point that I thought that it would probably be better if I ventured off to see another part of the Middle East or Africa to improve my employability. I was still assisting my Libyan friend.  He would usually pick me up of an evening and take me along to his various business meetings.  It had an added advantage for me, as I could see how business was done in the Middle East and I would also get a free meal out of it.  Normally I would pay but my money was getting quite low.  I attended one meeting in a hotel room with three men that appeared to be of Eastern European or Russian descent. ex Russian Air Force Officer that was arrested in later years in Bangkok for arms trafficking and I believe was extradited to the United States of America.  During the meeting they were discussing possibilities of establishing an airline in Russia, not together but more in opposition.  The meeting was not necessarily friendly but stayed controlled.  At the end of it the one that looked like the ex Russian Air Force Officer that was arrested in Bangkok, said to my Libyan friend you are just going to make her take the blame for it.  I did not understand what he was referring to but my Libyan friend just smiled and we left the apartment.  He proceeded to drop me off back at my hotel.  I decided after the various meetings and my time that I had in Egypt that I would like to go to Tanzania now, I thought the more knowledge I had of the region the better my chances of gaining employment that actually paid.  Besides, I was not really seeing many westerners and was really getting immersed in the culture!  I went to a travel agent to see what the cheapest tour I could find was but unfortunately it could not be booked as it was out of the price range that I had allocated.  Instead I ended up booking a trip to Jordan.  I also had to check out of my hotel in the following couple of days so chose to book into the Radison hotel prior to departing on my trip to Jordan.  I took a break from attending the meetings with my Libyan friend but met a group of British guys that were in Dubai to establish a new business.  They were ex British Army, and seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely.  They invited me up for dinner to one of the restaurants and basically dine with them.  It was another free meal so I joined them.  They were fun to be with but one was driven to spend the night with me and there was nothing I could do to keep him away.  He proceeded to buy me copious glasses of vodka at the bar we went to after dinner, walked me up to my room, walked me into my room, which was a twin and even my thrusting books in front of his face could not keep his hands off of me.  He was married, but that did not seem to bother him he was going to have sex with me and that was it.  I obviously personally let him as I had no bruises.  The next day all but one of those guys left.  The more senior, the ex British Lieutenant Colonel looked concerned and apologetic towards me the next morning that I saw them before they left.  The one that stayed which was also more senior took me that day to meet other friends of theirs in Dubai that could possibly help me with finding work.  The new contacts were good but did not really result in my gaining paid employment, but they gave me other people to talk to.  It seemed finding people that wanted to talk to me was exceptionally easy, finding people that actually wanted to employ me with my receiving financial payment well that was significantly harder.

I left Dubai for Jordan, I had booked a four day package tour with a return flight that could be changed.  On my arrival in Jordan there was no one to meet me and there seemed to be no booked tour.  Great money well spent!!!!  I spoke to one of the gentle men at the arrivals desk to see if they could help me, but they could not.  The only advice he could give me was not to hop in the unmarked taxis.  Whilst he was giving me this advice a very large American soldier had been directed over to the arrivals desk for no apparent reason.  He had a very confused look on his face and he also had a military plane to catch out of Jordan.  We looked at each other with confusion.  I had to tilt my head up significantly as he was quite tall and very well built.  Kind of looked like an American football player but he was not wearing padding, it was all muscle.  After both of us shaking our heads he left very quickly.  I walked out of the airport not sure as to what I was to do next but had a couple of local older gentle men walk towards me.  One was the driver of an unmarked taxi, and said that he would take me where I needed to go for a cheap price.  My response to him was that I needed to go to a cheap hotel so that I could sort out what I was actually going to do and see in Jordan.   

Ok Ok I take you.

And I hoped in his car, the unmarked taxi I was advised not to take by the Jordanian at the arrivals desk.  It was going to be an interesting time. But I was taught to trust! In the car he started the normal chatter of asking where I was from and what did I think about Jordan, what did I want to see.  I replied that I was still deciding what I was actually going to do in Jordan.  He told me that he had a friend that owned a tour business and he could organise a tour for me, perhaps Petra. 

Am I allowed to see Petra?

Yes Yes! We book a tour for you!

So now we were on our way to a tour business in the back streets of Amman.  When there the two elderly gentlemen were very polite and there were tour posters on the walls that seemed to date from the eighties.  They proceeded to book accommodation for me at Petra in a cheap hotel to start the following evening; tonight I would be in Amman.  I paid for the booking and the taxi driver that sat with me during the whole process drove me to our next destination that I thought would be my cheap hotel in Amman.

You not pay for a hotel, you can stay with my family tonight and I can drive you to Petra tomorrow!

No No A cheap hotel is fine!

No better stay with my family, save money!!

At this point I knew that I probably did not have much choice and I was going to be staying with his family. I agreed to it.  So we were on our way to his family’s house instead of a cheap hotel.  On arrival it was a three-storey building, where his family had the apartment down stairs and at the back.  He had a wife, that I was to learn was his second wife, two small children and one baby.  The apartment was very sparse, there was one main room that the family used for living and sleeping together, a small room used as the kitchen, small room used as the bathroom and a third room that was set up as their formal lounge room.  They placed my bags and me in the formal lounge room.  The wife spoke little English and when the taxi driver left to go back to work, the conversation between us was very disjointed but fun.  She was a lovely person.  Her sister in law who could speak English came down to invite her, the children and myself up to the apartment on the first level.  The apartment on the first level was owned by the taxi driver’s mother and she lived there on her own surrounded by her extended family.  The building housed about four different apartments that were filled with the one extended family. From there I was given snacks and tea as well as being introduced to other family members.  There were only a couple of the women that could speak English and they would translate the questions posed to me by the mother and my responses.  After meeting the mother, I was invited to go shopping with the daughters and their children.  I greed and I was now shopping with the extended family of the taxi driver who instead of taking me to a cheap hotel had managed to arrange for a booking for me to go to Petra and a stay with his family.  I assumed that he was planning on driving me to Petra as well.  The shopping experience was interesting, before leaving the apartment the ladies and the older girls covered up with headscarfs, long sleeved and long loose fitting coats.  I asked if I needed to change and they informed me that there was no requirement.  On the streets I was modestly dressed with arms and legs covered in loose fitting clothes but my head was not covered.  I was the only female adult that did not have her head covered with a headscarf and it felt quite strange but the ladies that I was shopping with put me at ease.  My hair was also blonde so I kind of felt as though I really stood out.  They showed me the traditional spices, explaining what they were used for, showed me their favourite shopping center that had rides for the children and the various shops that they liked to enjoy.  It was only a short trip and we were back at the apartments within a couple of hours.  We went back to the mother’s apartment for a short period of time, where they proceeded to show me photos of family relatives, males with guns in their hands but in civilian clothing and I was to meet one of the younger sons of the mother.  I kind of got a little concerned when the son sat next to me and the mother smiled and laughed acknowledging.  It was only a short meet as the wife of the taxi driver took me and her children back to her apartment.  I guess she knew when her husband would be home.

In the apartment she motioned for me to have a shower, and yep I wanted to freshen up.  She brought in a bucket to the shower room and showed me that I needed to stand in the bucket and use the hose that they had set up.  She also showed me how to close and lock the door.  The door was quite interesting; it was a heavy steel door that had a small square sliding peep-hole in it.   I went into the formal lounge room to grab a change of clothes from my bag and took them to the shower room.  I was a bit concerned as to whether I would be locked in the room or whether someone would come to the peep-hole and peer through as I was showering.  Neither occurred and I was grateful.  After my shower, she offered me a tea, which she brought out on a tray.  They only had one good chair in the main room and it was offered to me.  I did not want to sit on it, and was happy to take the floor but was cognisant in my response and motioning to the floor, as I did not want to be offensive to her kind offerings.  She proceeded to wash the children and prepare them for bed.  The taxi driver returned, the two small children were put to sleep and it was only the baby that stayed up with us.  He motioned us to sit in the formal lounge room where he brought in some food that he bought whilst he was out.  He then proceeded to start negotiating a deal for me.

I take you to Petra tomorrow and sleep in my car and bring you back to Amman where you stay with my family for sometime.  No need to pay for my accommodation just for transport there and back.

I couldn’t accept but needed the transport down to Petra, well the transport out of the current situation I seemed to have been placed in.  I still had concerns with the mother’s response when her young son sat next to me.  I was not there for a relationship to just develop.  My response to him was that I would pay for his transport to and back from Petra, giving him double the money I needed to and he could be back tomorrow night to spend it with his family instead of sleeping in the car.  I would find my own transport back from there.  At first he did not seem happy but after a bit of convincing from his wife who seemed to understand what I was saying he agreed.  I suddenly felt safe.  After a bit more idle discussion they left me in the room alone and shut the door behind them.  I think it was late and I was about to go to sleep.  The door was similar to the steel door of the shower room.  It also had a small square sliding peep-hole in it.  It was only at this point that I realised that the room had no windows and I was not sure if I was locked in and did not check the door to find out.   The lock for the door was on their side of the door.  The room reminded me of one of those rooms that you see on videos of people that had been hijacked with a picture of a particular Arab on the wall.   Well I got to see the videos whilst I was at the Defence Intelligence Training Center, whether I liked it or not.  I was starting to feel a bit scarred considering my surrounding and my preconceived ideas but considering the way I had been treated by this family and the conversations I had chose to ignore that feeling of fear.  They were a nice family that gave me a very unique experience.  Their hospitality was exemplary. It was however a long night and I did not really sleep. 

The next morning, the wife looked through the peep-hole and said something to me in Arabic.  I could not understand what she said and she closed the peep-hole but did not open the door.  I had already dressed for the day, considering I could not sleep during the night.  After about ten minutes she came and opened the door.  She had been preparing the young children for school by dressing them and giving them each apiece of flat bread and one cheese wedge.  They left and the taxi driver was nowhere to be seen.  She offered me some food, but I said no.  I couldn’t take the food from the children.  The previous night I didn’t eat either whilst they ate, saying that I was full from the plane.  I just did not want to take food from them when they did not have a lot for themselves or their family.  Instead, she just gave me a tea, which was gratefully received.  The taxi driver returned through the front door after the children left and basically went to collect my bag.  At this point I guessed my fears were just that; only fears as we were now heading to Petra as I had pre-booked.  I said my farewell to the wife and she gave her instructions to her husband, my taxi driver in a very loud and forceful voice.  I was impressed.

The drive to Petra was long but very scenic.  The landscape was completely different to that I had experienced in Egypt or the United Arab Emirates.  The sand was dry and crusted together.  It almost appeared as the skeleton of a desert.  During the drive the taxi driver handed me a business card.  It was the business card of a British security company with an English name on it.  He pointed out with a big smile, that he was his friend.  Oh, Ok was all I could say in response!  For some reason, considering what I had been through in the last couple of days I was not surprised.  On arrival in Petra the taxi driver took me to my hotel.  Once he handed over my bags I paid him the agreed price for the return trip that he would have to do for delivering me.  He suggested again that he was willing to stay and sleep in his car and take me back to stay with his family. But I told him no, he needed to get back to his wife.  I was now in Petra, in a hotel for two nights and not sure how I was going to get back to Amman or to where I would go next.  But I was here to see the 2000-year-old Red Rose city carved out of rose red stones of the wadi Mousa Mountains.  That afternoon as there was not much light left I only made it down to the entrance but was informed by the staff that I should stay for the show which was to be conducted in front of the Treasury.  The show was lit with many burning candles, traditional Arabic music was played with mint tea being served to the various guests.   The reflection of the burning candles on the finely carved rose red stone of the treasury under a clear and starry night made a beautiful backdrop to the traditional Arabic music that was played.  I felt at peace it was the most amazing experience, siting in this ancient city, listening to the sounds of the ancient musical instruments as they echoed through the carved city.  The show lasted for a couple of hours and it was a long and steep walk back up to my hotel.  Dinner that night was the cup of tea at the show. 

In the morning I woke early and headed down for breakfast that I ensured was included in my price of the hotel.  I was famished, as it had been a couple of days now since I had really eaten.  After I consumed a very large portion of the breakfast buffet, it was time to explore the ancient Rose Red stone city of Petra.  The walk down to the entrance was quite steep as was the walk down through the city.  Whilst walking down I noticed that the side of the walls had water canals carved into them.  They had a very good water management system for moving water down through the city by these small canals.  The carved building were amazing and I spent a good part of the morning exploring it before I started talking to a local Jordanian who offered to show me another village similar to this one over a bit.  I agreed to go and we hopped in his car and drove off to another carved city that was off the main tourist track.  It took quite a bit of rough walking and climbing to get to, something I was not prepared for as I was wearing high-heeled boots.  It was interesting to see and again I started to get those same questions enquiring where I was from what did I expect to see and where I was going next.  When I told him I was not sure where I was going to go tomorrow and did not have any plans for tonight, he told me that he would take me out tonight and would organise a trip to Wadi Rum for me then a trip back up to Amman where he could book me into a cheap hotel.  He told me he would be able to give me the price tonight.  I agreed, after all I really had no plans.  He then asked if I wanted to have a Moroccan bath, this then changed to a Moroccan massage.  My response was sure, not too committal but not to turn him away considering I had just been potentially offered a way to get back to Amman.  We walked back to the car drove to a market where he purchased some cooking oil.  We then proceeded to drive out into the desert where we went for a walk with the cooking oil and found a rocky outcrop area where we sat down.  He instructed that I should take my top off which I did.  He then proceeded to pour the cooking oil over my back and start rubbing it in.  I was being massaged in the Jordanian desert with cooking oil.  I had a little bit of concern but was going to give him the benefit of the doubt considering what I had experienced with the taxi driver’s family.  After massaging my back for about fifteen minutes we both agreed we should go as I was not going to let it go any further but I still agreed to meet him that night and agreed to the organised tour. 

That night, he picked me up and we went to have dinner at a small café.  The price that he was able to get for me was very cheap for a tour of Wadi Rum with one night accommodation at Wadi Rum, transport to and two night’s accommodation at Amman.  I accepted but did not hand over the money straight away.  He next took me to a bar where he informed me that we would meet his cousin.  It was at this point that I was to learn that he was actually a Jordanian before I just assumed.   Over a few drinks he told me about his life, growing up in Jordan what it was like to live in Petra meeting the tourist, how he loved what he did.  Before I could start telling my story his cousin turned up.  His cousin was also Jordanian but had spent a lot of his time in the United States working.  He had informed me that he had had a European girlfriend in the United States who died in a car crash.  Not sure how we actually got onto that subject but he felt compelled to tell me.  After a period of time we went for a drive into the desert to see the night sky.  His cousin had a big brand new hummer and it was quite a comfortable drive.  The desert was so clear and bright under the night sky that was glistened with stars.  We stopped by a rocky outcrop and hopped out of the car.  The cousin went looking for firewood to start a fire but could not really find too much and as it wasn’t cold there was no requirement for the fire.  Thank goodness we didn’t have the cooking oil as that would have really concerned me!!  The local Jordanian then proceeded to ask me for the money for the tour that he had organised for me.  I was in the desert with two Jordanians that I had just met being asked for money for a trip that now I was thinking had not been actually been booked.  The cousin went back to the Hummer and sat in the driver’s seat and started it up whilst the local Jordanian tried to convince me that I should pay now.  I took out my money and handed it over, well only the amount that he had asked for.  The local Jordanian then started to walk back towards the Hummer, and it was not until he opened the door that he motioned for me to come and hop in.  I was confused, as I was unsure if they were just going to leave me in the desert, and now it appeared that they were about to take me back to my hotel and perhaps I had just lost the remainder of my money with no way to get back to Amman. 

The two Jordanians dropped me off back at the hotel and drove off.  Going to my room and after having alcohol for the very first time in a long time I started to feel quite hungry and proceeded to eat the two chocolate bars that were in the room fridge.  I had already paid for the room but not the nibbles so knew that I would have to cash one of my last cheques tomorrow.  The one I had saved for a raining day and it was raining chocolate.  In the morning I decided to get up early and go for a walk down towards to the Rose Red City but ended up entering the Kempinski hotel.  I ended up going all through the hotel even walking over the roof of the hotel.  It was a nice explorative walk before breakfast.  On return to my hotel there were a few elderly gentlemen on the road back up to my hotel that just looked at me with a knowingly smile.  I smiled back.  After breakfast, which I made the most of again as I was unsure when the next meal would be again I proceeded to check out.  The chocolates were on the bill and I had my cheque to cover them with change back in my pocket.  After checking out I just stood outside and waited, were my two Jordanian friends turning up?  I stood there for about half an hour wondering if I was actually getting what I had paid for and was also trying to think what else I could do to work my way back to Amman.  When my local Jordanian friend finally turned up!  He said that the car that would be taking me would be here shortly, he also made the point of telling me that he was now going into the hotel business.  For some reason I felt happy for him, concerned for myself but happy for him.  Finally a very nice brand new car turned up with a well-dressed driver.   The well-dressed driver introduced himself and proceeded to load the car with my bag.  I said good-bye to my new local Jordanian friend, as I was not expecting to see him again and wished him the best with his new venture.  As for me, as far as I knew I was off to Wadi Rum.  I was later to find out that the President of the United States wife was to be staying in the very hotel that I walked all over within the next couple of days.  Just one of those comedies of errors situations I seem to find myself in.

The drive to Wadi Rum was more of the desert skeleton landscape that I became familiar with on the drive from Amman to Petra and it took a good part of the morning.  On arrival, I was expecting to be placed in a group Bedouin tent tour but was actually placed on my own with my own local tribal guide.  The driver gave me one of my bags and drove away with my main bag, he did tell me that he would be back at the same time tomorrow to pick me up to take me to Amman.  Ok I was unsure if I would see my bag again but I trusted that I would.  The local tribal guide was a small guy but a very happy guy.  He took me to what was to be our camp and made me some tea and lunch of fresh tomatoes, cucumber and flat bread.  After lunch he proceeded to take me for a 4WD tour of the park that was Wadi Rum.  First stop was one of the sand dunes.  He gestured for me to hop out because we were about to climb the sand dune.  It was a very steep climb but made easy by the sand being crusted together, solidified into the skeletal formation of the dune as opposed to the rolling sand dunes of the Sinai desert or those of the United Arab Emirates.  But never the less just as beautiful!  On top of the sand dune we could see for quite some distance and the landscape did not change but was spotted with various Bedouin campsites that were established for tourist groups.  Next it was off to one of the campsites that had been established as a market in the middle of the desert.  Here we could see crafts, receive henna tattooing, drink tea or smoke Shisha.  I chose to only drink the tea and talk to the locals that were manning the market.  As another tourist group approached my local tribal guide motioned that we had to leave, from here we drove further into the desert where he decided to stop and hop out of the 4WD.  He motioned for me to take over the driver’s seat and for me to take over the driving through the desert for a while.  Cool I thought.  My first time driving in the Middle East and I was going to be able to drive in the desert of Wadi Rum, Jordan. It was one of the good and most exhilarating experiences I had had in such a long time. 

After a while the sun was starting to set and he motioned for me to stop the car.  It was then for both of us to hop out of the car and to run through the desert.  I was confused as to why we would want to start running through the desert, but I took my shoes off and just started running.  It felt amazing, the darkness was falling and here I was running through the desert towards a sand dune with no real reason for doing it except for the fact that I could.  It felt great, we climbed the sand dune and sat for a while whilst we watched the sun set and waited for the first star.  It was beautiful.  Initially the sand dunes appeared as skeletons and would give the impression as if they were dead, but when you take a moment to stop and admire their true beauty you hear the wildlife that brings the desert alive.  After the first star, it was time to head back to our campsite.  We climbed down from the sand dune and ran back to the vehicle to drive back to our campsite.  I am glad my local tribal guide knew where he was going because at this point I had become totally disorientated.  At the site he proceeded to make some dinner, it was the same, tomatoes, cucumbers, flat bread and some tea. The warm tea was very good.  He then proceeded to make up a bed in the tent for me.  I chose not to change my clothes over night.  We stayed awake for a while listening to the music from the other campsites, talking and drinking tea whilst admiring the night sky in all its beauty.  After a while and considering my previous late night and early morning, I decided to go to sleep early.  It was one of the best night sleeps that I had had in a long time.  In the morning we woke with the sun and he had a hot tea waiting for me. The friendly and perfect service reminded me of the service I received during my trek through Sikkum in 1990.  After the tea and some more flat bread, it was time for me to take a camel ride through the Wadi Rum desert, it was amazing riding the camel and listening to the birds that were hidden amongst the sand dunes.  After the ride my well-dressed driver had arrived to pick me up and take me onto my next destination.

He informed me that we would be going past Aqaba and the Dead Sea on our way to Amman.  Ok, I guess, none of it was my choice but they were places that I had not seen before and knew that I would enjoy experiencing.  The drive to Aqaba was refreshing and at Aqaba, the Red Sea Resort city, it was breathtaking scenery of the sea. I was able to hop out of the car to stretch my legs and see the sea.  After the short walk it was back in the car for our drive up to the Dead Sea.  We were basically following the Israeli Jordanian border all the way and were required to stop numerous times to have our identification and car checked by the Jordanian security forces.  On reaching the Dead Sea the well-dressed driver allowed me to hop out of the car and walk down to the waters edge just to put my feet in the water.  It was one of those one off and amazing experiences that I have not been able to replicate since.  From the Dead Sea it was only a short drive to Amman and to my hotel.  It was a small two star hotel, clean and comfortable; my only concern on seeing the room is that there were three beds in it. After saying good bye to my well-dressed driver and seeing the room, after having such an amazing experience in Wadi Rum and interesting experience in Petra, I was starting to get a bit concerned as to what had been planned for me in Amman. 

I left the hotel and just started to walk down the street, not really knowing where I was going or why I wanted to go, just knowing that I needed to get to an ATM to check my finances.  On the walk the stress of the situation started to get to me and I started crying.  So here I was walking down the street in Amman, crying not really knowing where I was going and not really knowing anyone there that I could call.  I had called my Portuguese Australian friend once from Petra to let him know where I was, he seemed to be excited for me and informed me that I probably should not be getting concerned.  I guess he had had cooking oil rubbed over him before!  I had also spoken to the child support agency in Petra as they had informed me that they had just taken out all the money that I had left in the account in case there was a period of time when I could not pay it, so I was feeling in a bit of a desperate way.  Next a chap in a small fairly new car pulled up along side me and asked me where I was going.  I told him that I was not sure and he told me that I should get in.  I hopped in the car. He was quite a large chap, an Arab, and later through discussions I was to learn that he had worked for the United States Army and the French Embassy.  I told him about my situation and he said that I should come and stay with him, not stay in a hotel.  Ok.  After he ran a few errands he took me back to the hotel to collect my bags. In the foyer were the local Jordanian and another local Jordanian from Petra.  They had both come up to Amman to stay with me in the hotel and were surprised that I was leaving.  I was surprised to see them there as he had never discussed with me joining me in Amman!  My new chap friend informed them that I was now going to Syria, and we collected my bags and left the hotel.  I was a bit surprised about the Syria comment but I did not say anything and just went along with it. I did not say anything to the other two Jordanians.  It was about this time that the hotel, the Kempinski Hotel that I walked all over in Petra was to host the United States First Lady.

The Arabian chap’s apartment was in a very nice suburb of Amman, it was located near the Embassies.  That night he cooked a dinner, pasta, it seemed strange to be eating pasta in Jordan but it was nice.  We spoke for some time and I learned that he had a son that was the same age as my daughter.  He only made a move on me once and when I said no he never did it again, I was grateful for him not taking advantage of me.  He was quite a large and strong chap, and finally I felt quite safe.   The following day we went to the Syrian Embassy to try and organise a visa for me to go to Syria.  We were told at the Embassy that I could get the visa at the border.   We decided then to start heading for the border, but before we left Amman, I went to an ATM and was able to draw a considerable amount of money for our trip just in case.  The drive towards the border was an amazing change in landscape to that that I experienced going down to Petra. It was a different desert.  At the border we were required to hope out of the car so that we could enter the building to obtain my visa for Syria.  The most amazing thing inside the building was a large board that had a list of countries and the price of the visa for each.  The price changed dramatically depending on which country you were from and as the prices were written in chalk on the board it appeared as if they also changed quite frequently.  That day I noticed that it was free for a New Zealand passport and twenty Unite States Dollars for an Australian passport holder.  Strange considering our proximity in the world but never the less the requirement for entering Syria!  The chap took my passport and money to the window and paid for my visa whilst I stood back and just observed.

Once I had my visa we had to pass through a checkpoint where a Jordanian Army Colonel stopped the car and asked us who we were and where we were going.  The chap replied this is my wife and we are going to Damascus.  I popped up and said no just friends and the Colonel just smiled and waved us through the checkpoint.  I was surprised to see such a high-ranking Officer on the border conducting checks!!  On the Syrian side of the border the car had to drive through a shallow water pool as a means of cleaning the tyres of the car.   It was something that I did not suspect would be a requirement at border crossings in the Middle East but as we started to drive through Syria towards Damascus the landscape changed from desert to rich red soil that was being used predominately for agriculture.  It was quite an amazing transformation.  The rich red soil reminded me of the soil that I used to see on the way to the beach when I was growing up in Bundaberg, Queensland, Australia.  In Bundaberg it was being used to grow predominately sugar cane and small crops.  Here in Damascus it was predominately small crops.   As it was quite some distance to Damascus and my Arabian chap was becoming a bit tired, he offered if I wanted to drive some of the way.  I only had one response, yes!!! So I started to drive on the road to Damascus whilst he started to sleep.  Everything was going well until I started to hear a whistling sound that I could not determine the origine of.  I had to wake up my Arabian chap to inform him of the sound and whilst I kept driving he tried to determine the origin.  After about fifteen minutes, both of us could not determine the origin of the sound so I ended up pulling over to the side of the road so that we could check the outside of the car.  And finally we found it.  For at least the last half hour I had been driving at over one hundred kilometres an hour on the open road to Damascus with a flat tyre, a very flat tyre and did not even notice it in the steering.

My Arabian chap changed the tyre, placing on the small spare that he had in the boot and decided to take over the driving again.   We now had to take a detour to buy a new tyre for the car.  It was going to be a long day.  We were still only driving through the agricultural fields and it was still some time till we would reach the outskirts of Damascus.  I was feeling quite impressed with my driving with the flat tyre and enjoying the moment, my Arabian chap, I believe was also enjoying the journey.  After we found a place to buy and have the tyre changed we started to head into the center of Damascus.  After a short period of time we started to be driving through an area where there were a lot of United Nations vehicles.  My Arabian chap, parked the car behind one of the United Nations vehicles, to take me to one of the traditional and original hotels in Damascus, a place where he would always like to sit in the lounge area of the atrium and have tea.  So we sat for a while, drinking tea, enjoying the silver service and admiring the architecture of the old hotel.  After tea the first place where he took me to was a mountain just on the edge of Damascus where I could view the skyline.  In comparison to other capital cities it was quite flat and expansive.  Most buildings did not go above three stories; it was quite an amazing site.  Then it was off towards the Damascus Bazaar and the Grand Mosque Umayyad.   The Bazaar was quite long with a lot of tourists shopping buying the various wares, as for me with my money situation, I was just admiring.  After we walked through the Bazaar we reached the Grand Mosque Umayyad, which was a Mosque built from converting a church.  The courtyard leading to the Mosque was quite large, one of the largest I had seen and the architecture still had remnants of that which would be seen for a church.    The feeling of standing in the middle of the courtyard observing this impressive structure was humbling.  In the actual Mosque it felt quite peaceful.  After we visited the various parts of the Grand Mosque we drove to another hotel where I accessed the business center to check my emails to see if I had been successful in any of my job applications.  The hotel that we found was at the same time hosting a conference for the Arab League on agriculture and there were quite a few United Nations vehicles parked around the hotel.  Unfortunately for me I had not received any responses with regards to potential job offers.   It was getting close to evening and before heading on our drive back to Amman, Jordan we decided to have dinner at one of the Syrian traditional restaurants.  The meal that my Arabian chap ordered was one of the best meals I had had in all of my travels to the Middle East.  The food was so fresh and light.  The drive back to Amman was without event and this time I refrained from driving, just in case.  At the border when I was to renew my visa for Jordan, I was to receive a one-month residential visa.  I am not sure how it was organised or why but I felt quite humbled and honoured.

The following day, my good Arabian chap decided that I should see some of Jordan.  We then proceeded over the next few days to see the ancient city of Jerash, one of the largest archaeological sites of Roman Architecture to be found in the Middle East, The Roman Theatre and the Ajlun Castle.  At Jerash a couple of local boys decided tat they wanted to be our tour guide.  They started to point out the water systems in the village to me, similar to that I had seen before but it was the first time that I had seem a purpose built bathroom system where there were specifically designed toilet rooms where waste was collected below the rock structures.  They also showed me a very large well-cut stone.  Apparently the stone used to sit on top of two stone pylons at the entrance of the fort/village, when it was struck with a device the stone would sing warning those in side that some one was approaching that was not friendly.  They struck the stone to prove it to me and it made the most amazing tune.  The dimensions used to cut allowed for the tune to ring from the stone.  We were definitely very intelligent! He was also able to take me to some of the very old churches in Damascus to see the mosaic tilings and tapestries.  We also would go to an olive oil factory and eat at various small but wonderful Arabian cafes where he would introduce me to the more traditional foods.  It was a wonderful few days and I did feel like it would be good to stay for the month in Jordan but felt compelled to return to Dubai to pursue my desire to find work.  After spending over a couple of weeks in Jordan I arranged for my flight back to Dubai and kept in contact with my Arabian chap for many years to follow.

My time back in Dubai ended up being quite short, as I was finding that my financial situation was becoming quite desperate.  In Jordan I found out about the situation with regards to my child support payments being significantly increased even though I was not working.  Not sure how that happened!!!!  Back in Dubai I found out that the property that I had been trying to sell to refinance was not yet close to being sold.  I never really discussed the situation with my Libyan friend that would still contact me and take me to various meetings but he did come forward and show me a couple of apartments that I could move into.  The first apartment was very nicely furnished, and when I was told the price he informed me that the owner would not be concerned if I was late with payments.  The second apartment was small not very well furnished but probably more suitable to me financially.  He recommended the first and said that I could probably start working in his office with him… So I had been offered an apartment that I did not necessarily have to pay rent for and I was being offered a chance to work in his office but there had been no discussion of pay.  I had to leave, I felt it I just knew it.  I told him that I had to leave. His comments to me were that it would only be for a couple of years and then I could get my Doctorate.  It has since been eight years and my finances have never been sorted out, no matter my efforts trying, I have never been able to re-establish a positive relationship with my daughter and I have never been able to commence a Doctorate degree, but I have always been able to be moved into more trying situations.  Most notably two years in Qatar, only after a very emotionally and financially trying year back in Australia.  Qatar, that had been recommended as where I should go by the ex Federal Police Officer that I met earlier during my stay in Dubai.  But again I transgress.

But at this point it is the end of 2007, I was in financial trouble and I knew I had to go somewhere to sort out my finances.  After telling him that I had to go and after our discussion he dropped me back at the Arabian Courtyard Hotel, I took a taxi to the airport.  On the way to the airport I phoned the Gold Bank to let him know that I was leaving, I think he was surprised at the time.  At the airport I was not sure where I would go, I just knew that I had to leave as I did not want anything bad to happen with me in the Middle East after I had been shown such good hospitality and friendship.  Also considering the reports and crap that had been written about me at the Defence Intelligence Training Center, it was not a good idea for me to fall apart or go missing in such a place.  At the airport I asked for the first flight out, hoping that I had enough money for whichever flight it actually was.  It was Malta.  I was unaware of which Malta I would be going to as there was a Malta in Eastern Europe, in the Mediterranean and a Malta in the United States.  I took the flight.  It was not until I went through immigration and waited in the airport that I was able to realise that it was actually Malta in the Mediterranean.  My arrival to Malta was a couple of days after the Queens visit to Malta so it was obviously a destination of significance and my timing was exemplary. 

On arrival, I was not sure where I was going to go or really what I was going to do here.  I just walked through baggage claim and out to the arrivals area where I had a couple of taxi drivers walk towards me. 

Where you want to go?

Not Sure!!

I really was not sure, I felt as though I had just dumped myself in a foreign country because I did not want anything to go wrong with my financial situation in the Middle East.   I really did not want to become an issue or from what I was later to find out during my time to Qatar see the issues.  I wanted to stay blind like the other Westerners that were living it up there and making the money.  I guess my character, previous experience and contacts that seemed to be continually crossing my path were never going to let that happen.  Well I just didn’t work in the bedroom!!

You want to go to hotel, I take you!

Ok but cheap hotel.

Yes, Yes cheap hotel over in Sliema. Nice area.

And I was off to another hotel.  It was more like a bed and breakfast and was nicely located on the waterfront.  My room was on the sixth floor and there was only a small lift but everyday I chose to walk up and down the stairs to breakfast as my morning exercise and really anytime I wanted to go out. 

After checking into the hotel I went for a walk along the waterfront and found a restaurant where I could grab something to eat.  It was a nice waterfront seafood restaurant where I chose to just have the cheapest thing on the menu, some bruschetta.  It came with extra bread, which I consumed.  It was December and it was cold in Malta, I had just come from a very warm climate and I was feeling the cold as my wardrobe was only for a warm climate.  I only sat for a while, well until it became too cold for me, before returning to my hotel.  I really was not sure what I was going to do the next day but thought that I should get out and have a look around the place since I was here.  Getting out distracted me from crying about my situation.  After, filling myself with bread and cheese for breakfast, I proceeded to go down to the waterfront to catch a ferry across to Valetta.  Valetta, Malta’s capital is one of three World Heritage sites on the Islands and I was about to experience it and it was beautiful.  Before walking up into the fortress, I decided to go for a walk around the edge along the water where there were fishing shacks established.  I was also to notice that in the side of the walls there were the water canals cut, similar to that that I had seen in the Red Rose City of Petra.  Malta was recorded as having over 7000 years of history, having been colonised by the Phoenicians, Romans, Byzantines, Arabs, Normans, Spanish, French and the British over the years before gaining their independence in 1964.  The architecture is a mix of majestic Baroque buildings and fortifications.  After walking around the edge I ended up heading through Valletta towards the upper Barracca Gardens to see the majestic view over the Grand Harbour and to observe the gun salute.  It was quite an awe-inspiring view that could not be matched by the view over Sydney Harbour Australia.  But I am a bit biased.

From here I went exploring Valletta the city.  It had been beautifully decorated for Christmas and everyone just seemed so happy.  The cafes were full of people enjoying their time.  As for me I was living on breakfast as it was included in my accommodation costs and apples that I would take from breakfast.  As it was cold, I would buy coffee only from the cafes so that I could have somewhere warm to sit and something warm to put in my stomach.  I did have one elderly gentleman speak to me and before I could even mention what my situation was he had given me his phone number to call if I needed assistance.  It was a kindness that I stubbornly could not follow up.   I returned to the hotel to sit in the Italian restaurant to have another cup of coffee.  There I met an elderly gentleman that was on holiday in Malta from New York.  He informed me that he worked for the United Nations.  At the time he was eating quite a large pizza, I could only watch.  We got talking and I talked about my experiences in the Middle East whilst he told me about his experiences with the United Nations.  It was quite an interesting conversation as he had a wealth of experience and knowledge.  The following day I went on my only packaged tour whilst in Malta, it was to the Hal Saflieni Hypogeum, a complex that is located underground that was accidentally discovered in 1902 by a family trying to build a water well under their house.   They had cracked through the roof of this ancient underground structure.  The site has been dated to 3600BC, a time before the Pharaohs.  Inside the site there was one room that had paintings on the roof that reminded me of some of the Aboriginal cave art that had been shown to me through my schooling in Australia.  It was the weirdest feeling walking below the ground in this ancient site.  That afternoon I took a taxi to a site on the western side of the island.  The taxi driver had basically talked me into the tour and had offered it at a very cheap price.  Over the west he took me to the cliffs edge and had me walk down with him to a set of caves in the cliffs edge.  It was whilst we were in the caves that he informed me that when the sun set, the sun actually set in line with the cave so the rays of light of the sun would just filter all the way through the cave.  He also went on to tell me how they had one gentleman that would bring his wives to this cave and when finished with them would through them over the cliffs edge.  It was at this point I though that we should probably start to go back up to the top and head back to Sliema. 

Back at the hotel I saw the elderly gentlemen that worked for the United Nations again in the Italian restaurant.  He again was eating a pizza.  We had another interesting conversation and I was to learn that he kind of worked in the financing section.  Guess he was able to eat and enjoy his holiday in Malta, my enjoyment was considerably challenged due to my financial predicament.

After a bit more time exploring I needed to work out my finances and found a five star hotel back in Sliema that had wireless internet for free.  I basically just pretended that I was a guest of the hotel and took my computer down to the lounge to sit.  I was also to note that as it was Christmas they were offering free hot chocolate, mince pies and gingerbread Christmas trees cookies.  All of which I was happy to consume to excess as it was to become my lunch and evening meal! 

The news from home was not good for me, as I had been trying to refinance by selling my property on the Sunshine Coast, it seems there was a buyer but I needed to get a form signed and returned to my lawyer.  Fortunately, I could print it at the hotel but needed to see the Embassy to have my signature witnessed.  Going to the Embassy, was interesting, it was the first time I had stepped back into one since my days training at the Defence Force Intelligence Training Center where we would sometimes go to the Australian Embassy in the country where we were to deliver the Defence Intelligence Research and Analytical course.  I met a young male DFAT Officer there who offered to meet me for a drink outside.  When I met him for a drink out side I informed him of my travels through Egypt and Jordan.  On mentioning about the family in Jordan he seemed shock and disappointed. 

But Carol, you could have stayed with a local family for a month. You should                                                                    have!!

 I did not tell him about the British security firm’s business card that had been handed to me by the taxi driver so was very shocked at his response.  Yes wouldn’t that have been good?!  I could have stayed and possibly been pushed into a marriage and stayed there permanently – wouldn’t that have been good for DFAT to have someone on the ground in such a local situation living on next to nothing with the local residence.  They were nice people, but I doubt if the shoes were on the other foot that the very DFAT officer would have lowered himself to even end up in such a situation – well you see they, the family didn’t drink and there were definitely no cocktail parties!!  After I explained to him that I had no money he then proceeded to say that I should get in touch with my parents and see what they could do for me.  I suggested that since I was a Navy Reserve Officer, perhaps they could place me in the Embassy and Navy could pay me reserve pay.  That idea did not really suit him and apparently was not going to occur, as it seemed apparently the Australian government through Defence would not be paying me.  I left that little session a bit disappointed but not surprised he left with a big smile on his face but did pay for my drink so I guess I should have been grateful.  I went back to the motel I was staying in not really sure how I was going to be paying for it and not really wanting to go and live on the streets.  The next day, considering my financial predicament, I went to the roof of the hotel to lie in the sun.  There was an English couple up there lying in the sun as well.  They started to talk to me, I never mentioned my financial predicament to them but they started to talk about a good friend of theirs that would marry for a few months then divorce his wives. They told me how the wives would end up doing very well out of the arrangement!!  Yep thanks for that advice but that really isn’t me, the streets after that conversation were starting to look good.  I stayed in the hotel that day and evening, not eating until the following morning.  The next day I did ask my family for help.  I asked if they could move me out of the apartment and sell my motorbike and send me the money.  They did.  My brother in law who was in the army found another army soldier that was interested in buying my motorbike very quickly, and it was sold.  The money was sent to me by Western Union.

At breakfast, an English chap sat down with me.  He let me know that he was an ex-British police officer. Great!  For some reason we started talking about marijuana, he informed me how in Britain they were growing an experimental crop that had had the drug aspect removed from it.  It was grown for research purposes but it was grown next to a train line.  Unfortunately those young at heart that would catch the train would also regularly hope off the train to steal the marijuana.  It became such a problem that they had to put up signs along the train line informing people that this marijuana was research purposes and the drug aspect had been removed.  It didn’t deter the thefts and it might be an indication of the British education system, as people obviously could not read.  We were to have further similar conversations over the next couple of days.  One day I did not see him in the morning and started to develop a headache that day.  I believe it was close to the day that I saw on the news that a political candidate in Pakistan had been successfully assassinated.  Although I was in financial hardship, I still tried to keep abreast of international affairs, in case I was able to gain suitable paying work.  I remembered that that very politician was in Dubai at the time that I was there but never met her.  That day that I developed the headache, I bought some Panadol.  I started taking them in the morning and by mid afternoon calculated that I may have taken too many.  When I realised I went down to reception and asked them if I could have an ambulance and be taken to the hospital as I think I have accidentally overdosed on Panadol.  I was taken to the hospital and had some tests done.  I was kept in over night and was required to speak to a psychologist.  He had no issue with me, never prescribed medication, and I was released the next day to return to the hotel.  Whilst in the hospital, I called the Embassy, the DFAT officer I had previously had a drink with just out of courtesy.  I was never charged for the ambulance or the hospital stay.  When I arrived back at the hospital, the British police officer was in the foyer.  He came and spoke to me, obviously the staff must have informed him that I had been taken to the hospital but he asked me the strangest question:

                                                Did you really mean that!!!

I just looked at him with conviction and shook my head.  Really, if I had meant to take too many Panadol would I really have gone down to the foyer and request for an ambulance to take me to the hospital!  The one overdose that I did have in 1992, I just lied in bed hallucinating thinking I would not wake up.  Fortunately or unfortunately I did wake up and it was friends that came looking for me, I didn’t go looking for anyone when I woke up.  The ex British police officer checked out of the hotel that day and I didn’t hear or see him again.  DFAT paid for the ambulance and hospital, and after just interacted with me as if nothing had happened, yet would not let me complete paid reserve time at the Embassy.  In my annoyance, I dressed up one night and walked into a local bar.  I asked if I could work behind the bar.  The bar owner was surprised at my request and agreed to it, probably because I offered to work for free.  I did not have a working visa for Malta, so it would have been illegal for me to work for money.  It was a good night I worked, poured some beers that looked more like ice creams but the patrons didn’t seem to mind, they were locals and this was obviously their local bar.  I had some great conversations with them that night.  They were very kind people.  The next day I went back to the Embassy and spoke again to the DFAT officer and said, see I can find work easy, but I don’t have a working visa so it would be illegal for me to continue with such activity, but could work in the Embassy as a Navy Reserve Officer.   The answer with a laugh was still no.

On one of the nights after these conversations with DFAT, I went and sat in the café to have a cup of coffee, I had a little bit of money left, it was cold so was devoting the little bit of money I had left to buying a coffee every now and again.  A girl my age just came over to sit with me.  She was a local and started to talk to me.  With out me offering my predicament she offered for me to come and stay with her as she had a two-bedroom apartment right in the center of Sliema.  Her mother owned the building and had another apartment on the top floor.  She offered to pay my hotel bill.  At this time I was a few days over due.  I felt awkward accepting her assistance as I was so used to paying for others and myself.  But I was in a bit of a situation and the Embassy with the offer of Navy reserve time was not coming to the party even though they paid my medical expenses.  I finally accepted, and she came to the hotel with me to pay the bill and take me to her apartment.  I was to learn that a couple of weeks before I had met her that she had been dragged into the police station, questioned and her daughter, whom was the same age as my daughter had been handed to her mother for custody.  She had also recently thrown her passport into the Mediterranean Sea.  Something I was seriously considering the lack of assistance I was receiving from the Australian Embassy.  But the staff there, the DFAT officer I was dealing with always had a nice big smile on his face after every conversation I had had with him.    It was also Christmas time and as a treat she offered to take me to one of the churches for Christmas Carols.  After coming from the Middle East and even in comparison to Australia, I had never seen so many churches before in such a small area.  It was a nice idea and I accepted, we went to a beautiful church near her apartment, it was beautifully decorated for Christmas and the Carols, the way people were singing was angelic.  It was a really nice night and comforting night. 

The next day we went out for dinner, and the taxi driver that was driving us home to her apartment said to us that if we wanted work, his friend could place us in his nightclub as cleaners.  It would be good money and we wouldn’t have to do it for long.  My new friend had also expressed to me an interest in going and working in Eastern Europe and if I would want to come with her.  The idea sounded good in theory, the idea of working as a cleaner in the nightclub and then going to Eastern Europe but I did also have significant concerns considering my financial predicament.  I was unsure of how we would really survive there and how I would find a path back to my daughter.  I did get to meet her mother and her daughter.  Her daughter was beautiful and so full of life.  She had not yet felt the pain of being separated from her daughter.  Even though her daughter lived in the same building as her, she was only able to see her at restricted times and only when her mother was present.  Nothing bad had really happened between her and her daughter and she was actually a very good person but these restrictions had been placed on her, kind of similar but not to the same extreme, as I had experienced in Australia.  For one she was not being accused of being psychologically unstable, and did not have the same pain of being totally cut off from the very one that you love.  I did think hard about the options put before me but declined.  I did not want to have the same level of pain inflicted upon her, as it really does tear you apart.  I was not going to travel with her to Eastern Europe and she kind of looked a bit more at ease with my decision as I don’t think she was that keen on the idea either.  Although I did cry a lot when I was alone, and cursed the very staff from the very Defence Intelligence Training Center that I knew had placed me in such a situation, I never showed the pain when I was around others, even not showing the pain to the DFAT staff.  I would always find some way to deflect the pain to show strength when I was around others.  I learnt this from my days at sea with Navy when another Navy Officer on a daily basis was sexually abusing me.  I would always show conviction and strength.  Usually after my conversations with DFAT, I would go for a run and do various exercises, mainly full push-ups with legs raised as a way of beating the crying.  I would also keep my mind active by keeping abreast of international affairs and work through solutions in my head.  Making conversations with people that I would meet all the more interesting, as I would offer my thoughts and they would offer theirs.  I could never beg, could not deceive any male into taking care of me, but when a hand was offered would most times accept and find some way of repaying that would not be transacted in the bedroom.  In some respect my conviction was my financial peril.

After a couple of days with my new female friend I decided that I should probably head back to Australia to fight for my daughter.  She agreed that I should and seemed happy for me.  I had contacted my parents to see if they could assist with the flight costs home.  They did.  My parents had also moved my items into their house at Beaudesert from my apartment on the Gold Coast.  Fortunate for me, what I had paid upfront for the apartment on the Gold Coast covered my rent that was outstanding so there was no financial cost associate with my moving out.  At this point I had also moved out of the apartment with my new friend and moved into a hotel as my parents had also sent me some money for a hotel until the flight.  At this point I was actually living on the streets, as I did not want to take anymore from my new friend as I felt as though I was using her.  I doubt that she felt the same way but I was not used to living off other people, I had worked since the age of seventeen and had paid for everything myself, I had even paid for a family when I had a husband that was more than happy with living off me.  My parents at that point did not know I was living on the streets.  I was however a very clean homeless person, always went into the powder room of a five star hotel, washed in the powder room and sat in the lounge eating their free food for as long as I could before finding a safe warm place to spend the night sitting half awake half asleep.

I flew back to Australia January 2008.  The flight was good and my father picked me up at the airport.  My time at my parent’s house was very disturbing for me.  It was the last place where I had had my daughter.  I had seen her after but only by visiting the childcare center that she attended for a couple of hours every fortnight.  My father offered t drive me down to the childcare center to see my daughter on my return that I gladly accepted.  That first visit was one of the most memorable; she welcomed me with open arms and gave me a big hug.  Whilst I was overseas I would call her once a fortnight, and as the childcare staff knew me from my many visits and stays in the center, would bring my daughter to the front office to put her on the phone with me.  We would have the best conversations although some days I think the activities that I was pulling her away from were too exciting and she just couldn’t stay on the phone for very long.  I was so proud of her and her cute little sense of independence.  My father also took me to see my lawyer, which assisted me with my divorce and sale of my property.  At this point I had a large Defence debt and was about to receive a large tax debt for selling the property.  I was pretty upset at the time as to how I can pay it back and said the words I am going to have to go bankrupt.  The Debt was just over $100 000 but I had no income.  He informed me that he could assist me with going bankrupt.  He had also in that conversation informed me that he had done some work on the Bankrupt policy for government.  I was also to learn that he had a good Army friend that he knew through one of the life saving clubs.  The Army friend worked at the KOKODA Barracks and he had known him during my divorce process.  I was upset at that meeting and at the end he pretty much stated I could go bankrupt now or I could go bankrupt in three years time.  Both I really did not want to do, as it would be a mark against me with regards to gaining access to my daughter.  But it was another pain that I would carry.  My former husband never changed the Court Order, even though I was not seeing my daughter on the three-day basis a fortnight as previously agreed.  Defence and the tax department also did not seem to be in a rush to recoup the money that I owed them, in interpreting it in hindsight it seemed better for my pathetic story to be carrying the debt.

After a couple of weeks at home with my parents trying to sort out what I was doing I was in touch with one of my friends from Bond University.  He had returned from working in Singapore and was establishing himself back in Adelaide.  He offered for me to come down to Adelaide to stay with him and find work there.  I really did not have the money and really did not want to leave my daughter.  I was also keeping in contact with a couple of old school friends that were still living in Brisbane.  They were the friends that I would stay with when I first posted into the Defence Intelligence Training Center at KOKODA Barracks.  I decided to go and stay with my friends in Brisbane for a couple of days and try and seek Navy Reserve time at one of the Commands at ENOGGERA Barracks.  Those couple of days were enjoyable, it was a chance to forget my problems and revert to good old times.  It was difficult for me though, as I was used to shouting but at this point was dependent on my friends doing all the shouting of food and drink.  My father drove me to my friends place and gave me some money.  I had packed well.  I went and saw the Navy Reservist at ENOGGERA Barracks; they really did not have a position for me but was offering me some work that would not really sustain me.  Also the accommodation at my friend’s house was not permanent.  I spoke to the Navy Reservist at Navy Head that had a project management position that was permanent for six months at Maritime Headquarters, Potts Point Sydney.  I decided to bite the bullet and take that position.  This position would require me finding my own transport to Sydney and own accommodation in Sydney.  I still had my debt from Defence that I had to pay back, and was trying to pay back in instalments and knew I was about to get quite a large debt from the Taxation department for selling my property at Noosaville.  For what I sold it for, even though there were significant capital gains, I had lost the financial benefit from paying out my former husband in the financial settlement and financing my own travel to the Middle East and Europe.  My friend in Brisbane worked for Flight Center so was able to get me a very cheap flight to Sydney from Brisbane.  Unfortunately for me she was unable to drive me to the airport so I had to catch a taxi, as it was late notice on her availability.  The taxi ended up costing more than the flight – just one of those comedies of errors.  When I arrived in Sydney I found cheap accommodation at what to be a bit of a shared boarding house in North Sydney.  It was just down the road from Kirrabili house.  At the boarding house I met another girl who was in between apartments and had completed a Degree in Theological studies.  I also had met and had an interesting conversation with an older Australian that had worked for the International Monetary Fund and learnt a lot about how they operated.  It was interesting to hear.  After a couple of days I went to a meeting at Maritime Headquarters and the permanent Navy Commander that interviewed me I had worked for previously at the Australian Joint Intelligence Center back in 1998-1999 so he knew me well.  He invited the two Lieutenant Commander reservists into the room for the meeting.  One of them I was replacing as he was taking six months leave.  His position was project management that I thought was good because it was employment and good because it could help me develop my plan for a secondment arrangement, interoperability plan for Nuclear Energy stations that I was working on at the time.  It was something I was doing to keep my brain busy and keep my brain from focusing on how much I missed my daughter.  During the meeting the Commander running the meeting said to me, you know Carol you can take this position on continuous full time employment and probably in six months we would have you promoted.  At that point one of the Navy Reservist Lieutenant Commanders, the one that I would be working alongside said that she probably does not want to do that.  With the way the words came out I took it as a no that would not be occurring and chose only to take the position on days.  The position was not to come available for a couple of weeks and for me well I really did not have the money to accommodate myself without an income.  After the meeting I sat down with one of the Commanders in the office outside.  He was the Navigator when I was posted to HMAS PROTECTOR and we were supporting the Collins class submarine trials.  I told him about my accommodation issue and he said that he could help but not for a few days.  I was facing the streets.  That night I checked out of the boarding house and left my bags with a friend that I met there.  I proceeded down to the Warf near the boarding house and Kirrabili house.  I decided that that was to be my bedroom for the night.  On the Warf I was able to meet a couple of men that were fishing, they were of Palestinian decent and very nice to talk to.  I didn’t tell them why I was there, just that I thought it would be nice to have a night under the stars.  We had an interesting conversation that night but not a conversation that was to be repeated, as the following nights that I spent on the Warf I did not see them again.  I had looked extensively at the Palestinian issue on my studies and considering I had visited the area, albeit not Israel or Palestine had also seen perception of the issue from a regional perspective.  There was one night when it was wet, and instead of staying on the Warf chose to go back to the boarding house and sleep in the bathroom.  I was kind of desperate, and besides I was washing still in there anyway.

After a couple of nights sleeping on the Warf, I received another phone call from my friend in Adelaide.  He said that he would pay for my flight to Adelaide and I could stay with him for a few days.  That sounded like a plan to me and would give me the chance to at least get some sleep.  I was now off to Adelaide whilst I waited to take up my Navy position at Maritime Headquarters Sydney.

On arrival in Adelaide, my friend took me to his apartment.  It was a brand new apartment block right on the water.  Trams were located close, only a short walking distance and they took you straight to the center of Adelaide.  Only problem there was only one bedroom.  Well we ended up sharing the bedroom.  There was very little furniture in the apartment and he had me go to Centerlink to start receiving the unemployment benefits.  I felt wrong about receiving the benefit considering that I was about to start Navy days but with the structure that I was to be paid with the Navy was entitled to receive it.  Whilst I was there he suggested that I start to look for work in Adelaide and stay there with him to get myself back on my feet.  So I did, and got quite a few interviews.  Conversations would end up about world issues and I would never be invited back for placement.  It was kind of starting to remind me of my days in Dubai.  Just a couple of days before I was about to receive the unemployment benefit I landed a job.  It was a marketing role based solely on commission.  I was selling children door to door. Well actually selling sponsorship of children door to door for the Save the Children fund.  It was an Englished based marketing company that had also established itself in Australia.  It was also at the point that I was to return to Sydney to take up the Navy Reserve project management position.  I thought hard about it, and considering my current financial predicament, did not like the idea of sleeping on the Wharf and then going into the Maritime Headquarters for work.  I chose to stay in Adelaide and let the Navy Lieutenant Commander reservist know.  As I was receiving an income I was also contributing to the rent and food, not a lot but I was contributing and meeting my Child Support payments that had been significantly reduced around my return to Australia.  They were significantly increased when I went to Jordan and as I had no income was finding it difficult to actually pay.

Within three weeks I was recognised as the top seller of Children for the Month.  It was nice to know that I could sell considering that I did not have sales experience.  The idea with door to door sales was that you knock on as many doors as you could before 7 PM, the time we had to leave the streets.  My boss told me I was more successful in the more affluent suburbs.  Well yes! I didn’t like selling in the poorer suburbs as I felt that some families could not really afford it, but many would take up the challenge and made the effort as an educational experience for their children.  I would meet many people and would have very interesting conversations.  One night I was doing as a pair with one of the other employees, he was from Singapore from a very affluent family.  He chose the position as a means of learning about Australians and the Australian culture. We knocked on one door and it was an elderly Italian couple.  We got chatting to her and she ended up inviting us in for some of her home cooked Italian food.  We weren’t really into selling that night and accepted her offer.  The food was very good and very abundant.  We also did a road trip out to one of the towns in between Adelaide and Melbourne.  Apparently it was known as powder town, not sure why but I don’t think that it was for good reasons.  We spent two days out there selling children before returning to Adelaide.  It was an interesting trip and I had some very interesting conversations with some locals.  Whilst I was in Adelaide I also tried for the Australian Secret Intelligence Service.  This time I went to an interview and testing stage.  But apparently was unsuccessful.  After that point I was starting to receive a bit of criticism from my boss about my employment.  I felt like I was at the Defence Intelligence Training Center all over again.  At that point I thought it best if I resigned.  My friend that I was staying with was annoyed that I resigned.  We had been living just on vegetables, me mainly one meal a day of vegetables.  As an outlet he would go to his parent’s house of a Sunday night for dinner but would never invite me even though apparently we were together.  His parents were quite wealthy and I was to learn that he had spent some time in the United States and there might have been a bit of a connection between him and drugs.  Information and a conversation that I really did not want to have!!  I then tried the Navy path again, and suggested to Navy that I would like to go back to sea as an Officer of the Watch.  They seemed interested and placed me on a Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Warfare Course that was a requirement for going back to sea.  I also saw a psychiatrist during this time who decided at the end of the interview not to recommend me.  She mentioned the name of the friend I was staying with and verbally used that as the reason but this was not reflected in the report that she wrote, something I was becoming accustomed to since 2006 with psychiatrists associated with Defence.  After a couple of days I was able to gain employment in the Adelaide Sheriffs Office.  Basically assisting with the allocation of people for Jury duty and being on the front desk for any inquiries.  I also learnt that the Sheriff’s Office also did door to door but not for sales but still collection of money or property.  I became good friends with the staff and found out there were two ex Defence personnel working in the Office, one an ex Army Intelligence Corps Major and the other an ex Air Force Airman.  I cannot recall the airman’s rank but it was a female and I was to learn that she was appointed to the General that I was briefing at the Australian Joint Intelligence Center in my earlier days in Sydney when I was briefing the General.   Also of note, the other Navy Officer that I referred to as having a similar name to me was also from Adelaide.  It really was a Comedy of Errors.  The placement at the Sheriff’s Office was only a temporary position that I was to fill for a couple of months.  I was able to meet some interesting people at the counter during my time there.  At the end of my placement, the Temp Agency that placed me could not seem to find me any further employment on either a temp or permanent basis.  My friend that I was staying with seemed to be becoming very annoyed with me and then proceeded to throw me out.  As part of the throw out he dropped me off at a psychiatrist office.  The appointment with the psychiatrist was associated with my application for the Australian Secret Intelligence Service or my Navy application, not too sure looking back now.  Both of which were not to eventuate from Adelaide.  Prior to being kicked out I went back to the Sheriff’s Office to speak to one of the older gentlemen that I had been working with to see if he could help me out with accommodation.  He said yes, again much to the annoyance of my friend that I was staying with in Adelaide.  So after the psychiatrist interview, which I received no feedback from, I went and stayed with the gentleman from the Sheriff’s Office whilst I looked for work.  He had a spare bedroom that I used.  My friend would ring regularly invite me out and in the last minute cancel. It was almost like I was just being played with.  Looking for work proved unsuccessful but I did have some interesting conversations with the gentleman.  I was to learn that he had two houses and no family.  In conversation that words were uttered if I can come twice you can have a house.  Not too sure what was meant by those words but within a couple of days I was on a flight back to my parent’s house to look for some work in Queensland. 

Back at my parent’s house that was proving very frustrating, I tried Navy again.  I was seeing my daughter every fortnight at the childcare center and whilst I was in Adelaide was phoning her every fortnight at the childcare center.  Navy this time did have a position it would be days, but considering the location of the base I was to be posted to, would provide accommodation in the Officer’s Mess and transport there.  It was a training development position, and as I had no other options I accepted and was there within a couple of days.  Irrespective of the assessment made by the female psychiatrist in Adelaide!  I guess my later psychiatrist appointment went well. Oh but before I left, the last visit with my daughter, the staff at the childcare center had me bring my father in to see his grand daughter.  I would always place my daughter on the phone with her grandmother during the visits but this was the first time in a long time that my daughter got to see her grand father.  And that was my civilian life back in Australia in 2008.  It was trying, it was hard, and I cried a lot, never really went out and focused on finding a path for my daughter and me.

My time at the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center, it was interesting being back in uniform.  I was issued new uniforms and placed in the Senior Officer’s accommodation.  It was a bit like being back in the Senior Officer’s accommodation at HMAS HARMAN when I was a midshipman.

I arrived at the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center on the 20 October to 13 and stayed until December 2008.  I was able to come back after the Christmas break to resume the position but that was only to be for a couple of months.  I was placed in the position of Training Development Officer and also assumed a secondary position of Staff Officer Special Projects.  The first role required me to consolidate the current United Nations training packages for the Military Observers course and the Defence Force Joint Warfare Training packages in preparation for handing them over to civilian contractors.  The second role was to look at issues in relationship to the development of the amphibious capability in preparation for the Royal Australian Navy acceptance of the two new Amphibious Warships being built in Spain.  It was a large project and the Royal Australian Navy had quite a few projects running to ensure their acceptance ran smoothly and all areas that needed to be considered were rightly being worked.  What it meant for me personally, I was placed in a Senior Officer’s cabin for the duration of my stay and as both roles were listed as me being employed seven days a week I was not required to pay for food or accommodation for the duration of the posting.  The pay was tax-free and a real good chance to get back on my feet financially after what I had already sacrificed.  It ended up being a means to give me enough money to set me on my way back to the Middle East.  I think whether I wanted to or not that was to be my path.   I say whether I wanted to or not because a lot of the people that crossed my path there were more than willing to tell me of their stories from Afghanistan, Iraq or even Staff Courses where they would attend with either Arabic, South Asian, European or Israeli Officers.  I even had one senior Royal Australian Air Force Warrant Officer tell me that he had never been out of Australia, worked predominately on numerous Electronic Warfare Aircraft, has already had three unsuccessful marriages and would love to go to Saudi Arabia.  I think I might have ignored the last bit of information but informed him that I would like a chance to go second seat in one of the jets as I missed out when I was unable to complete my Air Intercept Controller’s course.  He told me that he would be able to arrange it for the following year when as the Comedy of Errors would have it I was not to be there.

Other conversations I would like to repeat but considering their content are probably too classified even though they were discussed in the open and in unclassified areas.  That is around the bar area over a few ales, with me being the one not drinking, well I had little money and could not justify spending the little I had on alcohol.  But what can I say; I was just a Reservist Royal Australian Navy Officer there to make a few tax-free dollars.  I definitely was not shutting them up because that was no longer my role.

The work at the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center was familiar as I was looking at manning issues for the second role and trying to gain some insight from the United Nations as to how they were planning to revamp their Military Observer’s course, of which Australia ran for Australian and Asian participants and if we could ethically hand over the development of the courses to civilian contractors.  This was obviously an issue for the Australian Federal Police as well, as they were responsible for development and delivery of the Police Observer’s Course and both courses shared components.  Just prior to my arrival the Australian Federal Police had posted an officer to the same unit.   Australia also had a very senior female Navy Officer working at the United Nations at the same time in Training but from my counterparts at the unit they had not received direction as to the changes that could be expected.  Alternatively they continued with placing the course documentation received from the United Nations into Australian Defence format for delivery by the staff, not altering the desired outcomes whilst I tried to look at the coordination issues.  This was the same work I had down whilst I was posted as the Officer In Charge of the Training Development Wing, Defence Intelligence Training Center.  You remember the Center of Excellence that Australia has created outside of the Gold Coast.  For me, and a few others, it seemed strange that such important Defence specific courses would be handed over for civilian development and how such a transition was agreed to.  By the time we broke for the Christmas leave break there was doubt as to whether the transition would actually occur.  Oh the contractors that were being considered were all ex Defence anyway, so really where the problem was, of course the tender process was valid and equitable. 

Of the Officer’s that I worked with, the majority were Royal Australian Air Force and Royal Australian Navy whilst there were less numbers of Army Officers.  They would bring their Instructional staff and Officer’s in for the courses as required.  The Royal Australian Air Force Officers that were located with the unit were also required to follow and up date doctrine keeping abreast of changes adopted by NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organisation).  Australia was not apart of NATO but needed to keep abreast of any changes as they worked alongside NATO in Afghanistan and Iraq.  Any changes with operation techniques in NATO may also affect the operating techniques of the United States, whom we work and exercise significantly with in the Pacific and Indian Oceans.  These Officers got to regularly travel to Europe for intergovernmental and Defence meetings regarding NATO issues.  Also under the United Nations Military Observers course we had a strong tie with South Asian countries requiring during my time there one of the other Officers had to travel to India on the subject.

On a personal note, I continued with applying for positions in the Middle East, kept going to the Gym and tried to keep a positive out look on life for some future and me with my daughter.  I looked forward to the fortnightly calls I would make to her at the childcare center.  I loved listening to her voice and hearing her stories.  After the phone calls I was always a mess, but that is always easy to hide when you are in your own office.  She did say to me in one of those conversations “ I love you to the moon and back Mummy”.  I would love to be able to tell her that those very words, her voice, her photos got me through some trying times after that and it is because of her and the encouragement of a good friend that I am able to write this today.  I love you my daughter, I always have and I always will.

With my applications for various positions I did gain the opportunity to be selected for a telephone interview.  It was with Qatar Airways for consideration in either a sales or training position.  This process consisted of two telephone calls the first to inform me and to establish a time for a teleconference to conduct the interview; both were followed up by emails.  The preparation telephone call was quite positive but I had to delay the time of the actual interview, as I was required to travel to Canberra for a Defence Logistics conference.  The Australian Defence Force Warfare Center was located just outside of Newcastle on the Royal Australian Air Force Base Williamtown.  The conference was only one day but due to the distance I had to fly/drive it was going to be two days out of the office.  It went well and on my return to the office I eagerly awaited for the teleconference that night.  The teleconference went well with them asking the usual questions with regards to expectations and if there was anything that would prevent me from fulfilling my duties.  As I was single and the option of supporting directly my daughter was removed from previous stated circumstances, there was nothing holding me back.  Unfortunately I received a phone call in a couple of days informing me that I was unsuccessful in my application with Qatar Airways.  It did not deter me from continuing to apply for positions and continue to look at other possible opportunities. 

However during this time at the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center, I had received a phone call from the National Australia Bank informing me that they had stopped stolen money from being transmitted into my bank account.  They had also asked me if I knew where it had come from.  On the limited information they had given me, no I had not known where it had come from but after asking them how much money was to be deposited I found out that it was only $900.  Not really enough to make a life for me but I did recall that earlier when I was still organising my posting to the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center that I had applied to an advertisement for a position being the South East Pacific something or other.  It was a position that I found out through further correspondence would only require me to receipt money and then transfer portions of it to other accounts.  Since my departure from the permanent service I had developed an understanding of the repertoire of scams targeting individuals on the Internet.  Like those ones where you have inherited over a million dollars from someone that has no benefactors if you agree to the scam and handing over $800 dollars for administrative costs to the lawyer organising the payment for you.  I always agreed and would always ensure that I had a telephone conversation with them indicating why it was impossible for me to hand over the money for administrative costs before receipt of the payment.  There was always someone on the end of the phone and the phone number was always overseas, either United Kingdom or Malaysia.  For the South East Pacific something er other position, I said yes and did not hear another thing about it until the phone call from the National Australian Bank.  I informed them of the position and that I had agreed to filling it but was not aware that the money was from illegal sources.   The girl informed me that she worked for the National Australia Bank in their security section and told me that I was to send her the emails for this correspondence with the said company electronically.  She pretty much indicated that I had to do it straight away.  I informed her that I would not send her the emails electronically but as I was basically trapped at the Royal Australian Air Force Base just outside of Newcastle without a personal car, if she sent someone to me I would gladly copy the emails onto a disk and make a statement for her.  She was quite pushy at the time for me to send the emails of which case I continued to say no.  When I asked her how the funds were being deposited into my account she informed me electronically.

‘So you want me to send you emails relating to the deposits that

 could possibly ever so slightly carry viruses onto your banking computer network.

 What part of National Australia Bank security do you work in?’

Her response ‘IT Security’

I didn’t hear from her again and I did not have anyone come to the base to collect a copy of the emails.  Was it the National Australia Bank, yes it was because they had stopped my account at the time.  But in their defence they stopped me from being the receiver of stolen money and I thank them.

Whilst I was there I did receive one email that looked like a bit of a scam but was to be completely different to what I had seen before.  It was in relation to Mr Mikhail Khordokovsky and the movement of $46 000 000.00 for him.  All I had to do was find my way to Europe.  I was not planning to go to Europe, not that I don’t like Europe it just wasn’t in my plan of re-entering my daughter’s life. But the emails relating to Mr Mikhail Khordokovsky would come to play later and play they would.

Becoming unsuccessful in gaining a position at Qatar Airways or receiving any further positive responses back form the Middle East I started to consider what I could do over the Christmas break that would make my time separated from my daughter worthwhile.  The thought of having Christmas with my family without her was too painful for me and it would be my first Christmas without her.  I never received a positive response from the letter that I wrote to her father whilst I was in Adelaide about having her for the Christmas period.  My thoughts shifted from Nuclear and had gone more towards humanitarian.  Reading through the documentation relating to the United Nations Military Observers Course and thinking back to my studies at Bond University, I decided that I should go to Sudan to conduct a documentary on Darfur. In preparation as I had over a month I knew I had to have myself at physical peak fitness and mentally prepare myself for anything that I might face.  I requested from my parents if they could forward my backpack and boots, both of which had trampled the Himalayas, Grand Canyon and various bars and back tracks of South East Asia.  I had another business trip away from the base. I was to attend a meeting on the Mortuary Affairs Course in Canberra.  The meeting was with a Navy Dentist, an Army Chaplain and a few other Defence staff members involved in administering Mortuary Affairs.  During the meeting we were also to have the Provost Marshall visit and sit in on some discussions of the meeting.  The Provost Marshall was a relatively new position for Defence, as I believe it was only established in 2006.  As a comedy of errors, 2006 the same year my life was falling apart.  In Canberra I proceeded to book my flights to Sudan at a small travel agency in Manuka, and paid the debt of the $150 loan from the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade that I took from them in Malta.  Whilst at the travel agent, the lady phoned the Indonesian Embassy, the Embassy representative for Sudan in Australia.  She was informed that for me to obtain a Sudanese visa I would have to send my passport across to them where it would be processed or I could turn up at Sudan and receive the visa on entry.  When asked how long it would take them to complete the process, she was informed that it would take three days.  I told her that I was only in Canberra for the day and did not really want to risk losing my passport in the mail so would opt for obtaining the visa on entry to Sudan.  My flights were booked, flying out from Sydney on 13 December 2008 to Abu Dhabi, two day stop over then off to Sudan.  Return flights were for the 12 January 2009, Sudan to Abu Dhabi then Abu Dhabi to Sydney.  I was excited and terrified it was an amazing feeling.  I was going to see an amazing country that I had read about and studied and hopefully could provide a story from the heart about the plight, the resources and strength of those that live there.  Because at the end of the day, I assume that their conditions are hard, it is a hard country but they are still living and slowly things hopefully were changing for the better, and that is what I wanted to show.  I was already aware that Sudan and Saudi Arabia shared aspects of the Red Sea under a maritime agreement and that Saudi Arabia had invested in the agricultural development of Sudan, funding a water sanitisation and delivery system. Creating a viable source for a fledging export market!.  But Saudi Arabi was not the only country investing in Sudan so the plight in Darfur and the necessity of having the largest United Nations Mission located in the country so close to Darfur should be coming to an end with development and job creation at the forefront.

My only problem that I had with conducting a documentary in Darfur that I could see was that I did not have a suitable camera.  Actually I had no camera.  Before the Christmas break I organised to conduct a business trip to Sydney to visit HMAS WATSON on South Head, one of my favourite places and just to have the opportunity really to spend the weekend in Sydney.  I knew the weather was going to be fine and as such organised a couple of visits with various folk (other Naval Officers) at HMAS WATSON and HMAS KUTTABUL at Potts Point in Sydney, basically where everyone gets to see those big grey ships berth and stay through until Sunday.  I booked a four star hotel near the business center.  It was to be my opportunity to remember my former life, before I had to give everything away to travel and a chance to buy a needed camera for my documentary trip.   I looked through a few camera stores in down town Sydney.  The cameras were all starting to look the same to me.  It wasn’t until one store where one of the sales personnel actually asked what I wanted the camera for that I informed him that I wanted to put together a documentary.  He motioned me towards a camera that was $17000, where the certain features it had were the minimum that should be used if the result is to be broadcasted on television.  The camera looked nice (most important aspect for me) looked easy to use, lightweight, and easy to carry around with me and was at a price that I could afford.  After a bit of negotiation I bought the camera and had a few extras thrown in for my efforts.  The following was just total indulgence. After the purchase I had spent enough money and headed back to the hotel.  This weekend in November 2008 was the first that I had had of total indulgence with a view for what I thought to a future since about 2006 for me so I was making the most of it.  My indulgence was basically staying in the hotel.  The accommodation at the Australian Defence Force Warfare center, although I was placed in a Senior Officer’s room did not really compare.

On return to the hotel I took the camera to my room then proceeded down to the bar area to sit and read the paper.  That day was exhaustive, in the morning I was at HMAS WATSON speaking to the Commanding Officer and admiring the magnificent view of Sydney Harbour from his boardroom and that afternoon I was placing myself one step closer to my trip to Sudan.  It was Friday so the sitting and the glass of water, my signature drink since 2006, it replaced Cognac; and the paper for me was a nice way to end the day. 

In the Lounge Bar I met an elderly man, which had as I was to find out worked previously for various US governing administrations and was in Sydney for an energy conference.  He had recently come back from Abu Dhabi from visiting the MASDAR site and was looking at various energy advancements that were being discussed at the conference.  He informed me that he was next off to Japan for another conference that sounded quite interesting.  I don’t think a moment went by without the conversation just flowing.  It was quite remarkable and a great relief to be able to talk about that which had interested me for the last three years of my life.  We went to dinner and the conversation just continued.  I informed him that I had been to the Middle East and was now an active Reservist Lieutenant Commander for the Royal Australian Navy that was about to head to Sudan to do a documentary on Darfur.  I had also informed him of my previous studies both Master’s degrees and that I had enjoyed my time in the Middle East but as I could not find work at the time it was silly for me to stay so I returned to Australia.  He was very interesting and we continued for some time corresponding.  After the dinner we found out we were both staying in the hotel and retired separately to our own rooms.  I didn’t see him the next day but did correspond with him by email when I returned to the Middle East.  It is amazing how small the world really is when you just take the time to sit and talk to people!!  I would have liked to have worked in energy area, looking at political, economic and physical security but apparently all I could do was end up on the ground as a blonde fit and young female basically living on the streets in areas where political, economic and physical security was challenged by various expat communities.  Gaining a unique insight that on return to Australia meant nothing.  Now my interest in humanitarian issues, well from my insights previously gained, humanitarian issues were not the cause of political, economic and physical insecurity, it was the tool in some respects created but definitely manipulated for self interest and financial gain by some individuals that do operate above the law.  It is amazing what you can see from the ground when you take the time to observe and talk to people of all levels.  Observation and talking that has cost me significantly financially and emotionally but has never deterred me.

After my weekend of self-indulgence I had to return to the base, the Royal Australian Air Force Base Williamtown just outside of Newcastle.  It was still a couple of weeks before we were to break for Christmas when I was to head off on my trip to Sudan.  My immediate supervisor and other staff members were aware of my plans and reasoning as to why I wanted to go there.   It was decided at the time by my supervisor the Commander to not give me a report on my performance until my return in 2009.  Guess they were not really expecting me to return and by holding off on the report meant it could be adapted for whichever environment I ended up in.  Good situation and good people equals good report and bad situation bad people equal bad report.  As was the case with the Defence Intelligence Training Center, bad reports for the last eighteen months apparently meant I would be picked up and moving in the circles of bad people proving the requirement for the reports!!!  I was due to return to the base on the 21 January 2009 to resume my posting.  I accepted this as it was also stated to me that then we can work on having you transferred back to permanent service.  He did make one comment which I gratefully appreciated hearing:

                                    There is nothing wrong with you!!!

They were happy with my performance and were happy with me continuing in position until the training packages were handed over to the contractors, that is, if they were still to be handed over.  It was nice hearing the words from him, as he obviously knew the history inflicted upon me from the Defence Intelligence Training Center and the report written in Adelaide by the female psychiatrist.  I was to hear those words “but there is nothing wrong with you” many more times in my career or should I say experiences, but those words alone were not enough to stop the continued abuse reflective of the abuse established at the Defence Intelligence Training Center. From this point on, I would tell everyone straight up that my story is pathetic and government created because that was what it was.  I was in debt and facing bankruptcy on my return as informed to me by my lawyer.  I only owed Defence and the Taxation Department money, I couldn’t talk to my daughter or see her and apparently I was desperate to have a child and get married. Also with the psychological unstable story waiting in the files to be pulled out by my government when they felt required.  Being put through this in Australia I really had nothing to return to but I did return because I wanted to put the story straight.  I did not know I was going to Qatar, but I ended up spending two years there as suggested by the ex Australian Federal Police officer in Dubai.  I was put through a lot of emotional challenges where the thought of my daughter was used against me and the apparent desperate need to have a child was also manipulated.  I was never desperate but I went through the full emotion of it, only way I could really ascertain what someone was really after from me.  My government placed me to be exploited and on my return placed me through hell.  But then I was only female, Navy and expendable.  After all before my life fell apart and I was placed on my journey I was briefed by the ex Australian Federal Police officer at the Defence Intelligence Training Center that you cut up the arm if you want to suicide not across.  I always planned for one thing and then I was always dragged somewhere else, for no apparent reason but exploitation.  I guess the created story of psychologically unstable would cover the cutting of the wrists!!!!

For the last week, three days were set aside for a retreat to be conducted at the Navy holiday apartments that were located on the North Coast approximately two hours north.   There would be approximately nine of us attending, it it would be a chance for the Commanders to sit down with the rest of the officers of the section to put together a report to show if the goals for that year were adequately met. It was basically a chance to get away into a different environment and have a couple of days where work and play (play being the beach) could come together.  After all half of the officers were navy and the water not the base was really our environment for the office.  During the time there I was able to contribute significantly to the discussions even though I had only been at the unit for a short period of time.  My only concern was that on the one night that we went out for dinner I did have a couple of drinks, after all it was navy and everyone else was drinking quite significantly.  A few of us got talking to other diners although one of our officers was talking significantly more time and I stepped over to bring him back to our table.  A Submariner and Australian Defence Force Graduate, so definitely God’s gift to women and navy for his qualifications had paid him significantly for his gifts.  Once I got him back to the table, and we had all settled the bill, I walked straight out and walked back to the accommodation very fast.  By the time the rest of them returned, I was in bed and trying to go to sleep.  I had had a couple of wines and did not want any part of any further drinking.  I had the same God’s gift to women knock on my window and wake me up.  Next he came into my room and was trying to get my to stick his dick in my mouth I said no, and no and no.  I didn’t stop saying no especially considering when I first arrived he had informed me that he had just started seeing a girl in Newcastle and that he was offered a job in Bahrain which he chose not to take.  Both pieces of information weren’t solicited by me and really were of no interest to me.  I preferred talking to him in a professional matter about other issues, ie my time at the Australian Theatre Joint Intelligence Center and my dealings with submarine support then or my time on HMAS PROTECTOR working with the COLLIN”S Class trials and how they were now from a submariner’s point of view.  Making sure that he was aware that my security clearance was still only RESTRICTED since leaving the permanent service.  Also talking about my studies with regards to Nuclear Energy or both my and his experiences in the Middle East, I was not looking for a relationship and definitely not one with him.  So why I would want to shove his dick down my throat was beyond comprehension for me.  To stop him I decided to go out of my room to where everyone was drinking talking and just hanging out, he followed and nothing was then being shoved down my throat. 

Was it worth reporting, at the time there was one day before everyone was leaving, I had had enough.  What would it have achieved, no more reserve time for me and perhaps a warning on his record which would have meant nothing because the Navy was short of Submariners and Officers that were on a path to becoming Captains of a boat, well they were still going to have their career.  It is just easier to forget it and move on, and that is what I did until he turned up in Bahrain whilst I was in Qatar.  I didn’t get across to see him, and even though he was so happy to shove his dick down my throat he was not so happy to assist me when my visa was running out.  I should have had an idea but I didn’t, especially considering that on my arrival at the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center, the Royal Australian Navy Captain that was posted there, posted out to Iraq to fill a Defence Attaché position and another officer, a young Lieutenant posted out to fill a Personal Assistant position in Iraq. 

I was going to Sudan, or was I?

On the 13 December 2008 I packed up my room and bag.  I was allowed to leave my things in it over the Christmas break and pick up the key for the room on my return.  I took a taxi to the Newcastle Airport with my bag in hand.  The Newcastle Airport shared the runway with the Royal Australian Air Force base Williamtown, so it was a $15 fare to take me to the other side of the runway to pick up my allocated rental car.  From there I drove straight to Sydney Airport in preparation for my travel to Sudan.  There was no problem with picking up the car and leaving it at the Sydney airport.  The drive took me a few hours and traffic was clear.  At the airport I dropped off the car with a full tank of petrol.  The thing ran on the sniff of an oily rag anyway so it did not cost too much to refill. At the airport I checked in.  Once I walked through Immigration I knew I was on my way.   The flight to Abu Dhabi was smooth and enjoyable.  Mentally I was still preparing myself for the documentary I was about to film.  I had packed my backpack well and still managed to keep a few luxury items as face cream, laptop and a suit.  I figured that since I had two days in Abu Dhabi before going across to Sudan then I could submit my resume to various companies there on the off chance I could gain employment.  If I was luckily enough to be requested for an interview then I could arrange to leave Sudan earlier for Abu Dhabi instead of connecting directly to Sydney Australia.  I wouldn’t expect to commence work immediately but would expect that I could attend an interview if successful and arrange to return in a few weeks with more appropriate clothing.  I had only packed for Sudan, trekking and being out amongst the elements.  Food I was fine, I had my protein shake that I could easily survive on.  The only problem for me would be finding water.  I was not going to be taking anyone else’s food and the suit, well that was for a possible interview and I guess in case I had the opportunity to interview some Government, NGO or Military officials with regards to my documentary.  Well considering I had not sort permission for the conduct of a documentary, perhaps for my home video, well my personal video I might show a few people…..  I was just going to play it by ear and be flexible. 

On arrival at Abu Dhabi I picked up my backpack and headed out to get a taxi.  It was night-time and the flight was long, not smooth and not enjoyable.  I was tired.  I had booked into the Hilton. The taxi from the airport had taken me to another hotel instead of the Hilton.  There I paid him and removed my bags from his car.  I proceeded inside to the information desk to ask for directions to their business center. I needed to print off my booking reference for the Hilton so that I could find the right Hilton.  Next taxi and I was on my way to the Hilton.  Checking in took me back to my time in Dubai, some Arabic coffee a couple of dates whilst they sorted out my booking and room allocation.  They were pleasant and always smiling, Emirate hospitality, administered by the numerous numbers of South East Asians was always remarkable and warming.  On receiving my key I proceeded to my room showered and straight to bed.  What can I say; I lost the partying bug back in my early thirties.  I was looking forward to getting up early, going to the gym, having a leisurely long breakfast grazing at the buffet and reading the local paper then thinking about where I was to submit my resume.  After the gym and breakfast I looked around the hotel.  They were having a conference for training development companies in Abu Dhabi in the next couple of days.  I thought about staying for it but I had already made plans and budgeted on going to Sudan.  But there was one thing I was considering having my hair cut short, permanently straightened and coloured brown so that I did not stand out in Sudan.  My hair then as it is now, was long and blonde.  Bottle blonde of course, I really have not met or seen many pure natural blondes near the equator, Scandinavia I am sure but the Middle East and Africa – No.  I was able to have this completed at the hotel for a very good price and besides this was recommended to me by one of my former Bond University friends when he heard of my plans of going to Sudan.  I was very happy with the result and at least I now did not need to really carry shampoo or conditioner.  I was only going to take that from the hotel anyway.  The bottles are smaller and easier to carry.

The couple of days went very quickly at the Hotel.  I placed my resume at a couple of places and proceeded to pack my bag and dress accordingly for my trip to Sudan.  I had pre booked accommodation in Sudan for two days at a small Bed and Breakfast near the United Nations Mission.  I figured that was safe and that it would give me a chance to get my bearings and take my playing it by ear to a formalised plan of how I was going to structure my month of filming.  The taxi was punctual to the hotel and as the car behind me was being directed out of the drive way it almost felt like I was being given an escort to the airport.  Checking in was quite quick.  There was a gentleman of African origin that was checking in with a strange looking machine wrapped tightly in cling wrap.  It looked like a money counting machine that you find at one or all of the best casinos.  Other women that were checking in for the flight to Sudan were carrying a lot of shopping.  They were either going back to visit family and take a multitude of presents or they had just come across for a shopping trip.  But everyone was very happy at the check-in counter and that seemed to be the attitude of the majority of people up to boarding and for the flight over to Sudan. 

On the plane I was sat next to a very beautiful young Sudanese girl.  In conversation I found out that she worked for the United Nations in Sudan and that she had just come across to Abu Dhabi to visit family and for a holiday.  When I told her of what I had planned, her comments were well founded and understood by me, ‘ Please don’t exploit them’.  I understood what she meant and exploitation was never my intention.  But for those to be the first words was this how many Sudanese felt about the conditions and feelings towards the treatment of many of their countrymen in the North West region of Darfur?  Are we really only exploiting them and not really trying to give them a better quality of life?  It was something that I was never able to have clarified.  On coming into land I noticed that the airfield was well fortified.  There were anti-air guns on either side of the runway pointing up.  They weren’t manned but they were there and well positioned and fortified.  The landscape had patches of green and patches of dirt areas.  I was becoming nervous and excited. 

I walked forward to immigration with ticket and passport in hand.  We had to go through it to get to the bags.  I showed my passport and ticket and informed them that I wished to purchase a visa for my visit.  I was asked who my sponsor was to which I replied that I did not have one I was only here for a visit.  They took me to the office where my ticket and passport were handed over to one of the Sudanese officials and asked to take a seat.  The office was a waiting room where I was able to speak to another fellow Aussie that had arrived on a different aircraft and was waiting for his sponsor to pick him up.  I told him that when I booked my ticket I was informed by the Indonesian Embassy, their representative in Australia that I could obtain my visa on arrival.  His response, umn no; that was a couple of years ago, now you need a sponsor.  He had a big grin across his face and basically gave me those kind words good luck.  I sat there waiting for quite sometime before the staff came back to me. They asked me if I knew anyone in Sudan that I could call.  I never took the girl’s number that sat next to me on the plane so my response was basically, no.  The girl went away again and it was sometime before she came back to me.  She asked if they could call someone, there was no Australian Embassy for them to call and really I did not see the point of establishing contact with any of my former friends from my trip to Dubai until I had actually started working.  Umn NO there is no one really you can call.  As I was in quite a dilemma and it could not be sorted out at the door they gave me my passport back and placed me back on the very plane I arrived on.  The flight crew never changed and were surprised to see a passenger hopping back on the plane, especially with his or her own passport in hand.  The staff member that walked me to the flight informed me that they usually hand over the passport to the staff for processing.  I was allowed to keep my passport and retain my bag.  I informed the staff member that he needed to call the Indonesian Embassy in Australia and let them know that I was unable to get into Sudan, as visas are no longer available to be issued and processed on entry. They were giving out wrong information and that I would not want to see any other Australians in the same situation.  The flight back to Abu Dhabi was good and on arrival I was informed that they could organise a flight back to Sydney for me.  I informed them that I had spent two days in Abu Dhabi so they could not send me back to Sydney based on my inability to gain an entry visa to Sudan.

I sat in Abu Dhabi Airport for some time just trying to think about what was I going to do now.  I cried pulled out my Defence Force Identification Card and threw it in the bin.  At this point I was pretty annoyed or should I say pissed off with the very people who placed me in the emotional and financial situation that I currently found myself in.  I could be exploited at anytime by anyone that wanted to use my daughter or the fact that I was having a baby in 2006 or the fact that anyone could say that I was psychologically unstable and send me back to Australia for drugging at anytime.  I always knew that and even though I cried a lot on my own time alone, would continue in my quest to get my life back for my daughter’s sake.  I was exhausted and confused as to what I was going to do at that point but knew there probably was no point keeping my Defence Identification Card.  It took quite sometime to prepare myself physically and mentally to enter Sudan to conduct a documentary.  Financially that was what I had budgeted for; as I knew that I would not be able to afford to spend the month in a motel in Abu Dhabi. After sometime and as the tears washed away with a good cappuccino I started to talk to one of the floor managers working at the airport.  I explained my situation and he said that he could put me up for a couple of days. It was not uncommon for them to see passengers sleeping in the airport as they waited for their planes.  Some people have long stop overs on return flights and choose to just stay in the airport instead of taking a pass out to see the city.  Their reasoning, they over spent on their holiday or should I say business trip and did not have the money to go sight seeing for a day.  They would never tell you but it is a common issue with the airports.  Alas our international airports at transit hubs are usually open and running fully for twenty-four hours.

After hearing my story and developing a comfortable feeling between us both he offered to have me stay at his Etihad Apartment.  He had a spare room that had two single beds that I could use as his children were not staying with him at the moment.  He did agree that hotel accommodation was expensive and considering that I had budgeted for Sudan he could take me to their Embassy in Abu Dhabi tomorrow as he had the day off.  I could not believe my luck I wasn’t expecting the support, but I was later to find out that yes there were some very nice people from the Gulf Cooperation Countries that do go out of their way to assist without expecting anything in return.  Not all, but that is a story for later. 

I had to wait until he finished his shift, so I sat back down at the lounge where I previously had my cup of coffee and waited.  The couple of hours flew.  I thought about retrieving my Defence Force Identification Card from the bin but thought better of it.  I really did not need to embarrass this guy now that he offered to provide me with assistance.  I threw my Defence Force Identification Card in the bin when I was sitting in tears.  Not sure why guess, I felt a huge disappointment in the organization I had spent seventeen years of my life serving.  They had cost me my relationship with my daughter, and now it seems they had cost me any chance of re-entering her life on a good note.  I gave everything for them and went through a lot of pain, never stole, took more than I was entitled to and never: never walked over any other Defence person just to make myself look good.  Things what I had seen of other people who went on to have prosperous careers, not all, but then it never has to be.

When he came back he told me I should go and collect my bag and he would meet me outside as he had to go and pick his car up from the staff parking area.  Ok.   My bag was easy to find and similarly I was not waiting too long outside for him.  Once in his car we drove to a new Etihad accommodation complex the front building was completed and occupied whilst the back two buildings were still being constructed.  Something, I was to find out the following day.  On arrival in the apartment he showed me around, the important areas, the spare room with the two beds, the bathroom and the quirkiness of the shower head, the kitchen, where the coffee was and the location of the washing/dryer machine that was also in the kitchen.  Once I placed my bags in the room I came back out to the lounge area to sit with him and talk.  He offered me a cigarette.  I hadn’t smoked in sometime, and as you know I was only ever a social smoker and this was a social occasion because this guy had just given me a second chance to complete my documentary, I said yes thankyou. 

We continued our discussion, I found out that he was from Oman, was separated and had two children that were living with their mother in Oman.  He had spent a couple of years living in the United Kingdom working at Heathrow Airport and whilst there was offered his current position for Abu Dhabi Airport.  It was a chance to be closer to his family so he took the position so here he was.  I told him about my family situation and that I saw the documentary as a means of re-entering the life of my daughter.  I had also informed him of my previous travels to the Middle East, especially some of the amazing things that I saw as with His Highness Maktoum’s father’s house and the museum, the Falcon School, my time in Egypt being close for the call to prayer and the day in Syria inclusive of driving with a flat tyre.  The conversation just continued to flow.  Some reason, perhaps because of my Defence background and the fact that I worked in Intelligence, a fact I never hide because I was Navy and looked at shipping movements we got onto the subject of torture.  He mentioned that there was a lot of torture in the Middle East and that I should get around and sees it.  I told him that if I was working here then perhaps I could have an appreciation of what he was really referring to but since I was on a restricted budget and heading to Sudan, I could not do it.  But his conviction of telling or requesting me to do it was after I gave my comments on the Abu Gharab prison issue.  His eyes at that time swelled with tears and I knew he felt that I would understand the real underlying issues.  He had obvious experienced a lot or knew of people that had during the war years.  It was late so we both went to bed.  In the separate rooms, as I said some people don’t expect anything in return for kindness.

The next morning he took me shopping for some groceries, as with all males no matter what culture, there is never any food in the fridge.  We went to Carfour, I was later to find out that the French supermarket chain was very popular amongst the Gulf Cooperation Countries.  There he picked up a few items; I told him that I had my protein shake and that all I really ate was dried fruit and nuts.  I was at my strictest with my diet because as far as I was concerned I was still heading to Sudan.   WE picked up the items; Carfour always had a great open display of dried fruit, nuts herbs and spices in abundance of quantities.  It was heaven to me.  After picking up the food we drove to a small photocopying and administrative store so that I could obtain some passport photos for my visa.  If it was just me, I probably would have obtained them from one of the big shopping centers and paid twice the price.  But the store we went to was geared towards providing administrative support to expatriate workers on minimum wages or small companies employing expatriate workers on minimum wages for fixed period of times.  They would assist with translation or completing sponsorship and movement documentation for Government or Embassies.   As an Australian, if I was to work within the various professions that my fellow countrymen worked and on the wages they received; it would be unlikely that I would have found this place.  But as I was with a local, well they pretty much know where the real services are and where the tourist services are, and this was a real service.

After taking three photographs, I was not happy with the first two! I finally received my ten passport photos.  Ten copies in case and they were for a very good price.   After this we went back to his apartment for some lunch, me eating some of the nuts and fruit with Turkish coffee him well actually eating real food and coffee.  After lunch we went off to see the Sudanese Embassy about my visa.  It was a bit difficult to find at first and we went via the Egyptian Embassy and asked them if they knew where the Sudanese Embassy was? The Egyptian Embassy was brand new and a very impressive building, the guard directed us down the road are somewhere.  He asked if I was going to Egypt, I said no I am going to Sudan.  He just smiled.  My friend that had spoken to me in Australia about cutting my hair and dying it said that no I didn’t want to do a documentary on Darfur, I wanted to do a documentary on the Nile, following it up from Sudan to Egypt, basically following the path of Jesus and Mary that was shown on a notice board whilst visiting the Coptic Hanging Church in Egypt.  It was still an option but I had to get passed immigration in Sudan first.

We finally did find the Sudanese Embassy for Abu Dhabi, the building was not as elaborate as the new Egyptian Embassy but the wooden intricately carved entry doors were amazing.  On entering there was a small hall way with a reception desk at the end of the hall way with a couple of seats by the walls.  My friend, or should I say saviour at this point; sat on one of the chairs whilst I went up to the desk. I mentioned that I wanted to apply for a visa for Sudan.  The lady said one moment and a gentleman came out to speak to me.  He looked at my passport and said ‘do you mind if I take this for a moment’ and went behind another set of wooden intricately carved wooden doors.  After a few minutes he came back out and informed me that I needed to come with him.  OK. So I went through the doors to where there was another reception area, very elaborate reception area and was motioned through the doors of a private office where another gentleman was sitting behind a large wooden desk.  He asked me if I worked for the United Nations. I said no.  He looked at my passport for sometime (guess I should have said yes it would have made it easier for him), it was opened on the page, which had the Egyptian Visa.  He said to me that if I were to get an Emirati passport then I could go to Sudan. I said no ….. But you have a friend out there….. No I can not do that……  They were trying to help me go in and get around the sponsorship requirement as Emirati’s as with the other Gulf Cooperation Countries had right of passage (nautical term – free entry) to Sudan and I would be able to enter and move freely.  I may have mentioned something about a documentary and they may have pretended not to have heard me.  It was disappointing as I thought this time I would get there but I was not going to use someone that way to do it.  The only way of gaining an Emirati passport was through marriage and I was not using someone that way – that was just me.  I said thankyou for your assistance and left.

In the car I told my friend what had occurred in the discussion and I was unsure as to what I was going to do now.  He also knew about my degrees and how I had spent a couple of months in Dubai looking for work.  He suggested that perhaps I could do that for the month here before flying home.  I could continue staying with him.  I didn’t want to be dependent on his hospitality for so long but was very appreciative of the offer.  Back at his place we watched some TV he then had to prepare to go to work.  I was grateful for his assistance that morning, driving me around and I informed him of such.  He went to work and I watched a couple of documentaries.  I needed to move as I hadn’t done any training for a couple of days so I turned it onto to an Arabic music channel and started just to move in front of the TV. After a while I turned it back and noticed that there was a documentary on TV completed by one of those famous young Hollywood actors on the rebels in Chad.  It was a good documentary but they do receive the funding for their names.  I was going to let my subjects be the names as at the time I doubted my name would have drawn the sale.   Comments were not a requirement for me, that had been my life as an Intelligence Analyst, Un edited footage would be the comment, especially when those in authority or those complaining would least expect it.  I did not want anything to be staged which is why I was just going in without any support or notification.  But now sitting in that apartment, seeing the actor get all excited over the cause he was highlighting, I was wondering if he was true to cause or if he was acting.  It is great to have actors supporting causes but to know if they are true to a cause is very difficult, as after all they are actors.  They receive awards for pretending to be people they are not, for pretending to have emotions that they do not.  They are either very good or very notorious if they are well known.  And this actor was well known and a known family man so not notorious and never had been.  Me, I have never been able to act, I have always found it better not to comment.

After watching the documentary for a while I went out onto the balcony.  The apartment was at the back of the building so looked over the construction sites of the other two buildings and I noticed that a pool and recreation deck was being built in between the buildings.  The apartment that I was in was very nice and I have stayed in some very nice apartments, especially in Sydney Australia, so I could imagine how amazing this place would look when completed.  But now there were a hundred workmen and three cranes operating to bring the other two buildings and deck to completion.  They all wore hard hats, of a multitude of colours and safety harnesses.  All appeared to be very busy in a very relaxed way.  I kind of envied them in some way.   They were working for a good company, else Etihad would not have hired it to build their staff accommodation, probably on one or two year contracts where all their money was being sent home to family whilst their sponsor company clothed fed and housed them.  I know that they only had one day off a week but also know that when you are saving money, you would rather be working then spending it on a day off.  Most if not all of these guys were saving, gaining new skills, training and experience whilst earning wages that they could never even consider receiving in their own countries.  When they returned to their own countries, their families were usually better off financially and they were usually able to find good work based on their experiences and acquired skills.  For an Australian building apprentice, could it work spending a year the same, not sure, the wage situation would need to be re-evaluated as it would be below that deemed minimum within Australia.  Could the experience be sort after by Australian companies, well only they could answer that but I never heard of any Australian expatriate builders or apprentices working in the Middle East whilst I was there and the design of the buildings have more scope in tougher working conditions than what we can afford or consider in Australia.

I later had some dinner, showered and then went to bed.  When I heard my friend return I got out of bed and went out to the lounge room to talk to him.  It was early morning.  I remembered that when I used to do shift work with the Navy it would take me at least two hours to unwind.  Considering he did not have too far to drive back to his apartment complex. It was situated near the airport not in the city area of Abu Dhabi yet did not suffer too badly from noise pollution from the planes.  As we sat there he told me that this girl with an English accent just came up to him and ask him if there were any back packer places to stay in Abu Dhabi.  He told her no and after that she asked if he could put her up at his place for the night.  To which he also replied no.  At this point sitting in my dress and jacket the dress I was using as Pyjamas and the jacket, well I was modest.  I was feeling very lucky.  If that had occurred before I met him and told him my story, I doubt he would have offered me a place to stay.  I had another cigarette with him and a coffee.  For some reason coffee doesn’t keep me awake and apparently it didn’t keep him awake either.

The next day, when we both finally got up and had some breakfast and coffee, I mentioned that I was very appreciative of his offer to stay at his place for the month but that I should go I had placed my resume with a couple of places and if they were successful I had his number to return.  Over night I had decided that I should go to Rome, Italy to deal with the Mr Mikhail Khordokovsky offer.  I knew it was probably a scam but thought that as I had proven all the others to the phone and a voice on the other end, this time I would prove it to seeing if a person would actually front.  Besides, if it wasn’t a scam perhaps I can be apart of the Clean Energy movement in Europe, using only clean means of course.  Because I had heard about the offer whilst I was at the Australian Defence Force Warfare Center so if it wasn’t just another scam it could be for good use.  After all Mr Khordokovsky was and really still is a Russian Oligarch that would see the benefits of clean energy.  I needed to be doing something and not just waiting.  I had been in contact at the airport when I returned from Sudan Airport to Abu Dhabi Airport.  They have free internet there and I checked on the emails referring back to the issue, I had asked where in Europe and was informed that I would need to go to Rome.  Whilst at the airport I sent an email stating that I would meet in Rome but did not give any time frame.  I told him that I would need a really cheap flight to Rome, and if he knew of any specials at the moment.  He offered to give me one of his discounted fares.  I was very grateful.  That day he went to work and arranged the flight for me.  I thought I would have a couple of days but the next morning I found out that I was flying that night and could pick my ticket up from the counter.  He told me I did not have to leave with him early when he went to work but could wait until a couple of hours before the flight when He would come back and pick me up.  OK.  I was going from a very comfortable month to a I am just going to play it by ear.  Before he came I decided to wash my clothes that I had been wearing there.  Unfortunately for me I could not get the drier to work properly so my playing it by ear was already hijacked, as I would be travelling with half my clothes wet. 

I found a plastic to put them in and placed them in the top of my backpack and knew I could sort it out at the other end.   He was punctual at picking me up, coming in refusing in a nice way to have me waiting outside.   He carried my bag out and dropped me at the front of the airport before driving off to the staff car park.   I checked in and found out that my flight was to Italy but instead it was Milan instead of Rome.  I was unsure of the geography and figured it was probably not too far from Rome.  It was a night flight but I would be arriving mid morning. (I think) My backpack was checked in and I headed up to the free email.  I sent an email off to the contact telling them that I would be flying into Milan and driving to Rome and would see them in the next couple of days.  I also noticed that the Australian then Prime Minister, The Honourable Mr Kevin Rudd was heading to Abu Dhabi the next day. Shame I missed his visit, instead I was just going to be sitting in the airport that some of his staff if not himself would be venturing through a few hours before.  Perhaps I could delay my flight, perhaps not.  Within the couple of hours that I was waiting for my flight I received a quite fast reply saying basically my favourite word. OK.   The flight was smooth and magical.  I watched the changing of the lights below the plane the whole way to Milan, stopping only to gorge myself with food.  Well I really did not know when my next meal would be!! 

On arrival at the airport in Milan exiting was quite smooth.  It was smooth going through immigration and bag collection was pretty much automatic.  I looked around the airport for a while to try and work out what would be the cheapest way to get to Rome.  I found a bathroom with hand dryers, to assist my thinking I decided to take my wet clothes out of my bag and try and dry them a bit under the hand dryers.  No one really took a second glance at me, but they didn’t seem too impressed so I thought it better I make this just a short stop in the bathroom with just some of the dampness removed. 

Whilst thinking, I considered a flight from Milan to Rome but they looked a bit expensive for my budget and besides I would be flying back over the same country that I just flew over and would not really see the Italian countryside.  I considered train or bus travel but could not find terminals for either so decided that hiring a car would be the best option.  This would be driving on the other side of the road on minimum sleep.  No problem.  I proceeded down to the level where all the hire car stations were allocated and preceded to find out who offered the cheapest deal.  I think I ended up going with Euro Car where I hired the smallest box to drive the longest motorways.  Not sure if this with the lack of sleep and driving on the other side of the road is the best deal but I am writing about it now so it must have been OK.  After filling in the paper work proceeding out to the car park and spending the next fifteen minutes trying to find the correct car park and the correct car, I found it.  With bags, or should I say bag in the back seat, mirrors checked clutch checked seat belt on, I proceeded to place the car in first gear and went forwarded instead of reversing out of the car park.  Fortunately there was no damage to the car as the breaks work really well. Out of first gear into reverse, check and out of the car park – Yes!!!! For the next half an hour I proceeded to drive around the large car park admiring the snow on the mountain caps in the distance but not really finding anything that looked like an exit out of the car park.  I decided to park the car again and check the map that Euro Car had given me.  It did not give directions out of the car park but showed the roads that I needed to get myself to for my trip to Rome.  Well there was really only one road I really needed and that was the Autotrade and by the look of the map it was near the airport.  From this I unparked the car and decided to do one last lap around the car park before seeking assistance.  Alas I had found a way out. 

Finding my way to the Autotrade was a lot easier than finding my way out of the Milan airport car park.  Once on the Autotrade I found a car stop to acquire some well needed coffee if I was to make this trip in the allocated day that I planned for.  The Autotrade had positioned along it numerous coffee/restaurant houses that were decorated nicely for Christmas.  Within them they had coffee, chocolates, cakes, pizzas, pasta all in abundance.  I was only there for the coffee and quite Frankly that was all that I could afford. So I bought a cappuccino and went back to my car.  It was still light, and as I had been using the heater in the car to keep warm, decided to take my wet clothes out of the plastic bag in my back pack and place them around the back seat to dry.  It was a good break but I had some distance to travel.  It was the 20 December 2008, everyone was obviously heading on holidays to be with family and friends and I was heading for Rome to meet a stranger about moving $46 000 000 for Mr Mikhail Khordokovsky.  Of course it was a scam, but what else was I going to do after the last couple of years that I had endured. 

Along the Autotrade there were not only the large coffee/restaurant houses to stop at but every now and again there were tolls where you had to hand over two or three Euro to continue on at your high speed.  For me I was paying to travel at my low speed of 80-100.  Many cars passed me.  But the ladies at the windows were always so friendly.  At one point I was crying again, out of frustration, and one was so lovely, she saw the tears and said to me, you don’t cry it is Christmas.  The way she said it was so beautiful and strangely enough I did actually stop crying.  Once darkness set in so did my desire to turn up the heater in the car because it got very cold.  I also started to stop more frequently at the roadside coffee/restaurants for coffee or for a chance to take a couple of minutes to sleep in the car.  It would never be for longer than half an hour because I would get awakened by the cold, and would need to start driving again to get warm.  This went on through out the night with frequency of stops being roughly every hour and a half.  It seems I was not the only one because along the way when ever I would wake a car on either side of me would have people sitting just waiting; I guess just taking a break as well.  It wasn’t until early morning about 4 am that I reached the outskirts of Rome and needed to seek direction to St Pauls Basilica which was near the Euro Car depot. Whilst there another patron waiting to pay for his petrol asked if I spoke Italian!  I said no.  He just smiled, paid for his petrol and left with those words “Merry Christmas”.  I found someone that gave me one of the free tourist maps and drew directions on it for me.  St Paul’s Basilica or more formally known as Saint Paul Outside the Walls, was a UNESCO Basilica in Rome and recently, well within the last ten years was evinced tenuously to be the tomb site of Saint Paul.  It was just another of those UNESCO sites that I just seemed to always stumble upon.

I was on my way to the heart of Rome to meet my contact.  I am not sure why but I started to feel a bit excited here I was driving through Rome, not sure what I was going to do but feeling exhilaration at being here on the verge of Christmas.  Before returning the car, I still had time I took a bit of a drive taking in all of the wonderful sights.  It was amazing, absolutely amazing the people looked happy the buildings looked like architectural marvels, they were absolutely beautiful.  Everything I imagined Rome to be. 

Finally it was time to return the car and my clothes had been placed back into my backpack, they were finally dry from a night being spread out over the back seat of my small hire car.  There were no hitches and no hidden costs, amazing!  I started to walk around the Piazza, everyone was friendly and decided that yes it was time for another coffee.  Obviously Italians have no problem sleeping after a coffee as well because in the coffee places they each had a bar for people either on the go could stand and drink their espresso or those that may need assistance staying awake could drink their espresso.  In many of the places I only had to buy an espresso and could help myself to an array of Christmas sweets that were placed out for paying customers.  It was so close to Christmas that they didn’t seem to mind how much you had, or perhaps that was just the wonderful Italian hospitality I had heard so much about.  I took a bit of time out of my personal reality, of playing it by ear to enjoy the moment.  It was something that I decided to do quite often over the next couple of years.    Once back to reality, check, I realised that I had not really packed for this little adventure, all my clothes with the exception of a couple of items were packed for a warm climate and it was cold outside and probably going to get colder.  I decided to call my contact; he had sent me a phone number for my arrival.  He established a meeting for me that night; I decided to stay at the Holiday Inn which was located near the airport.  I was able to get a really cheap last minute deal off of the internet.  I took a taxi to get there as I was tired and needed to sleep first.  Checking in was smooth and the room was very comfortable.  I fell asleep straight away. 

 That night I headed down to the bar and had only a glass of water whilst I waited.  The bar snacks were cheese and biscuits so I decided that that would make a great dinner, no need for any further expense.  For desert I could follow up with the chocolate chip biscuits in my room or the sugar sachet. I think the bar tender knew that I was not going to be one of his more generous customers and as the bar was empty due to the early hours he kept topping up my water and refilling the cheese and crackers regardless.  We did start up a good conversation though, he told me of the places he had travelled to and the stamp collecting he had done.  His passbook had stamps in it as well.  I told him that I did not really know how long I would be in Rome for or where I would head off to next but that was dependent on the person I was meeting.  I told him that I loved the drive down to Rome from Milan, it was amazing on the Autotrade and the countryside changes were amazing.  He mentioned that I should go down to Sicily, that it was very nice near the water.  On my budget, I said that this time I probably would not make it there this time.

In hindsight, It might have been a good idea as local business men there had taken up investing in wind power, investing in Sicily’s future in a very positive way.   After sometime and the entrance to the bar of other guests my contact phoned to say that he was on his way to meet me.  I was starting to think that with these scams they are only phone numbers, no one really shows their faces.  Twenty minutes later I received another phone call to say that I am here from my contact.  I motioned out of the bar area to the lounge area in front of the reception where we both sat and discussed the proposal.   I told him that if I was to stay here then and move with this I would need to move out of the hotel and into a cheaper place as flying into Milan instead of Rome had taken me outside what I had budgeted for this trip.  I didn’t inform him that I had actually budgeted for and planned to go to Sudan, even though he was dark skinned of African descent with an English accent.  He told me that I had to stay at the hotel and in a few days all the legal work would be completed for the money to be transferred to me for moving and investing with myself receiving a substantial commission.  I asked if this process could be expedited, as I really did not have a couple of days.  He told me he would get back to me tomorrow.  The next day I had my perfect morning, gym, and then leisurely brunch whilst reading English printed paper and looking at an Italian paper.  One of those tunes out to personal reality moments.  I didn’t leave the hotel but chose to ask for a late check out and just stayed in the room whilst I waited for my contacts phone call.  He finally called mid afternoon to say that it could not be faster than the allocated time as it was the Christmas period.  I told him I could not wait that long and would have to leave..  I knew what was about to happen, I was about to be put on the streets and I had not packed for it.  All of my clothes were for a warm environment, not a cold environment.  I had to leave!

I informed reception that I would be checking out and packed my bag accordingly.  I went down to reception, and again no hidden costs.  I decided to wait there for a while so left my bag at reception and informed them that I would collect my bags in a couple of hours for my taxi to the airport.  I was asked where I was going to which I replied “I am still deciding.”  The girl just smiled.  I went back into the bar, the bar tender was different but the cheese and crackers were the same and I was loading up on water, tap of course; cheese and crackers.  The cheese was a mature very strong cheese, very comforting. Hopefully it would give me strength for what ever was going to transpire for me.  After an hour my contact phoned me again.  He was quite happy and said everything has been approved.  I told him that I had to leave and could not stay unless he could find me somewhere to stay.  He was not forthcoming with accommodation yet was forthcoming with handing $46 000 000 over to me.  Of course it was going to be in Euro’s for me.  I think it was a scam and it was time for me to leave.  I waited another hour before I decided I could not just sit here and eat cheese for much more time. I was full.  So I took a taxi to the airport, which really was just around the corner, and waited outside for a minute.  Here again playing it by ear, I asked someone if I could have a cigarette whilst waiting outside.  I was nervous and knew I just had to get somewhere where it was a lot warmer.  I just hoped that the flights were cheap, because I really didn’t see my credit card passing.

After the cigarette, I walked inside and asked someone where I could get a flight for south.  I was directed towards the Qatar Airlines window, at that time (it was night) they seemed to be the only desk manned.  I walked up to the lady and said that I really need the next flight south.  She informed me that the next flight they had was to Qatar and it would be leaving in two and a half hours. I was expecting a flight just across the Mediterranean to North Africa; Libya, Tunisia, Morocco, Algeria or even back to Egypt.  I did not expect that I would be heading back to the Persian Gulf, or how they say it in the Gulf Cooperation Countries, Arabian Gulf.  My response OK, thinking that my credit card was not going to pass for this, this is an expensive airline and that was a long flight from Rome.  My credit card passed, and I had one ticket to Qatar in my hand.  I knew not to go back to the Middle East without a job, but I couldn’t stay where I was, it was too cold and I had packed for a warm climate. 

I was on my way to Qatar.

Guess there was something in what the ex Australian Federal Police Officer that had served with the United Nations back in 2007. I believe the words were ‘Carol you should go to Qatar’ my response at the time was no I am looking for work here ……

See you in Part 3, 4

Part 3 is fine and valuable experiences which did see me go to Europe as well but part 4 on my return to Australia has been the most disgusting part of my life for treatment I received.  It has been worse than death..…..